It’s another ND one

Ah, just enjoy the group you go to. Pointless overthinking anything about it.

Tbh that sounds like modern life.

ASD/ADHD is not just having certain traits. It is having certain traits to the extent they are harming your life in some way.

Birds of a feather. Even undiagnosed ND people tend to recognise something in other ND people.

And actually I am sure it wasn’t intentional but the idea of people being diagnosed because they are introverts and don’t like parties is quite offensive. Being introverted and being ND are not the same thing.

I was diagnosed with ASD at 50 and ADHD at 55. I have struggled all my life with certain environments to the point of not being able to attend things where I can’t disappear home if needed. It’s not the same as just preferring your own company.

Also women are under diagnosed because the criteria is set around how it presents in boys. So widening the criteria to include how it presents in women and girls is a good thing.

@Knittingunwittingly I think I listen to the same podcast and was also surprised when the host dropped in about being autistic.

I’ve had some social difficulties myself (posted about the most recent one just today!) and have wondered whether I am ND. I definitely lean towards being anxious and have some autistic / ADHD & OCD traits.

But I’ve held down relationships, some friendships, good career (10+ years in current role), and day to day I’m ok. Although admittedly I’ve been fortune in some respects & built the kind of life that suits me (WFH, lots of outdoors time in nature, exercise, large quiet house, just one DC) so that massively helps me be ok.

I wonder at what point my hobbies would be deemed autistic “special interests” as opposed to just hobbies? I wonder whether the fact I don’t click with some groups means I’m autistic, or maybe they just aren’t my people? I wonder whether the fact I get burnt out by messages coming at me from Teams, email, WhatsApp is due to being ND or just that modern life is awful in that regard?

Given I’m largely ok, it doesn’t feel right to compare myself to people I know who are ND and sadly have a pretty miserable life day to day with huge struggles over pretty much everything.

Whereas my current “struggle” is feeling a bit socially rejected by the other school mums.

OP yes the diagnostic criteria has expanded- two key changes: removing subcategories such as Asperger’s, and by only two domains of the 3 now being required for diagnosis.
Additionally- elements of the criteria are somewhat subjective, such as social communication deficits, and functional limitations.
i guess ultimately would come to why you’d be seeking diagnosis whether there is something you might be hoping to gain from it, and how important that is to you.. eg understanding, access support, including through being registered disabled etc

Nature truly is a comfort and healer. Wishing you and every one else who is trying to overcome their struggles all the very best x

No, of course there aren’t more ND people - the vast majority of people are NT. But if you’re ND yourself you’re more likely to be friends with/share interests with other ND people.

I had an ex-bf who studied Maths at Cambridge - I’d be willing to bet that everyone or nearly everyone on his course was ND (including him - at the time he had a diagnosis of dyslexia and I thought he was incredibly scatty - obvious now with hindsight he had ADHD too). But I studied History and out of the 10 in my college on my course there was only 1 person who (again with hindsight) was on the spectrum - everyone else NT.

My kids are in classes of 30 in state schools and there are 2-3 ND kids per class, which I think again reflects the general population.

that is wonderful to hear that so many children are getting the help and support they need.

You don't have to comment

You can have arrangements for all sorts of SEN that is nothing to do with ND.

In the school I work at 89 children in the current Year 11 have been given access arrangements for their exams - that's out of a total year group of 230. That's nearly 40%!
I have worked in exams for about 15 years and the number of children with a diagnosis of some kind increases every year.

ND people definitely tend to hang out together - even if they don’t realise.

I have different groups of friends. With my NT friends I do feel more on edge, really trying not to interrupt, over share or make it all about me! It can be a bit exhausting.

When I hang out with my ND (ADHD) friends I’m so much more relaxed and we all just interrupt each other and go off on crazy tangents but have the best conversations. Apparently our nervous systems are more relaxed around similar people- we don’t have to mask.

Also certain hobbies will attract more ND people. I can see why craft would calm your brain. My wild swimming group - all ADHD seeking dopamine!!

It’s underdiagnosed so we are really playing catch up. Nobody had ADHD when I was growing up apparently.
onky now it’s evident that loads of kids did. They are only being diagnosed when their kids are really. Especially women.

This is so true! I realized a couple of years ago that I do not fit into the modern working world. For years I struggled to understand how everyone else could do the rigid 9-5, meetings etc. I tried for years, always quitting and trying new things, trying to find where I fit. It’s only now that I realized I am not built for that environment and I am much better either out in nature or wfh that I am finally settled in a role. I often say to friends that humans are not built for sitting at desks 9-5 but maybe this is my ND talking.

If your child is ND, it is highly likely that either you, their dad or both of you are ND.

But not everybody of even the majority are ND (see my PP on this). If you’re ND, it’s also highly likely that you get on better with ND people.

You can’t look at a group of 9 people who are all members of the same club and assume that they are representative of society as a whole. You need a much larger sample (1000?) and they need to be demographically representative of the population you are looking at. I’m not sure what demographics would be best here but you would want a balance of males and females and probably educational levels, income and age.

I’ve often seen on here that soon there are going to be more NDs than NTs. It may feel like that but that is never going to the case unless NDs start having far more babies than NTs.

This is strange to see this thread as I have been thinking the same lately. I have a child recently diagnosed with AuDHD and it has slowly been dawning on me lately that I hold many traits of this diagnosis and possibly that has been the source of all my issues over the years (struggled a lot in school with day dreaming and impulsivity, previously struggled to stay in a job as I get bored and impulsively quit, need to wfh as I can’t get myself into an office or go on a work trip, can’t do things like dentist, hairdressers, GP, wiped out after social visits, time blindness, racing thoughts, life long insomnia, life long social anxiety, loads of sensory issues, special interests and ‘quirks’). I take antidepressants and propanolol to try and get through the day.
But I’ve noticed recently all my friends have started saying they have ADHD, and I think surely we can’t all have it? Is this just not normal then if everyone feels like this?

I didnt realise till my own diagnosis how many people I was around that I gravitated towards or gravitated towards me had ND. Birds of a feather and that lol I am in an autism group solely for adults with autism and/or adhd and everyone in the group feels like we almost have a hive mind in a way.

This is so interesting and fits with my thinking about ND people who are able to (just about) function, as opposed to those with severe and debilitating symptoms. I feel like I’ve been masking my whole life and trying to fit in ( with varying degrees of success).

I had a breakdown about 18 months ago and have found that time alone doing my childhood (only child) hobbies around being with animals and in nature are helping massively to keep my mental health on an equilibrium. I feel calmest when I’m riding and caring for my horse or walking my dog alone in the woods.
Also from a farming background, I feel that the recent history of British society, with the Industrial Revolution and the later move to digital and call centre working means that society has been engineered in a way that normalises personalities and behaviour that fit the prevailing working landscape. We need to operate in the modern world to get the resources we need to survive so some of us who don’t do well working to a strict regime or schedule, being in doors or socialising and arse kissing in the required way either sink or mask and try to fit in, to the detriment of our mental health.

Possibly true. As I do not know a single person who has this diagnosis. Both my kids also don’t have a single friend with any diagnoses as well

Why have no NTs joined your group? Surely if the group are all just a quirk of normal then there’d be 50% NT too.
Maybe you’re not as NT as you believe you are

I think the real issue is that nd itself is so diverse and one nd person can find life excruciating and can go through life barely functioning and have the same diagnosis as others who have degrees, careers and live a successful and normal life overcoming hurdles as they arise, this then makes a mockery of people who struggle on a different level and can’t do as much for themselves because others find strategies and manage to mask and meet the expectations of the nt so the assumption is so can all nd people and then support is resented by people who don’t need it but have the same conditions, you see this with work adaptions but while one person may have to try a bit harder to succeed another may need those adaptations to be able to go to work which is what I’m sure people are wanting them to do because there’s resentment towards any who don’t find work when other nd can.

You also have to consider that lots of conditions are co-morbid and can exacerbate other symptoms such as learning difficulties alongside autism, adhd and anxiety all at a severe level will look a lot different and may mean someone cannot work but will not necessarily meet the criteria not to work so will spend most of their lives in and out of jobs they cannot manage while others who also meet the criteria for nd diagnosis but are high functioning are managing successful careers.
It’s an invisible disability though so you can’t see how it affects people differently which is why expectations are the same and usually based on the high functioning level as it’s been proven possible by some.

@Knittingunwittingly I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a post like this.
Increased awareness should lead to more generalised understanding of what does amount to human variation. Then diagnosis should be for those with very clear high support needs who can't function day to day without it.
Every other post on here is someone claiming themselves, partners or children to have ND and/or MH issues, generally as an excuse for behaviour or avoidance.
Thank you!

Yes me too, always start with” I know I’m going to get flamed …”

No one gets diagnosed with ASD just because they don't like parties and are an introvert. To suggest that's the case is absurd and offensive.

And no, just because your little niche group happens to attract ND people doesn't mean that the majority of people are now ND. 20% of the population are thought to be ND which means 80% of people are not.

And if you 'suspect' you and your kid are ND just because you don't like parties then I would 'suggest' that you don't waste your Dr's time requesting an assessment.

Honestly I get so sick of these ignorant. offensive threads.