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Original poster

Boyfriend using bulk of his holiday allowance for ‘secret’ holiday with his mate

170 replies

Alicew5 · 26/03/2026 20:22

I’ve been with my boyfriend since early 2025, we had discussed plans for this year in terms of going abroad on holiday etc as we didn’t go away last year. He has 25 days holiday and 6/7 days are being used up for weddings which is fine so in theory he has ample left.

He has revealed to me, after I’ve been on about getting something booked, that ‘before we were serious’ he committed to his friend that he’d go to Asia (Thailand specifically) with him in November this year. This has never been mentioned to me before. The issue? It will use up nearly 3 weeks of his holiday allowance, meaning he won’t have enough to go abroad for at least a week with me.

He said he promised his mate and won’t let him down. His mate is going anyway - he goes there every year, usually solo! My BF said there isn’t a compromise with him going for a lesser duration, as it wouldn’t be cost effective that way and he’d not seen everything there is to see.

AIBU to feel this is selfish? We have been in a relationship for over a year so I feel like he isn’t making me a priority.

OP posts:
Changename12 · 27/03/2026 00:25

If his friend keeps going back to Thailand then I would be suspicious. Yes it is beautiful but so are a lot of other places. You can go to Thailand for less than 3 weeks. I have been there 3 times and always for 2 weeks. I can’t believe that the OP has been in a ‘serious’ relationship for over a year and the promise of him going on holiday with his friend didn’t come up. I don’t think this relationship sounds in any way committed to by the boyfriend. I don’t know why people would continue in a relationship like this.

Cardinalita90 · 27/03/2026 00:20

I think if he values your relationship, the fair thing to do would be reduce the trip to 2 weeks. Otherwise you'll have been dating 2 years without a holiday (which, let's face it, are a good test for a relationship!). If his mate goes every year to Thailand anyway it won't matter to him.

VividPinkTraybake · 26/03/2026 23:56

Farewelltothatid · 26/03/2026 22:56

There possibly are men who go there for reasons other than sex.
But in the absence of any information as to what the friend does go there for on his annual solo trip then I think that assuming it's for the sex is a pretty safe bet.

I don't know why you are questioning me specifically about this because very many people, including some of the pp on this thread , will make the very same assumption.

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No it's not. Read that back "on the strength of no evidence i am going to assume..." Other women are telling you there is more to Thailand than sex but this thread continues to be so unimaginative it can't grasp that

VividPinkTraybake · 26/03/2026 23:53

pikkumyy77 · 26/03/2026 22:12

Deeply weird? Why? After a year of dating my dh definitely preferred traveling with me to traveling with an old mate. If he wanted a fun trip with his sexual partner, that was me. I definitely took precedence over his old mates.

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Well I'd hope that in that situation if he wanted a trip.with his sexual partner it would be you...

It's deeply weird that you use the phrase "normal man." Imagine the face of the friend when it is suggested that a partner come on the holiday they had arranged together.

Manxexile · 26/03/2026 23:49

Cherry8809 · 26/03/2026 20:40

Thailand is absolutely beautiful. I’d say 3 weeks is a good amount of time to spend out there, especially if you’re planning on island hopping.

Why don’t you plan an equally nice trip with your friend(s) and maybe try to book a couple of long weekends away with your partner?

I suspect the OP's partner would not welcome that!

😆

semicircle · 26/03/2026 23:46

Th MMA training scene is the draw to Thailand for my son and several of his friends. They sign up for gyms with great training for an intensive few weeks. Is he into that sort of thing?

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/03/2026 23:41

VividPinkTraybake · 26/03/2026 21:57

It's an absolute state that so many people on here boil a country down to "sex tourism" and call people naive if they don't immediately shame anyone that goes there. Not saying it doesn't happen but people on here are just so myopic.

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Agree.

People I know who go to Thailand regularly are into drugs and full moon party vibes. Some of them go alone because they know people out there and meet up with other hippy/rave types. They like to "get on it" and talk a load of mystic bollocks.

Not my scene, but it's what I associate with Thailand, although I'm perfectly aware that the sex tourism is a big draw out there too.

StationJack · 26/03/2026 23:40

He's not that in to you. Bin him and move on.

Thechaseison71 · 26/03/2026 23:38

RampantIvy · 26/03/2026 23:24

Don't be silly.

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What is silly? The fact someone makes assumptions about someone they don't know due to a tv programme. Well yeah that's pretty silly tbh

Thechaseison71 · 26/03/2026 23:37

socialdilemmawhattodo · 26/03/2026 23:28

Lovely. But are you male? Most single men travelling to Thailand are sex tourists. Are you? If not then your 6 weeks travelling is irrelevant to op. But more interestingly to me as am older female who travels independently how did you find it?

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It's great Go at least twice a year ( along with other countries in the region)

And I wouldn't say " most" solo male tourists are only there for sex tourism.. The young backpackers certainly aren't . From what I see the majority of sex tourists are older men

canisquaeso · 26/03/2026 23:35

My partner’s friend spends about a third of the year in Thailand.

Personally, it’s a dealbreaker for me. Yes, it doesn’t automatically mean anything disgusting is going on, but no. Trust no man going to Thailand alone, to be quite honest.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 26/03/2026 23:28

Thechaseison71 · 26/03/2026 20:51

Really I spent 6 weeks in Thailand over Xmas solo

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Lovely. But are you male? Most single men travelling to Thailand are sex tourists. Are you? If not then your 6 weeks travelling is irrelevant to op. But more interestingly to me as am older female who travels independently how did you find it?

RampantIvy · 26/03/2026 23:24

Thechaseison71 · 26/03/2026 23:21

So you are basing your assumption that all men go there for sex on a tv programme. How long have you actually spent on the ground in Thailand? To see things for yourself?

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Don't be silly.

patooties · 26/03/2026 23:22

He’s made his choice. You make yours

Thechaseison71 · 26/03/2026 23:21

RampantIvy · 26/03/2026 23:20

Oh come on. We all know why men make regular solo trips to Thailand.

You are being rather naive.

There was a series on TV recently called Thailand: The Dark Side of Paradise. It might still be available on iPlayer.

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So you are basing your assumption that all men go there for sex on a tv programme. How long have you actually spent on the ground in Thailand? To see things for yourself?

Eggybreadwithnuts · 26/03/2026 23:20

Get rid...selfish and doesnt care, wont get any better. You deserve more 🌸

RampantIvy · 26/03/2026 23:20

Changingplace · 26/03/2026 20:32

In his shoes he likely didn’t mention it as he sees the relationship as fairly new and wasn’t sure it’d last as long as thing holiday.

He’s allowed to have made previous plans with a mate, Thailand is pretty far and I’ve always stayed three weeks when I’ve been, especially if they’re travelling around.

You sound quite judgy of his mate going on his own, what are you implying?

Oh come on. We all know why men make regular solo trips to Thailand.

You are being rather naive.

There was a series on TV recently called Thailand: The Dark Side of Paradise. It might still be available on iPlayer.

Sensiblesal · 26/03/2026 23:19

Parsleyforme · 26/03/2026 21:32

Of course not everyone goes there for sex tourism, but not everyone is a young man travelling on his own to the same place every year. I know couples and friends who have gone there for normal holidays, but I also used to know a guy who would go every year as he knew he wasn’t attractive and it was easy to find women there who wanted to be his “girlfriend”

I have been to the same place solo two years running. Also planning to go again in a few months.

same as those people who go AI to the same resort every single year

beAsensible1 · 26/03/2026 23:18

DollydaydreamTheThird · 26/03/2026 21:12

I've been to Thailand. I went for a month in my youth. Bangkok is full of live sex shows, ping pong shows etc, lots of strip bars, lady boy bars etc as well as the obvious prostitution. I don't think two lads would be going to sightsee or visit temples somehow. It is a beautiful country and the people are absolutely lovely.

You can go to Thailand and do neither and still have a great time.

Anyahyacinth · 26/03/2026 23:17

If he isn’t excited to spend some time on holiday with you at the lovely beginning exciting stage of a relationship …it doesn’t bode well. It’s that cliche “ he’s just not that into you” (sorry, that’s hard to face)
This would be settling in my mind OP, settling for less and disinterest …is that what you want?

DollydaydreamTheThird · 26/03/2026 23:14

saraclara · 26/03/2026 23:04

If women can go to sightsee and explore the temples, so can men.

Yes there's a sex trade in Thailand, but there's a hell of a lot more to the country than that.

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Obviously I know that having spent the month travelling around! It doesn't negate the fact that most young men go there for one reason only.

TalulahJP · 26/03/2026 23:13

nope. bin.

LBFseBrom · 26/03/2026 23:12

NancyJoan · 26/03/2026 20:34

You’ve only been together a year and a bit, so I do think it’s reasonable. But, a single man going to Thailand every year for weeks at a time is suspicious as hell.

That was my immediate thought but laat time I said something similar on here, everyone was down on me like a ton of bricks.

Sensiblesal · 26/03/2026 23:08

There is more to Thailand than sex tourism, mumsnet loves to make things grubby at every opportunity!

its a good place to party & travel around so I can understand it being 3 weeks like a mini backpack trip.

this is a difficult one, I mean are you still just dating or is it more like living together. Usually that first bit of being together is the cheeky weekends away and then a holiday but if he is being honest I can see why he wouldn’t want to let his mate down.

but its 2026, he isn’t available yo holiday with ao book a girls trip or do some solo trips.

at the end of the day, if you are meant to be forever, you have the rest of your life for couples trips

saraclara · 26/03/2026 23:04

DollydaydreamTheThird · 26/03/2026 21:12

I've been to Thailand. I went for a month in my youth. Bangkok is full of live sex shows, ping pong shows etc, lots of strip bars, lady boy bars etc as well as the obvious prostitution. I don't think two lads would be going to sightsee or visit temples somehow. It is a beautiful country and the people are absolutely lovely.

If women can go to sightsee and explore the temples, so can men.

Yes there's a sex trade in Thailand, but there's a hell of a lot more to the country than that.