How would you feel if your manager acted like this?

No I don’t mean ‘appear to be’ ….I mean actually be genuine….sincere, authentic…. If you don’t care about your team/people why and how have you managed to get yourself into that position? It is absolutely reasonable to expect a manager to genuinely care about the wellbeing of their team.

Whilst I didn’t get all that, I was offered a role within the company after 12 years that was my absolute dream job. I wanted to do it for years but have never had the chance. So I do feel appreciated.

Ironically my new manager insists on one 2 ones every couple of weeks for a ‘welfare check’ - it’s the only part of the job I don’t like!

@DiamondJones winning the thread dealing facts 😂

l’ll also just leave this here. Also, these are basic to middling people management skills - this is not “touchy feely”..?

No it is an issue with resilience - and I say that as someone whose manager nearly broke them.

I expect to be treated professionally because of my contribution to the company. Someone faking empathy is obvious and pointless.

So true.

My relative has been with a new employer for about two years. In that time he has been given two bonuses, a birthday party and gift from the CEO, time off for family and health issues, repeated thanks and recognition of his contribution, frequent checking in, and a pay rise. He is 51 and this is the first time in his entire working life that he has felt valued, appreciated and cared for by his employer. He is happy to go above and beyond in his work now because it’s seen, appreciated and rewarded, not expected.

But again with the ‘genuine’ - don’t you mean ‘appear to show genuine’? Because genuine implies they are expected to feel that - which isn’t a reasonable expectation

I think the UK has a pretty shoddy attitude to worker wellbeing and there are a lot of clueless managers who sit wondering why they can't retain staff, without realising how much a kind word can make a difference and encourage workers to stick around. We as a society tend to normalise being treated like just a number, putting it down to a problem of resilience or unreasonable expectations. But at the end of the day, managers who listen and check in occasionally with a kind word during a tough time are going to retain staff better and help with workplace mental health. My manager is lovely but I've been on the other side with zero empathy managers.
Sometimes it's individuals and sometimes it's a problem with workplace culture.
It's always ok to hope and try for better and you can balance this with realistic expectations - I don't think you're asking much to see a little more interest from your employer and I hope you can find a way forward that works for you, whether you stay in the role or move on ❤️

You don’t need to be best friends to know, understand and recognise the people in your team. Employee-centred simply means treating people as individuals…not a one size fits all. You don’t have to be best buds to treat someone with genuine care and kindness.

How do they show ‘genuine’ care and empathy if they don’t have a close relationship? Do you mean ‘appear to show’ genuine care and empathy?

tbh ‘employee centred strategies’ sounds like 90s management speak.

Not really. But that response tells me all I need to know about what sort of ‘manager’ you are/would be. Good luck with that,

Why does it need to be ‘all the time’ or ‘intrusive’. If someone is a good manager they a) should already know what their colleague would prefer and act accordingly, and b) should have the skills to show genuine care and empathy for their colleague using employee centred strategies.

Out of interest, do you think managers should be more ‘touchy feely’? Surely there is a balance? I wouldn’t be comfortable with my manager asking me how I am all the time because I would think they were making a point or just being intrusive

It may be that but also many managers don’t ask because they don’t want to get involved in a list of symptoms, and have to be suitably empathetic and sensitive.

You can be a valued employee but keeping a space in a professional relationship is important.

Also they don’t want to risk it being misunderstood as they are pissy about any time off.

All this thread is showing is the appalling lack of leadership and management skills so many managers have. I’m sorry you have a poor line manager OP and I wish you well in getting back to health.

Exactly.

From the manager’s perspective, if they ask if everything is ok and you say yes, they document that to protect themselves should they ever be asked how they managed you during this time ie to see if the support offered was appropriate

There is no reason for them to open Pandora’s box, by asking again how you are “really” doing and if everything truly is “fine”. It’s a liability realistically. They already have the answer they need, that they checked in and were not asked for any further support. Plus it could be twisted against them in a number of ways, including the employee saying they felt the manager was asking too much and pressuring them

I agree with this. My boss is supportive but has never asked how I’m coping etc. With my team, I’ll always ask but to be honest, most people share very little. I wouldn’t all of a sudden start doing less because of this, unless it was something I’d been thinking about anyway. The manager hasn’t done anything wrong.

Yabu. They've provided you with all the accomodations you've requested without question. They've never actually said anything that sounds critical. They sound like they've got decent professional boundaries in place, and are meeting their obligations as managers.

I really don't get what you want - them to take some kind of emotional burden?

you’re being needy here

your manager is not your personal friend, they are not going to ask how you are “really” doing under the facade, it’s not their business. They are not going to give you a personal check in, outside of what is mandatory from the company. If they are keeping a professional distance, that is standard as that’s all they need to do as per their job description!

Managers fuck up, when they get too personal or cross boundaries. This manager could at one point, be delivering bad news to you whether that’s minor or major, they can’t do their job properly if they treat you like a personal friend.

If you personally manage people like they are your friends and make it clear that you do care for them outside of a work context, then that’s your own prerogative - but that doesn’t make it the right way to lead a team.

I think you’re looking for work to be sympathetic, check in, reassure you that you are valuable and they are worried about losing you, or whatever but you need to stop doing that. You are a resource to them. They are not your personal friends, regardless of how long you’ve worked there or how much value you perceive you have.

I totally understand how you feel, but I'm not surprised and I don't think it's totally fair to expect much from a manager at work.

They should certainly make more of an effort to enquire about your wellbeing and whether you need more accomodations or time off. You can't make them "care" though, not everyone has the emotional intelligence to really get involved in their direct reports private life.

It seems to me that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to keep things running and put the business first. I don't think this is justified, you should take the rest you need and you're entitled to time off for sickness.
I don't agree that you are "just a number", but it is "just a job", and your health is more important.

If you're struggling to talk about this with your manager, you might want to reach out to HR? It depends how big your company is, but they might be more understanding and able to guide you towards reasonable adjustments and how to balance your work and your health conditions.

I was just answering the op.

I have rarely worked for a manager who asked how I was if I was having problems. They asked if they needed to but unless I was personally close them, it was kept professional.

Depends on the culture at your work I think