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AIBU?

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Original poster

Colleague is just bloody mean

33 replies

Workworkmorework · 27/03/2026 19:35

I’ll make this as short as possible….

started a job about 5 years ago, and thought I got on with everyone in my team until now. We are a small team of 5, one has just got on mat leave, and company hasn’t recruited to fill the position. All of us are picking up the slack, and getting things done, we work a variety of shifts covering the mon-fri.

one team member has been there for years, but over the years (before I started) has been in various roles in the business, and has has lots of ups and downs in her personal life, which has been no secret- she openly discusses her mental health, and has lots of support from our team, and the whole business (over 100 employees).

the issue is that she will frequently be in a ‘mood’ because of (to everyone else) a minor inconvenience, but then takes it out on everyone else. If someone makes an error, or does something she doesn’t like, after she has had a bad day/ weekend (not often but we are human!) she will take it out on anyone- usually picks her victim, and it’s never usually the same person each time. This could be anything from shouting at them, or completely blanking them. This makes the work place a very uncomfortable place to be. However, everyone makes excuses for her. ‘Oh it’s just th way Sandra is’ ‘oh she will be fine in a couple of days’. Quite frankly I am sick of people making excuses for her- yes you may be in a bad mood- but there’s no need to be a shitty person.

this week, we were short staffed (one because of the mat leave but two because of annual leave). And on arriving at work on Monday, it was clearly my turn to be on the receiving end.

I am far from perfect, and when I do things wrong, I like to be corrected so that I don’t do it again/can learn from my mistakes. but as far as I am aware- I have done nothing. Yet, she completely stonewalled me ALL week, made my (already stressful!) week beyond stressful, I avoided my work environment for as much as I could, as In moving around the building. I am quite hardy, I take a lot on the chin- but my goodness, she broke me this week. I cried ALOT.

And yet everyone who had asked me why I was upset made excuses yet again- oh Sandra does this, don’t worry about it. I do not go to work to be made to feel like that, and nor should anyone else!

AIBU to make a formal complaint?

OP posts:
Original poster
Workworkmorework · 27/03/2026 19:53

Muttley1968 · 27/03/2026 19:49

Next time she does it, call her out on it. Tell her that neither you or anyone else for that matter needs to be her personal workplace emotional punchbag. Also tell her that she is not the only one with problems, it’s just that others choose not to take everything out on their work colleagues. She gets away with it because people let her. Make sure she knows that you won’t take her shitty behaviour even if others will

Edited

I think this might be the way forward- I just fear her ‘crying wolf’. If she’s always the victim if you know what I mean? I am usually quite hardy and will stand up for myself, but just struggle with this one- I don’t want to jeporadise my job

OP posts:
Original poster
Workworkmorework · 27/03/2026 19:51

BabooshkaHaHa · 27/03/2026 19:44

Disrespectful and bad behaviour shouldn’t be tolerated—anywhere and especially not at work. How’s your workplace for policies? Do you get staff reviews and supervision? You should be able to raise a concern that you’re not happy with the behaviour and explain how it makes you feel. Grown up work places don’t tolerate shouting — to name one of the behaviours.

We have quarterly reviews, but due to mat leave she has now had a change of direct line manager, and regardless of this, her previous manager, and new, all excuse her behaviour. So do I/ would you skip line manager and go direct to HR or your managers management?

OP posts:
UltraAlox5 · 27/03/2026 19:50

I worked with someone like this, it was exhausting and draining. I was so glad when she left

Muttley1968 · 27/03/2026 19:49

Next time she does it, call her out on it. Tell her that neither you or anyone else for that matter needs to be her personal workplace emotional punchbag. Also tell her that she is not the only one with problems, it’s just that others choose not to take everything out on their work colleagues. She gets away with it because people let her. Make sure she knows that you won’t take her shitty behaviour even if others will

Original poster
Workworkmorework · 27/03/2026 19:48

PinkIcedRing · 27/03/2026 19:42

I’ve worked with one of those. They bullied everyone, including far more senior people in the administration. Everyone justified it as “Oh that’s just how she is, just ignore her”, or “You know what she’s like”. They used her personal life (older, horrible husband, estranged children) as a reason for her being an enormous thundercunt. Ultimately, she bitched about me to management too many times and I ended up handing my notice in.

If the dynamic is to rationalise her bad behaviour, it’s unlikely it will ever change. I’d personally be looking for a way out.

I think thundercunt is the exact word I was looking for. Her and I usually get along, and I can usually read her moods, so just stay out of the firing line.

I do think you are right, in terms of finding a way out- but I actually love my job, and am tied into a training contract for the next 12 months!

she makes no bones of the fact that she’s unhappy at work- she doesn’t ’need to work’. Sometimes I just want to retaliate and shout ‘well bloody well leave this place then’

OP posts:
BabooshkaHaHa · 27/03/2026 19:44

Disrespectful and bad behaviour shouldn’t be tolerated—anywhere and especially not at work. How’s your workplace for policies? Do you get staff reviews and supervision? You should be able to raise a concern that you’re not happy with the behaviour and explain how it makes you feel. Grown up work places don’t tolerate shouting — to name one of the behaviours.

PinkIcedRing · 27/03/2026 19:42

I’ve worked with one of those. They bullied everyone, including far more senior people in the administration. Everyone justified it as “Oh that’s just how she is, just ignore her”, or “You know what she’s like”. They used her personal life (older, horrible husband, estranged children) as a reason for her being an enormous thundercunt. Ultimately, she bitched about me to management too many times and I ended up handing my notice in.

If the dynamic is to rationalise her bad behaviour, it’s unlikely it will ever change. I’d personally be looking for a way out.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/03/2026 19:40

Absolutely. It amounts to workplace bullying and you don't have to put up with it because it is what Sandra is like