AIBU to think 80s parenting was often hands-off and unsupervised?

I forgot about the flashers. We had one as well.

They don’t seem to be around any more.

Born early 70s and yes, I think compared to today, it was hands-off. I was allowed to play out in the street from the age of about six, unsupervised, though with limits as to how far I could roam. At home, my sister and I were largely left to amuse ourselves - we didn't do planned activities or what's now called 'play dates' - very occasional 'friend to tea' as a treat, and birthday parties only.

My parents didn't impose limits on TV watching but in those days it was self-limiting as children's programmes were confined to specific slots, and daytime TV wasn't really a thing in my early childhood, you got long periods of no transmission with the occasional burst of the test card! I used to do a lot of drawing, making my own cartoon strips; writing stories, writing letters to my grandma who I adored, and I was an avid reader, I would happily re-read books many times if I had nothing new to read. I would also do a lot of craft things. In the summer my sister and I would play in the garden, making dens and so on.

We did go on a lot of day trips in spring/summer of the cheap and cheerful variety - picnic lunch and my dad was a voucher/offer fiend, if he could get cheap tickets by collecting 50 labels from baked beans, we'd be eating baked beans every day 😄

I walked to school by myself from the age of about six.

Discipline, sadly, was very much hands-on, or rather, slipper on, and I would be whacked very hard, till I bruised, for quite minor things - I was not an intentionally naughty child, but, as I learned later in life, I was autistic (not something my parents would have heard of) and I would get whacked if I, e.g. refused to wear an item of clothing because the material 'hurt' me or made a fuss because something in my bedroom had been changed and I couldn't sleep, that kind of thing - beaten into compliance, basically.

So, yes, probably a very different experience 40-50 years ago than in 2026.

My mum was great and played with us, thought of activities we could do at home, took us out on day trips etc - so we weren’t totally left to get on with it - BUT, the main difference was ‘playing out’. The freedom and independence we had was huge compared to the norm now.

From about 8/9 years old, me and my sibling were able to play out in the streets around our area (inner London), the local park etc. At 9/10 years old I regularly got the bus or train to the swimming pool or cinema 30 minutes away with friends. I walked to and from school. I could play out all day in the holidays and my mum wouldn’t worry as long as we were back before dark. This was totally normal.

I have fond memories of huge gangs of children aged 7-12 or 13 years roaming around together, playing ‘run outs’ir hide and seek, having water fights in the summer etc. Not a parent in sight.

My experience of growing up in the 80s is that I had lots of freedom which was great as I was pretty much left to enjoy myself which as a child and a teenager was brilliant, but on the flip side of that was a very un-involved mother who played a very small role in my childhood which has obviously had longer term implications.

The saying goes that every cloud has a silver lining but it works both ways. The perceived benefit of “hands off parenting” isn’t always a good thing in the long term.

I’m not a parent so I can’t comment on whether what parents do now is better or worse, but in many ways my 80s childhood was like yours and I was generally happy with it. I don’t remember my mum playing with me - my dad did, once a year on holiday in the annual boules-at-the-French-campsite ritual - but she did read to me and because she didn’t work until I was at secondary (and only PT then) she was always around.

My parents didn’t drink and I wasn’t roaming about until I was a teenager, though. More playing in the street when younger, but still in view of the house.

The big thing that has changed for the better is smacking. Knowing my parents, they aren’t the kind of people who would have done it if they’d known better. But they didn’t.

I was born late 70s and my childhood was pretty much as you described. We were raised by the coast and I was regularly alone on the beach or there with my younger brother's with no adults from about 8 years old, how we didn't drown I'll never know!

On rare occasion I needed petrol when my two were in the car I never took them out though I’d always try to fill up when I was on my own. I’d certainly never leave them in the car to do,the weekly shop. It’s so easy to judge other parents and I think we’re all guilty of that. I think be it now or in the past parents did what they thought was right and tbh most parents wing it.

I agree with this, my sister and I are incredibly resilient and very “take charge” and can find our way out of pretty much any scenario. My own children are very much wet lettuce types in comparison (and I mean that with love!).

Nor me. I wouldn't change my childhood (60s) for one today. 🙄

I don't recognise that parenting style OP either from bringing my kids up in the 80s and 90s or from my own 60s and 70s childhood.

It sounds pretty similar. My parents were great, I wasn’t put in dangerous situations and they were never harsh with me. But there was more of a sense they were getting with their lives and the kids were just around mostly entertaining themselves.

Like my mother had bridge night many Fridays, nibbles, drinks and Bridge… other women would take their kids and we’d all amuse ourselves. I just can’t picture myself and my friends sitting around playing cards on the regular (then driving home with our kids after a few drinks) And if there was a small kid there you’d be just expected to mind them.

It’s more child centred nowadays. Some of this is good. But I think the kids suffer from a lack of unsupervised play. It’s like we have gone too far the other way.

I grew up in the 70s/80s and i can honestly say i am so glad i did. I feel so sorry for children these days, no freedom, not being allowed to "just be" Every decision you make about anything having to be explained, picked over and micro managed by your parents. It really must be a living hell.
We have so many children that can't cope these days i would say parents of the last generation have got it so wrong. The proof is in the pudding.

Parents was a noun back then and not a verb .

I had a great childhood .We didn't know how lucky we were . The independence prepared us for our lives ahead .

@EmeraldShamrock000 We were regularly flashed at as kids, there was a prolific flasher in our village, I don't know how he got away with it, he was reported numerous times.

Sounds more like complete control. Maybe your children would love a bit of freedom.

The list of TV shows almost all aimed at children shows why there was no adult intervention. There were only 3 channels in the 1980s and at the times they were on if a child was watching TV, that's what they saw. Yes best patenting practice would have been to watch the programmes and discuss the themes covered, especially with Grange Hill, but no child was going to see anything that could be considered adult content at that time in the evening (all before the 6 o'clock News).
I really don't think that every mother was getting drunk every weekend in the 80s.

It was a good and bad time. I remember seeing a man flashing his penis when I was out with my friends about 8. We explored a few derelict buildings too and got into trouble as teenagers due to the lack of parental involvement. There were situations that we were left to deal with in our teenage years when they definitely needed an adult input.
Strange times especially as the parents in the 80’s would have been the children of the 60’s. I’m sure parenting was even more hands off then.

Childhood culture has changed. Kids used to play out because we wanted to, other kids were doing it, and our parents experienced the same in their childhood. It was completely normal. Kids today are hooked to tech and don’t have the same drive to play out as all their friends are hooked to tech too.

I'd a very similar upbringing. I was expected to have common sense and to be sensible and responsible. My mother was a parent and we weren't "friends" until I was in my 20s.

That sounds very cold but I was given a lot of freedom to go where and when I wanted as long as they knew (more or less) where I was. It was all pre-internet and people were a lot less cynical.

Parenting in the 80s was a whole other level. We lived in a very safe estate but we were totally free range despite being very high needs kids. Autism wasn’ta thing then but I was 3-4 in 83 and in nursery /play school about a mile away. I” got out “ one day before I was in reception and made my way to school and my mum had no idea until the school called her to say I’d turned up and wanted to play. My little sister was born in 83 and in 86 she was showed out in the garden but the garden didn’t have a lock on it…. Our parents kept getting told she was wandering around naked and they honestly find her every time by following the trail of clothes. Shocking really. From age 4 I was allowed out free range as there was always a huge group of kids aged 4-12 from our cul de sac. We went miles every day and they parents basically relied on the older ones looking after the younger ones. It worked, to a fashion. Nobody ever got seriously hurt and we did look after each other. No main roads and our town is all pathways away from main roads etc. but wet lives very close to a river and we played in that river constantly. It’s a miracle really that we didn’t get hurt or drowned. Worst injuries was a girl from my class broke both her arms when a rope swing snapped 12ft above a 12cm deep concrete pond at the top of our road. A few moto cross accidents. One kid got killed crossing a road but that was because he crossed the road instead of using the perfectly safe bridge 4ft away from him. Schools in our town banned parkas with the snood bit after that as the police said that was a contributing factor.

I was a teenager in the 80's. My dad worked abroad so mum and i growing up for most of it. Spent a lot of time with my grandparents too. Mum was very strict, had to be home by 10pm at the latest

Ds1 was born in 1988. Me and my friends were often drinking and letting the kids get on with it (indoors). No one suffered.

Im @carpool 's kids' age and agree this must have been when it changed, I didnt have any of the freedom to roam much (although was allowed to play on our small street) and lots of organised activities

There are still parents like that today.
Mine was less hands on but still cautious and aware. I have friends who allow their little children play wherever while they sunbathe on the beach and other friends who helicopter parent. I’m more on the helicopter side as my DC don’t have natural cope on or good coordination.
I don’t think people realise how many children currently live like that.

My memories are similar to yours op
I remember playing outside till the streetlights came on ,and every child one after the other was called in for bed ,untill I was the last one out ,and took myself in.
I was constantly slapped across the backs of the legs ,I swear she kept me in short skirts to have easy access to my legs .
I think she used to go to out and leave me home alone a lot but locked in the house from about 5 or 6.
Age 11 to 14 ,the parents went on regular holidays leaving us home alone for a week and we were supposed to take ourselves to school .
The bus crashed one day and there was no parent to take me to hospital to have a cut stitched up .
So a teacher had to take me .
Nothing ever came of it though
Actually,not the point of this thread ..but you would be amazed what my parents got away with ,with out social services getting involved