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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do in this situation?

36 replies

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 18:55

I have a mum friend and children go to same nursery. Meet up a few times outside, always chatting on what's app.

I messaged to say HB to her child and was told that she's having a birthday party with X,y and z. So I asked if my child was invited - and it was no.

I was also told that Ive got an invite to a whole nursery party so I've got that instead.

Ainu?

OP posts:
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mondaytosunday · 27/03/2026 20:43

But you said you asked her if your child was invited. I don’t see the issue.

You: Happy Birthday to X
Her: thanks! He’s having a party with Y and Z.
You: is my child invited?
Her: no, your child is invited to the class party.

I imagine from your post that’s how it went? I mean seems perfectly straightforward.

FieryA · 27/03/2026 20:32

Why did you ask her if your child was invited? If they were, then she already would have. So your question is awkward. The mother was probably just sharing her child's birthday plans and obviously didn't expect an adult to take offence to it. And your child is invited to one of the parties anyway- so again, why are you so bothered about who she invites to the other parties?

5128gap · 27/03/2026 20:28

If she'd not have mentioned the party and you'd found out, you'd probably be posting now about why a grown adult would hide it from you.
The conversation probably felt awkward because you made a faux pas in asking if your child was invited to the small party. When really if you're invited to things you know because the person asks you already.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 27/03/2026 20:22

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:14

But it's just weird?

Since when do we go around and have parties, and tell people who aren't invited about those parties?

Show quote history

She’s not having a party, is she? Her child is, and your child is invited, along with everyone else in their class.

Besides that, he’s having a little get together with a few of his close friends as a separate thing from the class party, and she obviously believed that sharing that with you wouldn’t result in you being butt hurt and having fomo on your child’s behalf, given that you’re both adults and they’re in nursery school!

Just because you’re friendly with a particular parent, you can’t assume that automatically makes your kids best mates - it doesn’t. He won’t be invited to everything, and there’ll be times as he gets older when that might feel quite difficult and hurtful, but it’s part of life and a normal part of growing up. Unless you’re able to adjust your own expectations and emotions, you’re not going to be very well equipped to help him navigate that.

PinkIcedRing · 27/03/2026 19:37

Adults discuss the things they’re doing because, I assume, they’re not expecting the person they’re talking with to be jealous of it. I frequently talk to friends about the plans I have with my DC. Not once has anyone assumed they’re invited. Sorry OP, it’s not weird, you’re being unreasonable.

Alwaysontherun · 27/03/2026 19:28

Such a non issue. The weirdest thing is thinking this is even an issue

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/03/2026 19:27

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:24

Not the amount of depth she went into.

It was also her child's birthday, not her birthday

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The poster you quoted seemed aware of that.

So why did you ask if your child was invited?

TMFF · 27/03/2026 19:26

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:24

Not the amount of depth she went into.

It was also her child's birthday, not her birthday

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Well you didn't message her child 🤷‍♂️

Original poster
ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:24

TMFF · 27/03/2026 19:23

No, it's not weird to make conversation when someone messages to wish your child 'HB'.

Although I do hope you typed the actual words or that really is weird.

Not the amount of depth she went into.

It was also her child's birthday, not her birthday

OP posts:
TMFF · 27/03/2026 19:23

No, it's not weird to make conversation when someone messages to wish your child 'HB'.

Although I do hope you typed the actual words or that really is weird.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/03/2026 19:23

So I asked if my child was invited - and it was no.

Yet …tells you they are having a party and you aren't invited. I didn't ask for that information.

I’m confused…

Original poster
ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:23

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 27/03/2026 19:22

No she’s just making conversation.
You sound a very bitter & jealous person hopefully in time you’ll learn it’s not a very nice trait.

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Not sure I needed 7 messages about it though.

Normally "we are having a party, I'm excited" would have been enough.

I don't sound bitter or jealous but you sound selfish and not considerate

OP posts:
SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 27/03/2026 19:22

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:21

Weird to be giving a list of all the parties he's having.... Don't you think

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No she’s just making conversation.
You sound a very bitter & jealous person hopefully in time you’ll learn it’s not a very nice trait.

SemiSober · 27/03/2026 19:22

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:14

But it's just weird?

Since when do we go around and have parties, and tell people who aren't invited about those parties?

Show quote history

It is weird but I wouldn’t have asked outright if my child was invited (even if we were close) I’d wait to be invited

Satarn · 27/03/2026 19:22

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:21

Weird to be giving a list of all the parties he's having.... Don't you think

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Its weird your making a big deal out of it.

Original poster
ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:21

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 27/03/2026 19:21

Your rude & weird for basically requesting a invite.
Your obviously very different people.

Weird to be giving a list of all the parties he's having.... Don't you think

OP posts:
SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 27/03/2026 19:21

Your rude & weird for basically requesting a invite.
Your obviously very different people.

Original poster
ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:21

Satarn · 27/03/2026 19:20

FFS grow-up.
Making something out of nothing, go read a book or something.

Ditto

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 27/03/2026 19:20

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:14

But it's just weird?

Since when do we go around and have parties, and tell people who aren't invited about those parties?

Show quote history

It's a "party" with 3 children. Her daughter's friends.

Maybe she thought you were adult enough to share her daughter's birthday plan without you be jealous of the 3 kids invited?

Original poster
ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:20

Wishimaywishimight · 27/03/2026 19:20

You said in your OP that you asked if your child was invited and were told no. What's "weird" about it? You asked. She answered.

Why tell me about the parties and where she's going and what she's doing.... Seems weird

OP posts:
Satarn · 27/03/2026 19:20

FFS grow-up.
Making something out of nothing, go read a book or something.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/03/2026 19:20

You said in your OP that you asked if your child was invited and were told no. What's "weird" about it? You asked. She answered.

Original poster
ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:19

TMFF · 27/03/2026 19:18

I think it's weirder that you asked if your child was invited.

So rude.

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I don't know why she was telling me about the three parties she was having and who was invited. So I asked her if my child was invited.

I find it weird and I wouldn't tell someone about a party unless they were invited or there was a reason to tell them.

OP posts:
MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 27/03/2026 19:19

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:14

But it's just weird?

Since when do we go around and have parties, and tell people who aren't invited about those parties?

Show quote history

She obviously wasn't aware that you're hypervigilant

You are inferring that she told you to be unpleasant

If that's what you believe, don't be friendly with her any more

TMFF · 27/03/2026 19:18

ThisArtfulOP · 27/03/2026 19:17

I think it's weird.

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I think it's weirder that you asked if your child was invited.

So rude.