AIBU to think 80s parenting was often hands-off and unsupervised?

They fuck you up, your mum & dad (borrowed from Philip Larkin.)

Parents weren't NEGLECTFUL, then, for Heaven's sake, it was just the parenting style then - ie the way life had always been before it changed for the worse..

Even back then we had some kids like that. They weren’t allowed out with us , or to be home alone or do various things. Or some were just lazy as fuck . I remember my uni bf complaining he was starving and his mum wasn’t yet home from work. He grew up the same as I did, he was just a lazy twat.

For reference, my 14 yo gets her own uber when needed.

This is pretty much the same as my childhood. Weird really as my parents were woefully neglectful in some areas- cycle off for miles , out all day with no food/ drink/ money with no idea where I was or who I was with. Looking back I can see that I was actually quite annoying for friends families as I’d be there for hours all the time. Really not sure what my DM thought about that but wasn’t bothered. The best one was where they let me go off to a huge regional farm show on my own with a livery stable owner ( bachelor in 30s) where the pony I looked after was in a competition. Not only was that a massive safeguarding issue but they gave me little to no money or food, it was boiling hot and I was there in my own for hours . Couldn’t have been more than 12!!
Wonder how many of us over compensate with our DK now?!

Same but 70s/80s. I wasn’t told to go out but wasn’t entertained at all, no birthday parties, rare days out, wasn’t encouraged to do sports, music etc. They generally didn’t know what I was doing at school, when my exams were etc. It wasn’t a bad childhood, I just wasn’t a priority like my kids are.

There's another thread at the moment where the OP is upset because her son doesn't want her there when he moves to University.

Young people are damned if they're too independent and damned if they're too dependant!

I was born in 1990 but my brothers and sister were born in the 80s. I wasn't allowed out and about as much on my own. I had a close friend nearby and we would play on her street with other kids sometimes but mostly we played at home. I got the bus into town with friends from the age of 13 and just hung around the shops all day and went to the cinema and pizza hut. I don't remember my mum playing with me as she was always busy with housework, always had stories at bed time though. I have toddler twins and have no idea what the new parenting style is as they haven't started nursery yet, we just go to stay and plays. Sounds like things have changed a lot. My mother recently admitted to putting us in the living room with the kids TV on after school so she could have a quiet sherry in the kitchen before cooking the tea 🤣

It does worry me how dependent some young adults (in their 20’s) are, because their parents are so involved in their lives. Even my DD (20) has commented that sone of her friends can’t seem to do basic things like book their own tickets or take an Uber, for example. They’re legally adults, but their parents are still doing everything for them!

I think we’ve swung too far in the overprotective direction -perhaps our parents were too uninvolved, but we were expected to be develop some independence.

Yes sorry 😅I meant my grandparents didn't have modern appliances so my parents were left to entertain themselves so probably expected us to as well.

My 80s childhood was similar in ways - LOTS of freedom, summers outside, at the seashore or parks in big groups of kids alone. It was idyllic in many ways andm in my view, better than the organised childhoods of today. My parents didn't do lots with us exactly but they were always around and did read to us, and my dad would play darts, cards, subutteo (sp?) with us. They were quite health conscious people so no drunken gatherings or anything like that - we all did socialising separately due to interests/hobbies. I spent a LOT of time at my best friend's house and on her family gatherings too which nobody seemed to mind! Due to the freedom and also living in a 'safe' tiny, town, I was far more often out on my own and walked to school myself from my second day, aged 5. In many ways I think it was a preferable lifestyle than my children have had because there were more opportunities for learning independence but I was lucky where I grew up. My own children live in a large city with heavy traffic so it isn't really comparable.

I grew up in the 60s and was an original 'latchkey kid'. During summer holidays I'd leave the house in the morning and not return till evening. My friends and I used to hang out at local parks, go on bus rides, or run up and down the escalators at the local shopping centre. My mum never knew where I was. As a parent in the 80s my children were never far from my side. I loved being with them and was always the sad mum in the playground when they had to go back to school after the holidays.

Yep, that's pretty much my childhood. Better for the kids - and better for the parents. They knew that, yes, the kids mattered - but so did they. Nowadays parents arrange their entire lives around their kids and let them rule the roost and never put their own needs first - and then go on Mumsnet to complain about how stressed they are. Eighties kids knew the whole world didn't revolve around us, and we're better and more resilient people for it.

Absolutely not! I think you must have been unlucky. My upbringing was ’children first’ and that’s what I did. I had a p/t job and it meant a few sacrifices career wise, but I treasure the time I had with DS and DD and would do it all again. ’Me time’ is now I am retired, but I’d still rather have DGCs around.

Early Eighties kid here! My mum had mega-anxiety so I had marginally less freedom - I could play out with friends but had to come home every half hour to prove I was still alive or if a friend said I could play at theirs, I had to run home and tell her who it was before returning to said friend’s house. But it’s still considerably more freedom than kids nowadays seem to have.

This is something I wrestle with now I have a daughter - I want her to have those freedoms when she’s older. Not to be a latchkey kid but certainly one that is confident going out, getting into scrapes and getting herself out of them. How to do that in today’s overprotective society, I’m not sure.

there were so many things like this that happened in my 80s childhood to kids I knew. Personally I can remember all kinds of situations where I definitely did not feel safe and felt very vulnerable around older boys and would hear awful things from friends. Things I wish I’d told an adult about but I’m not even sure if much would have been done and we weren’t taught about things like consent or sexual abuse other than some ‘charlie says…’ stranger danger videos. I got in situations that luckily never turned out that bad but make my blood run cold imagining my kids doing now.

Most definitely. They really seem to live through their kids at the detriment of their own lives.
Can't be healthy surely?

Sounds very familiar. We were feral and wild. I’m not sure our parents did much parenting, I think my grandparents did most of that. But pretty much relate with what you have unwritten. The good old times eh, we learnt lessons quickly back then and we were street smart.

I think this is an underreported reason for the falling birth rate.

Parenting is so much more of a hassle now, perhaps more than it has been in living memory.

The advances in knowledge may have changed things for the better in some ways, but the downside is that almost everything seems like a saga now.

I was 10 in 1980. But my parents were very protective although friends knocked for me I couldn't go out and play on the streets unless one of my parents watched me. My mum didn't play with me as much as I did with my kids but she used to love drawing and colouring with us.

This is so familiar!

thwre is too much organised fun nowadays. We just had a great time playing outin the streets

kids today are so busy with clubs and elaborate parties

I think this is where the decade can make a difference. When I was young in the 70s my parents didn't have -

automatic washing machine (they had a twin tub)
tumble dryer (they had a spin dryer)
microwave (not widely available till the 80s)
Freezer (available but not ubiquitous as they became in the 80s)
car (more common in those days not to have one)
their own phone line (we had a party line shared with a house across the street - again more common in the 70s, something to do with STD codes being a recent innovation)
video recorder (not widely available in the 70s)
dishwasher (much less common in the 70s)

By the end of the 80s they had all those things bar the tumble dryer, which they still don't have (I don't have one either!).

I was an 80s parent. Usually had a house full of other people's children as my son was an only child. They were allowed to play out and around the playground which was behind our house. Plenty of freedom, but with caveats as to how far they could go. Also, never tried to argue with my son or reason with a 3 year old (as I have seen so much now) - I was boss. That's how it was then. There again, we didn't have MN or other sources of advice telling us how wrong we were doing it 😂

What modern appliances didn't they have? I was born in the 80s and my parents had the same appliances I do.
ETA- reading again I think you're referring to your grandparents not having the appliances when your parents were children?

#Shakes head, I feel so sorry for today's kids. They are like hothouse plants. I was pretty wild, but loved (dogs, horses, pals, came home when it was dark.) Spent some time outside pubs in the car with Radio Luxembourg & pop & crisps!
My kids spent most of their time out with friends, too. Good times.

Verrry familiar, although we were a large family of 9 kids, only 8 survived childhood, not to mention other major accidents and near misses. So much trauma that was avoidable through being present and responsible. Parents took us children for granted and inflicted emotional and physical abuse like it was the norm, in the name of discipline. Their philosophy towards us has always been, never say I love you/I'm proud of you/I care (it would spoil us). I'm so very glad parenting has changed although I do lament the freedom and recognize that mine was at the extreme end of 80s childhood 🤣

I cannot envisage a situation on god’s green earth that would have made my mother get involved in a friendship drama. The very thought is actually making me chuckle.