AIBU to think 80s parenting was often hands-off and unsupervised?

Sounds very similar to my childhood, born early 80's. I remember my mum didn't want us under her feet so we had to go out and play/ride on our bikes for most of the day. Luckily I had siblings and there were other children on our street to hang out with. My parents live in the same house and there're definitely more cars on the road now, doesn't feel as if it would be so safe nowadays .

My parents are older and it was totally normal in their day to be out of the house all day, mother's didn't have modern appliances to help with washing and cleaning so they wouldn't have been able to play with the children, kids had to look after each other and older siblings would have had to look after the younger ones.

Sounds pretty much like my childhood in the 1960's, and that of my peer group. Except I was an only child and that nobody got drunk at the weekends. My parents weren't teetotal or anything but booze only really featured at Christmas apart from maybe stopping at a pub on a day out. I don't think it's controlling to tell children to behave themselves, to wear what's available or to eat what they're given. We were poor, so my mum couldn't afford dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets as well as her delicious homemade dinners even if she wanted to. Besides, that sort of processed muck didn't exist!

mid-80’s baby here and exactly the same experience… except with the addition of lots of visiting pubs.

I was an early 60s baby and had kids in the mid/ late 80s, so both a child and parent. Both my parents were very involved. Would play games in the garden, teach skipping, hand stands and play cricket or catch for ages. Yes we played out on the front with neighbours kids but didn't really just roam anywhere. The parents regularly came out to check on us, join in or offer drinks. Obviously as we became teenagers we went further, but we had to say where we were going and with who plus a time we would be back.
As a parent my boys were very young in the late 80s so not of an age to go without supervision. We played loads of games, did craft and baking (think grey pastry and very messy cupcakes) and had music and song times. I followed on from my parents who followed the example of theirs.
Teenagers go without much supervision now, but mobiles make it seem different.

OP's memories are very similar to mine in most ways (I was born 1974). Except my parents weren't big drinkers and or mum didn't approve of playing out in the street, but that was definitely a snobby thing, not because of safety. We were allowed to go to the shops or the beach on our own and take the dogs for a walk for example.

We definitely weren't pandered to and were expected to fit in with adults lives not the other way around. I remember a lot of boredom particularly in the school holidays. My mum ran a podiatry clinic from home and when she was working we had to stay upstairs and be very quiet. Luckily we both loved reading!

I think in some ways it wasn't bad as it did make me more resourceful, resilient and self reliant. But I remember feeling really aggrieved and frustrated by the lack of autonomy. I dont know if that was the general vibe then or my parents in particular. My mum chose our clothes, our meals, our extra curricular activities and she even had a good go at choosing our friends. There seemed to be a total lack of interest in who we were as people rather than just extensions of our parents.

I've tried a different balance with my children. I probably haven't got that right either! But they seem ok so far and confide in me about their fears, passions and dreams for the future. I never had conversations like that with my parents.

And to be fair it depends on the sort of child you have. My son is very gregarious and outspoken, so I dont think he could have been "boxed up" by my 70s mum if she'd tried. Once he was at secondary school he asked us to get him a bus pass so he could go to town and to friends houses at the weekend. Didn't think much about it (I had a bus pass at the same age) until friends with kids the same age seemed really shocked that he was "allowed to go off on his own in public transport". He later went to his uni open days on his own (as I had done), I felt really guilty when I realised the done thing is for parents to go these days, but he would have hated that!

However our younger child is more cautious and nervous and I suspect she will want us to come to stuff like uni open days (which is fine). So I'm playing it by ear a bit!

Really interesting thread.

We were expected to play by ourselves inside if not playing with siblings.

My mum ran a Saturday morning drama class for a few years, took us out shopping (not just food) and often on days out, theme parks, but she was a teacher so had holidays off. Lots of museums, castles.

I did have a bit more supervision than the OP but broadly my experience is similar. I don't think it was bad though, just like nowadays it all depended on the people around you. I certainly didn't have any dodgy playdates with pissed parents like one of the PP! Some adults were nice and some weren't but I never had any experience of gross negligence, violence or sexual abuse. I remember many lovely times with siblings and friends without any adult interruption.
A lot of parents nowadays seem to think they are doing things much better, I don't think that's the case. There has never been so much anxiety among young people as nowadays, same for obesity, so I think as a society we are nowhere close to raising our children perfectly.

70s/80s childhood here. Exactly the same. But us kids tended to look out for each other or go around in groups of 2 or 4 or more.

Yes, sounds very familiar apart from the parents drinking bit.
Was at home alone every day for about 1.5 hours from the age of ten and had to turn on veg for dinner etc. All day alone in school holidays from about 13.
The previous generation had even more leeway. My mum and dad were wartime children and used to play on bombsites.

Apart from the drinking that was my experience. It was great, there were always lots of kids out and about to play with, we had lots of adventures. Adult led activities weren't really a thing, even my friends mum who was a childminder would just leave us to play, although she was the most involved and would pop out with drinks and snacks to check on us.

A strange man tried to get me in their car when I was 10. When I told adults, (teachers and family) not one person cared!

Makes me shudder a lot.

I'm so glad things have changed for the better!

Definitely remember the Commodore 64 taking longer to load than you actually spent playing! Ours was 2nd hand too so there was only about a 50% chance of a tape actually working.

I see these threads concerned about letting teen kids out and knowing their exact whereabouts on life 360...

I think it worse when you see adults - over 18 being tracked and posters arguing it's for their protection and perfectly normal.

I feel sad when I hear about kids in their teens who have never been on public transport or made a purchase in a shop for themselves. They are ferried everywhere by their parents.

We don't drive so our know walking routes and buses and trains - their mates frequnetly don't and their parents often have very different risks levels. My kids do a summer trip all of them to nearby town - was scary first year as youngest was just 11 - my oldest 15 and oldest one going with them just 16. Youngest asked a mate along last year 16 deemed too young by the parents - the rest of the group were all over 18 by then.

My kids were born in 1986 and 1987 and that is not how they were parented, although I think some of their friends were. We were very often the ones ferrying everyone home, or having a house full of other people's kids. I think our kids thought we were super fussy and restrictive then but DD now has kids of her own, the oldest of whom is only a couple of years off of having to walk to and from school on their own and she is freaking out at the thought!

Similar but probably a lot colder, there was no reading or singing. It felt like we were just there. DPs were both teetotal and DM never worked outside the home. I had seven siblings!
We didn't holiday much, splitting our time between two large homes, so I know they weren't poor, but I felt like I was.
Your childhood sounds similar to many of my friends and better than mine, which looking back feels negligent. Both DPs died years ago.

It sounds similar to my childhood in the late 60s/early 70s. We roamed free, played in the woods and fields, big ones looked after little ones. Home for dinner and tea. The church was a big factor in our upbringing, Sunday School then Confirmation Class. My parents didn't drink, not teetotal, they just weren't interested. My dad loved his garden and music, mum worked p/t on and off when we were older but when we were little she was always at home. I used to take myself off to school and Sunday School from the age of 6.

Sounds a lot like my childhood. I still find it hard to get my head around how much freedom I had at a young age. By the time I was 7 I was getting myself up and dressed, making breakfast , walking to school with my friend and had cleaning tasks and walked to the local shops. My 7 year old still needs to be supervised or he will put his pants on backwards and not a chance he could leave our estate independantly 😅.

I think it's sort of right, but there's a bigger picture you're missing.

So yes, we were out playing but a) we had boundaries and we knew what they were and wouldn't have DREAMED of going beyond them. In our case, our house was the last one in the estate we were allowed to go past - so anything "above" our house, fine. Anything "below" - get caught and it's a hiding.

Ditto, older siblings WERE expected to take on a certain supervisory role, but it wasn't that onerous. It was more about taking responsibility. At the same time, the "village" was 100% in operation - if we misbehaved elsewhere in the neighbourhood you can be damn sure that Mrs Jones would let us know about it, and there was a damn good chance she'd tell my mum and dad and we'd know even MORE about it then. Ditto - we wore certain clothes, greeted all adult guests whent hey came into the house, cleaned up after dinner, made those adult guests tea/coffee etc etc etc. We didn't dream of refusing or complaining.

Ditto, yes, during the day, we weren't being "entertained" by our parnets - they were working. But we were sitting down to dinner together every night. No exceptions. We were expected to do our own homework and if we got into trouble at school for not doing it - no sympathy from mom and dad. They DID support us by providing the tools and the environment to do it in. I remember the BIG DEAL trip Dad took me and my brother on to choose our first ever "proper" desks so we could do "proper" homework. This was an especially big deal because at the time, there was little to no spare money so we knew that they'd really made an effort to get these desks for us.

And as for other stuff, they were 100% there for extra curricular - we did sport through school and they turned up for matches, took their turn at doing the tea/coke/orange segments for during/after etc.

We also spent a lot of time with them just doing chores. Helping dad in the garden or mum with the cooking. So sure, fewer trips to the big waterpark (didn't exist) but plenty of time together including beach trips and walks with the dog, learnign to ride our bikes etc.

To be honest, I'm actually doing my best to replicate as much of this as possible. I'm not doing very well on insisting on chores. But the rest, largely is going okay.

I think attitudes were different. I was expected to do as I was told but was also expected to occupy myself for long periods of time, often unsupervised and outside of my home. We would roam around the village on our bikes for hours and no one gave a monkeys. It had a busy main A road running through it, but again no one seemed bothered. A bus knocked me off my bike once and when I told my mum she said "well you're alright aren't you, be more careful next time" - as though it was somehow my fault 😂. I was expected to do homework by myself. Don't recall either or my parents ever helping me. On rainy days I was expected to occupy myself in the playroom and keep my younger siblings occupied too. If it was dry we were usually booted into the back garden and again expected to occupy ourselves. When my mum went to the supermarket, we were all expected to stay in the car and "behave". It used to feel like she was in there forever and we'd fight like angry hornets until we saw her coming back!.

However, my parents were much stricter & more controlling about us having to be quiet in adult company, not make a fuss, behave properly, eat everything that was put in front of us and above all do as we were told - there wasn't any negotiating!

I see these threads concerned about letting teen kids out and knowing their exact whereabouts on life 360...

At 12 we'd get the bus to the nearest big town with a cinema and shopping centre (12 miles away) and at 15 we were getting the train to Manchester 60 miles away. Parents generally trusted us not to do stupid shit.

I reckon we're all generally more resourceful with more common sense as a result.

Sounds about right TBH.

DH got way more freedom at a younger age and did the come home with street lights. Older brother was similar went for miles. I was more restricted did play out though by secondary rarely allowed out Mum didn't want me handing round street corners - younger sister had bit more freedom in 90s - weekends were more household jobs and grandparent visits.

We got left in car when they got fish and chips - big shops we had to help. I did get left in car when got lift back from music group with slightly older child parents always stopped off to do weekly supermarket shopping in way back. My parents when they did pick ups took us straight back.

Walked to school from Key stage 2 with friends - my kids were older as school didn't allowed it at such young ages. On bus for secondary and expected to sort it out if bus didn't turn up either end of school day which did happen despiet it being a dedicated service. School wouldn't let us ring home - so had to walk hald way to nearest pay phones.

We didn't get a lot of parental attention TBH - they read and took interest in schooling - but we were expected to entertain oursleves - TV and books, toys each other - hobbies weren't encouraged either - though they did faciliate the music more to do with DGP approval - my DC all have their own little projects on go like DH as an adult and have done more groups and had external swimmig lessons - partly as school ones they had on offer wouldn't teach swimming. Fewer day trips out fewer holidays and eating out due to money.

Yes! I find it quite sad actually....

Locked in a car while parents at the pub? Yep!

My parents didn't care where I was. Or who with. Neither did my friends parents or our Grandparents.

I was never even read to. Never taken to a playground or beach. Nobody helped or cared about homework or parents evening. Same for DH and my friend group.

But on Gransnet they often comment on "today's awful parenting this" and "today's awful parenting that". (And how tarty we all are in our leopard print) 🫠

I think the 70s and 80s model of "benign neglect" - with discipline, when needed - prepared us well for adult life. We learnt to be resilient and to use our common sense. We didn't expect our parents to bail us out of every scrape. We knew that we weren't the centre of the universe. We respected adults. We enjoyed and sought our independence. We learnt how to entertain ourselves. Education was a priority.
Can we really say all of that about children who grew/are growing up with modern styles of parenting? Yes, there was good and bad in all eras, to be fair, but young people now can be so wet, and run to mummy and daddy at the first hint of a problem - how will they progress in life?

My mum used to sit me and DB (aged prob 5 and 4) in front of the elevator in a department store and go off shopping. There was a lift attendant. Kept us amused for ages....

The 80s was the golden era.

Me (age 10) and little bro, (age 7) would roam and ride on bikes for MILES across the fields and to neighbouring villages.

Utterly fearless and totally independent.