AIBU to think 80s parenting was often hands-off and unsupervised?

I think 80s90s kids were neglected badly.

not for those of us with very religious parents it wasn’t, it was home education, very limited vetted tv viewing, no video games, no going out by yourself on case you meet “worldly” children, no fun dangerous activities generally, bible study, helping your parents at home. talk about helicopter parenting…….
No way did I want that for my children

I had an 80s childhood. My mum did a lot with us but we also had a huge amount of unsupervised freedom. We spent a lot of time outdoors. It was really rare for a child to be overweight and I never heard of anyone having anything bad happen to them apart from the odd graze, bruise or dog bite.

I was born in the 80s (though in the later half) and my parents played with us (especially card games) and we spent a lot of time as a family (7 of us altogether). We weren't turfed out to play but we were allowed to play out with limits (lived on a busy road so that may have affected it as when we were on holiday we were allowed to roam completely freely). I have fond memories of us all playing a turn based computer game on my dad's computer (Empire), also we played the MSX a lot and I think we also had a ZX Spectrum.

I was born in the late 70s and my parents weren't hands-off at all. My Dad worked full time but played with us every evening and weekend. We went on lots of outings together. There were a lot of local children and we would go round to their houses or gardens but never for more than a couple of hours and my parents always knew where we were.

I did a lot of extracurricular activities which my parents facilitated. The only area where they were probably more hands-off was school and schoolwork, but there wasn't the same pressure for good exam results that there is today.

I recognise some of what you say but not everything.
My parents were strict but fair and we had a lot of fun. That said, we were expected to put up with boring stuff like running errands with our parents, visiting old relatives etc. Unlike today, where everything is kid-centric, we were expected to tolerate a certain amount of boredom and get on with it, which I think was actually a really good thing. Some of my fondest memories are of boring trips to places, but me and my brother making up a quiet game to play to amuse ourselves, or just daydreaming at the surroundings.
Summer holidays were mostly about playing in the garden with maybe a couple of fun days out planned.

80s/90s but it’s the going out that’s changed I think. The pp who mentioned BOUNDARIES was exactly how it was for us. I knew exactly where I was allowed to go (and where my best friend was allowed to go, which wasn’t as far, which was annoying). I was on the beach alone at 7 but getting in the water just wouldn’t have occurred to me.

Older kids minding the weans as well - if the toddler was out you just looked out for him.

We were in and out of everyone’s house all day though and I think in the pre mobile phone era there wasn’t that expectation from anyone that you could know where someone was instantly so it didn’t seem concerning if our parents idea of where we were was more of a region than a pinpoint. Come dinner we’d wash up at someone’s house and the mums would call each other to let them know they had us.

there were more SAHMs which maybe affects it- mine wasn’t but there would’ve been adults around in the neighbourhood during the day who knew who we were, even if none of us were theirs on that particular day, and in an emergency we could’ve knocked on most doors with some knowledge of who lived there, within about a half a mile. Maybe that’s what’s changed?

Ideally , we’d strike a balance. Present, while building independence and confidence. Sending them out to try, safe in the knowledge that they have help and support at home if needed.

Agreed. I found The Anxious Generation a bit too unilateral like that. He was so hellbent on blaming screens for everything, he would mention other reasons very fleetingly and essentially brush them off. I’m an academic and thought that was pretty poor. You can’t make an argument without fairly acknowledging the other side and there’s definitely more to the MH crisis than screens.

Yep, I was just reminiscing with a woman I was best friends with at primary school. We were talking about how much we do for our kids, our lives revolve around them which is world's apart from when we were kids. Her family were farmers and my family ran a business. We were left to our own devices. Playing in the field round both our houses, playing beside a very large body of water etc etc. we'd be gone for hours! Honestly if my son did that I'd be worried sick.

It's a shame in a way we can't be like that, but at the same time there must've been some horrendous accidents and me and my friend just happened to be lucky we didn't get into bother

we had access to cigarettes, alcohol and porn whenever we wanted. The shops didn't care what we bought or that we were clearly children. And porn was on terrestrial TV every Friday night!

I actually remember children smoking in year 6 AT PRIMARY SCHOOL....

drink driving was so common. Adults actually needed to be told not to drink and drive via TV adverts ffs 🤣

Glad things are safer now! It's shocking to look back on it all tbh

I turned 60 last week (wtf still feel 25yo in the head!) and my childhood in 70's and 80's was def like yours. I feel so bad for kids of today who can't play out like we did. In our community, people looked out for everyone, our parents didn't know exactly where we were but someone would have seen us.

I used to take an hours bus journey into the city from the age of 7 or 8 with my siblings too.

The older kids looked out for us. I esp liked how they would build the biggest bonfire to celebrate guy Fawkes and we'd take it in turns to raise money for sparklers etc. I look back and think I had an idyllic childhood.

Thankfully everyone survived.

i was lucky to be a child in the 70s and had freedom, I could get on my bike on a Sunday and cycle round the town ( about as many cars out as Xmas day morning now)

I used to play out with friends, we weren’t micromanaged

my own children in the 90s and 00s were allowed out to play, walked to school and home from year 3 and I tried to give them as much freedom as I had. I problem I had was their friends weren’t allowed freedom

i do remember having to teach my youngest how to get the bus to secondary school, it was two public buses. It was apparent very quickly she didn’t have any idea how to navigate 😂 and thank goodness for mobile phones. Whereas I’d been allowed out on my bike, so knew the local area, she didn’t have that ability.

The streets are like ghost towns these days and we never see kids playing even on hot summers days. they are either out with parents on days out or indoors on a screen.

But society judges it harshly now. If those dc playing out are involved in an accident or abducted some of the first accusations will be “why weren’t the dc being watched”.

Rates of mental illness in young people are soaring, so absolutely not convinced that modern parenting is an overall improvement

Are we sure there is more mental illness or just more discussion/diagnosis. Plenty of drinking etc to mask feelings in older generations.

Of course there were examples of poor and neglectful parenting in the relatively recent past, but overall I think the more modern hyper-focus on children is a really bad thing. It's not produced a stellar generation of young adults has it? Rather the opposite in fact.

Same. I actually wish I'd have raised my own dc in the era I grew up in. I'd have done more with my dc than my parents did with me but overall I feel it was a much better era without that constant pressure to be entertaining kids and it was more acceptable to leave them to explore the world for themselves.
My own dc now teens have no clue how to navigate the streets in our local area like I did as a child and they lack the confidence I had simply because kids don't play out and explore these days. I've been more than happy to let my kids Play out but it's difficult when there's no other kids to play out with. The streets are like ghost towns these days and we never see kids playing even on hot summers days. they are either out with parents on days out or indoors on a screen.

Sounds like my childhood OP!

That’s how I feel - i enjoyed going out to play, I feel that my kids have missed out on a lot compared to how I grew up. I think back of those days playing with friends fondly.

I was born in 76 and from age 7 I was allowed to go out and play and found some friends in a nearby avenue. I was never home, which suited me as my mum had some mental health issues and her and my dad were always arguing and bringing us into it. It wasn’t a safe haven, far from it. None of my 3 kids (all 18 plus) went out to play. Times have changed, parents are much more involved than they were in the 80’s.

I think this is what makes parenting so hard these days, society expects you to supervise at all times.

You've just described my 1980s childhood. I was only talking about this yesterday. Every thing is extremely child focused these days and there's constant pressure on parents to be entertaining their kids with activities and days out etc. It's a world away from my 80s childhood where I was just left to entertain myself exactly as you described. I'd be out of the door each morning to play with the neighbourhood kids. tbh I had the best of times. A day out was an extremely rare occasion I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of days out and holidays I had throughout my entire childhood. And there were definitely no after school activities. Mum or dad never played with us or entertained us in anyway. It sounds neglectful by today's standards but I was happy, it made me streetwise and I developed great social skills which I think many kids are lacking these days.
I've done way more with my own dc than my parents ever did with me but must admit ive found the pressure and anxiety to be constantly entertaining them with days out and experiences, because that's what's everyone does and is expected these days to be extremely stressful and I wish it was more like it was in the 80s.

Yes, this. Also micro managed "play dates."
You just played with your friends! Not who you mum had wangled a "date" with at the school gate. 😍

I was a latch key kid from the age of 12, late 70’s as my single mother had to work, I also don’t remember her being very motherly at all and reading me stories etc, grew up in a large council estate so there were loads of kids all ages and we were out until it was getting dark, also don’t remember her ever asking where I’d been but the neighbours were always watching what you were up to and god help you if you annoyed any of them, also the fear of the police was very real in those days so we never got into trouble 😂

Your childhood sounds very similar to mine albeit I don’t think I had a lack of supervision or anything, but completely similar in terms of what we would get up to, and the TV programmes I watched (albeit I definitely was supervised in that respect as I was only allowed to watch “one lot of Australian rubbish” as my mum called it and had to choose between Neighbours and Home and Away! (I don’t think she meant any offence to Australians, more the fact that it was a soap).

My parents did do plenty with us, but I don’t think in the sort of needing to entertain us / schedule activities / supervise all day every day that I feel is now the norm. It was more in the sense that (I) they really supervised and checked my homework in the evening and did educational things with us and occasionally at the weekend if I wanted to do some art that was a bit more than just drawing (dad was an artist in his spare time so eg he might do some screen printing or something with us as a fun thing to do) but also we would do stuff as a family sometimes as the weekend with their friends who also had children - lots of family friends coming to stay for visits because we lived in a pretty bit of countryside so then the inevitable long country walks etc. Supervising us didn’t dominate their lives as in a full time thing, often it was a case of doing something with us fitted in around other things they had to do, and also sometimes it was doing stuff that was fun for all of us with family friends. There were quite a lot of dinner parties at their friends houses or at ours. Generally speaking a normal weekend would be mealtimes together, and in between, playing by ourselves or taking ourselves off out and about with friends, because mum and dad would be busy cooking / cleaning / gardening / dad would prob be doing some DIY or something. I do remember the sort of freedom you described and playing out all day at weekends / the holidays - no limits in terms of how far we were allowed to roam that I remember. It was a big change though in that I lived in London until age 6 so couldn’t go anywhere at all on my own, then we moved to a small rural village and suddenly it was just you could go and call on a friend in the village by yourself and go out and about in the fields and woods as far as we felt like.