To not want to take ‘constructive criticism’ from clinically clean DH

Stacking big pots on little pots is stupid. You end up with pots falling out of cupboards, or if a drawer getting the drawer stuck.

Quite. He cleans the house every night-washing up from second dinner, hoovering, wiping down and so on and every morning after breakfast OP leaves it in a state with dirty dishes sitting on the counter right by the dishwasher.

She puts clean spoons and pots in the wrong cupboards.

I can well imagine how frustrating it is to clean a house every evening after work and then come home to a bombsite and your partner who works part time mind you doesn’t want to hear can you please put the spoons away with the other spoons?

This.

(and I'm the ND spouse in this scenario).

My husband is the same..
I say to him " It's my house too and I'm a grown up. If I want to leave a cup on the side, I will. If you have an issue with it then that's your problem "
Most of the time, he'll put the cup in the dishwasher, then tell me he's done it. I don't thank him- I just remind him that I didn't ask him to do that, he took it upon himself to do it and I would have done it later....

Not to mention the fact that the OP is the one actually using the pots from the cupboard and doesn't give a shit how they're arranged.

You need to be very blunt and clear, no ambiguity.

"I am not interested in your feedback. I am not your employee. This is my home too and I will do things in my own way."

I have a ND spouse who can be a bit self absorbed so I do get it. Clarity and consistency, broken record technique. Don't expect him to understand your point of view, just tell him straight and repeat until he gets it.

Weaponised incompetence clearly doesn't apply to the person who is doing all the actual cleaning and tidying 👏

Agreed. And putting things away in the wrong cupboards, stacking big pots on top of small pots for years would all be decried as weaponised incompetence.

I don’t think it is ND or OCD unreasonable or “clinical” to expect dirty dishes put in the dishwasher and not left lying directly above said dishwasher or that the spoons would be put away with the other spoons.

This thread is an absolute joke. If it had been a woman complaining about her husband not loading the dishwasher and leaving dirty pots all over the kitchen the response would be the complete opposite.

You need to be very blunt and clear, no ambiguity.

"I am not interested in your feedback. I am not your employee. This is my home too and I will do things in my own way."

I have a ND spouse who can be a bit self absorbed so I do get it. Clarity and consistency, broken record technique. Don't expect him to understand your point of view, just tell him straight and repeat until he gets it.

Myself and partner share 2 children (8 and 9). We live in a lovely house and share cleaning responsibilities pretty evenly. He works 40+ hours and I work 32. I will do childcare, cooking and on my days off laundry etc. he will help clean up from dinner when home and likes a spotless house which he will do the tweaks to. For example, hoovering, wiping cupboards etc when I’m home.

i would say I’m not unclean but I’m not clinical. The problem is that I suspect that he is on the spectrum and likes things in very particular ways. I do not mind this but recently he has been strongly suggesting that I change my ways of doing things to his preferred method, stating that it is more effective and I am not being as efficient as I could be.

for example in the mornings it’s a bit of a rush. I tend to get up, do breakfasts, hair, feed pet and get out of house. DH will get up, feed himself and leave. I will leave cups etc out on side and when I get back before him, load into dishwasher. He gets frustrated that everything is not completely clean before we leave in the morning because he would do it much more efficient. It’s like this with most things, loading dishwasher, putting items in cupboard etc. to the point that I feel worried doing these things wrong when they’re happening.

i have tried navigating these conversations where I have explained that I am not him so will not do everything the exact same, but he cannot fathom it and is very frustrated that I will not take ‘constructive critism’ as he is trying to better my life. How on earth do I navigate these things?

Are we reading the same posts?
OP works 32 hours to his 40 so of course she has 8hrs per week of household chores to do before they are even. Why should he do half when she only works part time? Plus OP has said he does all the actual cleaning while she does kids, laundry and cooking,

Secondly, leaving dirty cups all day on the countertop when it takes two minutes tops to rinse and put in the dishwasher is indefensible. It’s disgusting. It attracts pests into the house.

Thirdly, putting clean spoons away in the wrong cupboards after living together for at least 9 yrs (you have a 6 and 8 yo together) sounds like weaponised incompetence to me. You know where they go, it takes just as much time and energy to put things away where they are not supposed to go as it does to put them in the usual agreed on place in the kitchen.

If you’re running around like a headless chicken, then it sounds like you’re procrastinating until the last minute and you are not being efficient.

Why cook TWO dinners? That’s the epitome of inefficient. Cook one dinner and save back yours and his to warm up for later.

If you can’t trust that your husband’s advice on how to be a bit more organised and efficient is well intentioned, then what is the point of being in a relationship? Otherwise, you are simply being contrary for the sake of it.

Myself and partner share 2 children (8 and 9). We live in a lovely house and share cleaning responsibilities pretty evenly. He works 40+ hours and I work 32. I will do childcare, cooking and on my days off laundry etc. he will help clean up from dinner when home and likes a spotless house which he will do the tweaks to. For example, hoovering, wiping cupboards etc when I’m home.

i would say I’m not unclean but I’m not clinical. The problem is that I suspect that he is on the spectrum and likes things in very particular ways. I do not mind this but recently he has been strongly suggesting that I change my ways of doing things to his preferred method, stating that it is more effective and I am not being as efficient as I could be.

for example in the mornings it’s a bit of a rush. I tend to get up, do breakfasts, hair, feed pet and get out of house. DH will get up, feed himself and leave. I will leave cups etc out on side and when I get back before him, load into dishwasher. He gets frustrated that everything is not completely clean before we leave in the morning because he would do it much more efficient. It’s like this with most things, loading dishwasher, putting items in cupboard etc. to the point that I feel worried doing these things wrong when they’re happening.

i have tried navigating these conversations where I have explained that I am not him so will not do everything the exact same, but he cannot fathom it and is very frustrated that I will not take ‘constructive critism’ as he is trying to better my life. How on earth do I navigate these things?