I have 2 DD- 4yo and 18month old. Just genuinely curious how families with a SAHM share the load and if my split is fair. Will start by saying DH is a great father and husband so if I ask him to do more I know he would but I don’t want to be unfair.
At the moment my 4yo is at nursery 4 days a week and my 18mo home with me. DH WFH 2 days a week finishing at 5:30pm but on the days he’s in the office we don’t see him until 6.15pm. After helping with bath and bedtime he often stays up until 1-2am working as his job is very demanding.
I do all nursery drop offs and pickups and on his wfh days he sometimes helps get the kids ready in the morning. On days he’s in the office he will unload the dishwasher, wash bottles and feed the dog before he goes. I do 100% of all cooking and cleaning except he will always tidy up after dinner when he gets home and tidies the kitchen/play area before bed. On weekends he sometimes also makes breakfast and lunch but I always do dinner. I do all food shops and admin/mental load. He walks the dog.
We split bedtimes but my 18 month old is a very tricky sleeper and I am the default parent for night wakes for both. If things are particularly bad I will ask him to help but DD often won’t go to him. On weekends I give him a lie in at least once a week but recently I asked him to help more in the mornings and he has been, although I’m not sure if I’m being unfair. I sleep more than him most days although my sleep is broken and his isn’t.
I should also add I have some health problems which mean I sometimes have to ask him to do a bit more in the evenings.