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Original poster

To think that menopause talks at work might not be an entirely good thing?

233 replies

Wonderbug81 · 26/03/2026 18:42

We had a talk on menopause today at work. An outside speaker. About 10% of attendees were men (mainly younger) plus a mix of women of all ages.

The speaker went into a lot of detail about how debilitating perimenopause can be and the impact on work. She also talked through the support women can get both internally and through other orgs.

I know I should feel positive about all this but I couldn't help feeling that now people will just wonder whether any woman in their late 30s and above in our company (including me) is forgetting something or is 'off sick' because of their hormones.

I also feel a little uncomfortable that now, a lot more of my colleagues might now assume that if I am perimenopausal, I may have vaginal dryness and low libido among whatever else is wrong with me. Whether you have the symptoms or not it feels overly exposing and I have a couple of team members who would potentially exploit it as a vulnerability.

Please prove me wrong and tell me this is a positive move forward??

OP posts:
Theverylastone · 27/03/2026 11:14

Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 11:11

Why? Why does all the information need to be signposted in the workplace? Do men with erectile dysfunction find out about viagra and penis pumps because they attended a talk at work? Do we know to check for breast lumps because HR have raised awareness? Do we get our cervical scans done in a mobile truck in the carpark at work at lunchtime? Do domestic violence charities come into to do talks at work? Do we get AA in to signpost to the younger workers that they may be overdoing it in the oub after work. No, we dont. Because these are personal, private, medical or social issues which, if they affect the person's ability to do their job, it is handled on a case by case basis between the person, their GP and, if necessary, HR, confidentially.

The problem with this blanket over-sharing approach is that its been invented by the same people that are called upon to cull the workforce when times are tough.

You might be surprised! My former employer (NHS) did have a mobile truck arrive earlier this year for women to have cervical smears taken.

Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 11:14

At worst you are providing an excuse tor these limitations to be weaponised.

THIS

Original poster
Wonderbug81 · 27/03/2026 11:13

GarlicFound · 27/03/2026 11:03

YANBU - but, @Wonderbug81, did they also tell the assembled hordes that half of menopausal women experience a massive surge in libido? I'd love to see their little faces as they absorb the news that women at 'that time of life' are not only forgetful, emotional, aching and boiling hot but also desperate for a shag 😂

Oh, and increasingly less likely to give a shit about colleagues' petty gripes and stupid opinions ...

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No funnily enough they didn't.😁

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 27/03/2026 11:11

@Franpie

As women, we should be striving for 50/50 balance at the top of all industries. How will we get there if the young women in the workplace today are being taught to talk less about their vulnerabilities?

Do you think men have achieved success at work by talking about their vulnerabilities? Thats not how life works.

Original poster
Wonderbug81 · 27/03/2026 11:11

Franpie · 27/03/2026 09:59

I 100% disagree with you OP.

Perimenopause can be debilitating for some women and it is vital that employers recognise this, provide awareness for managers and provide support where needed.

I’m exec level and have had women in the organisations I have worked in really suffer. I had one woman a few years ago really struggle to cope with her mental health and was often found crying in the office. The men on the board wanted us to put her on a performance plan and there were several disparaging comments about menopause. It was disgraceful but luckily I was on the board, so I ignored them and provided support instead.

In another organisation, 1 woman who worked for us had about a year of very serious health complications related to menopause that resulted in a full hysterectomy. It was brutal for her but the HR Director and I had already put a menopause policy in place and we were able to support her and she felt able to share with us want she was going through without fear of losing her job.

At my current organisation we are currently refining our menopause policy. We have had presentations by external advisors for anyone who wants to attend. We also have a service where anyone who needs extra support from the external advisors can receive it confidentially paid for by the company.

In our organisation, we have more female leaders than we do male. We recognise that going through perimenopause or menopause can have no impact, a massive impact or anything in between on a woman’s working life but it is never a reflection of how well she can do her job. This is just a season and we will be there to support her if needed.

The alternative is we would end up losing amazing women as all too often women who are struggling decide to step back, reduce hours, take early retirement, take a less stressful part time role etc.

Yes but isn't the commom demoninator here that there is a caring boss. Not all bosses are like that. Certainly most at my company aren't.

And my other point is around hiring. If someone is perceived to needing more time off because they're a certain age, isn't that likely to lead to more discrimination?

OP posts:
Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 11:11

Why? Why does all the information need to be signposted in the workplace? Do men with erectile dysfunction find out about viagra and penis pumps because they attended a talk at work? Do we know to check for breast lumps because HR have raised awareness? Do we get our cervical scans done in a mobile truck in the carpark at work at lunchtime? Do domestic violence charities come into to do talks at work? Do we get AA in to signpost to the younger workers that they may be overdoing it in the oub after work. No, we dont. Because these are personal, private, medical or social issues which, if they affect the person's ability to do their job, it is handled on a case by case basis between the person, their GP and, if necessary, HR, confidentially.

The problem with this blanket over-sharing approach is that its been invented by the same people that are called upon to cull the workforce when times are tough.

Franpie · 27/03/2026 11:10

Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 10:58

The truth is, the less we talk about our vulnerabilities, the better

This is exactly my experience of 25y working in a male dominated environment. Where I have seen EVERY woman who hit 58 be unceremoniously managed out or forcibly retired. This maye seem great if you work in a nice, progressive, female dominated environment like the PP - and if you do, great, think yourself lucky - but for the majority of professional women in finance, IT, media etc this is not the case, and you have to trust older women when we tell you that this menopause awareness in the workplace thing won't end well.

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That is such a depressing take on it.

As women, we should be striving for 50/50 balance at the top of all industries. How will we get there if the young women in the workplace today are being taught to talk less about their vulnerabilities? How will there ever be any change? This whole “act like a man” bullshit that was pedalled out at the start of my career needs to stop. These men at the height of leadership have SAH wives propping up their working lives.

I have spent my entire career working in male dominated industries. I now work in a female dominated company where the CEO, CFO and COO are all women (of which I am one). but my attitude has never changed. On every board I have sat on I have been very vocal for change.

I sincerely hope that when my DD is at my level, she will be sitting at a gender balanced board table where no one has to hide their vulnerabilities and no one is being managed out due to short term issues that should be easily managed through appropriate support.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/03/2026 11:09

The truth is, the less we talk about our vulnerabilities, the better

I agree with this. Nothing good will ever come of publicly highlighting an inherent vulnerability of a class of the workforce like this.

At best you get a begrudging awareness that certain groups have limitations which may make them less able in their work. At worst you are providing an excuse tor these limitations to be weaponised.

A progressive employer should discreetly take menopause into consideration when managing staff. But this public handwringing and sharing of deeply intimate and embarrassing details with colleagues for whom its not relevant just weakens women’s confidence and standing at work.

BigGra · 27/03/2026 11:09

Large global company had an open invite to a talk on menopause from a health advocate and heavily encouraged men to attend so they ‘ understand’ what women in menopause / perimenopause go through.
Within minutes the conversation was taking over my a man asking advice regarding his wife’s dry vagina.
I, and many others immediately left the meeting.
The whole thing was utter cringe and I was not shy in providing my feedback.

Original poster
Wonderbug81 · 27/03/2026 11:07

101trees · 27/03/2026 09:38

See the issue there again is discrimination, not the fact that you're menopausal age. It's ageism, for whatever reason, male or female, you encounter that for.

We don't suggest the problem with discrimination against people for being gay is the fact that it is an issue which has been talked about. The solution which is offered is not just that they should hide it away and not discuss being gay.

The idea that awareness of menopause symptoms should be suppressed so as not to cause discrimination seems wrong to me. That's not the right problem being fixed.

It should be - this is the reality for some women, how do we change our practices to accommodate it so that we can keep them in the workforce.

It also shouldn't be that you're only employable if you're one of the people who doesn't experience symptoms.

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In theory I agree with you about not surpressing symptoms but in practice... we only have to look at the still ongoing discrimination against women who are pregnant/on mat leave to see that not everyone behaves they way they should.

And isn't the example being discussed both age discrimination and possible menopausal discrimination (or sex discrimination if the assumption is that every woman that age will have issue they can't manage)?

OP posts:
InLoveWithAI · 27/03/2026 11:05

Yep. Hard agree. And I am sick of random women assuming I'm in peri... Had a hospital receptionist be all 'oh blah blah peri, in it together' piss off. You don't know what I am or am not going through!

GarlicFound · 27/03/2026 11:03

Jk987 · 27/03/2026 04:30

Yeah I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss vaginal dryness and libido in a professional situation.

YANBU - but, @Wonderbug81, did they also tell the assembled hordes that half of menopausal women experience a massive surge in libido? I'd love to see their little faces as they absorb the news that women at 'that time of life' are not only forgetful, emotional, aching and boiling hot but also desperate for a shag 😂

Oh, and increasingly less likely to give a shit about colleagues' petty gripes and stupid opinions ...

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 27/03/2026 11:02

I think it’s good because some women really just don’t know, but it absolutely should have been single sex. My mum was always very honest with me and my sister about everything from pregnancy weight, age she had her pregnancies and the differences, periods, menopause but some people don’t have that. Maybe the workplace isn’t the best place, but I think it’s better to have the talk with all the information sign posted.

Tbh if it was during the work day I would guess a lot of the blokes were there to bunk off. I say this as someone who used to attend all sorts of shit to bunk off work for a bit.

Original poster
Wonderbug81 · 27/03/2026 11:02

Tillow4ever · 27/03/2026 09:25

You say you don’t want colleagues to look at you and wonder if you have vaginal dryness etc. Do you look at your colleagues and think that about them? I certainly don’t! So why would anyone be thinking that about you?

I signed up to become a “Menopause Champion” in my business. The team is mostly made of women, but a couple of men also signed up to it! Our aim is to raise awareness of menopause symptoms, signpost people to where they can get support (internal and external) and be a point of contact for people to ask questions etc. We have also ran line manager training sessions to ensure that they feel equipped to support the women in their team going through this… but also people who might be supporting someone at home going through it but suffering badly potentially that it has an impact on their family members too.

The idea is to make it less taboo to talk about it. It’s also to reduce the number of women who’ve up quitting their job because of debilitating symptoms, when actually some reasonable adjustments might have helped them to continue working.

I imagine if you’re finding you’ve got every symptom in the book it must feel like a spotlight is being put right on you. I’ve got some awful symptoms - but not as many as you have said you have. All of our information sessions has made it very clear that most people won’t get every symptom, some won’t get any and that for those that do get symptoms they can be varying degrees of severity.

Overall I think it’s a good thing to raise awareness and not make it some dirty secret no-one talks about. And if we talk about it, it allows women to flourish at work - because the reasonable adjustments will allow them to be at their best.

I’m very proud to work for a company that has been recognised and awarded for being a menopause friendly employer. We are a HUGE global business, so we aren’t talking about a tiny company where it could be pretty easy to tick those boxes!

I totally get where you're coming from and wrote this post to be challenged.

No I don't go around wondering if other people are incontinent, insomniac, insert symptom here because no one is talking about those symptoms in relation other medical conditions. But in this case, the talk specifically mentioned loss of libido (in fact they said the survey suggested 70% of menopausal women had suffered it) so if I start talking about my menopause, some people will probably wonder about these things. There's no need to talk about those kinds of symptoms because they don't impact ability to do work.

Awareness is good on some levels but it also plants the seed that women of a certain age are a potential liability and that could cause issues with hiring.

Meanwhile menopause isn't a protected characterisitic which makes discrimination easier.

OP posts:
Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 11:00

And at least poll the women in your workplace, including the ones that are or have already self managed menopause, and ask them if they want this kind of spotlight shone on them. I definitely, definitely do not.

WhatAPavalova · 27/03/2026 10:59

The talks I have been to also suggest menopause being terrible is normal and don’t ever say it can be manageable / no symptoms in the lead up or after and for some women a welcome relief from periods!
So whilst I know it is to make it clear women can suffer, it is also not everyone’s experience.

Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 10:58

feralballerina · 27/03/2026 10:48

it portrays an image that older women are ill and past it and no longer able to do their jobs properly.

This is my big worry. It facilitates ageism and sexism it doesn't reverse it.

Equality isn't menopause awareness sessions that make everyone assume all 50 plus women are incapable of functioning at work without heaps of accommodations.

It you must do it, maybe have half the session all about how older men struggle to get erections and wake up several times a night to wee or something just for balance

The truth is, the less we talk about our vulnerabilities, the better

This is exactly my experience of 25y working in a male dominated environment. Where I have seen EVERY woman who hit 58 be unceremoniously managed out or forcibly retired. This maye seem great if you work in a nice, progressive, female dominated environment like the PP - and if you do, great, think yourself lucky - but for the majority of professional women in finance, IT, media etc this is not the case, and you have to trust older women when we tell you that this menopause awareness in the workplace thing won't end well.

Original poster
Wonderbug81 · 27/03/2026 10:55

millymollymoomoo · 27/03/2026 09:24

I’ve found the opposite

im 52, quite open at work in terms of challenges of menopause and the impact on me ( brain fog, poor memory, anxiety etc) and discuss with the male boss. They’ve been wholly supportive and empathetic and actually my boss said his wife struggling with the same

ive not found any discrimination. Maybe just lucky

personally I think men and employers should know and understand more and put policies in place that support

Edited

I've got a supportive boss too (because she's also going through it) but if I look at the rest of the leadership team at her level, there's no way they would support their own teams.

OP posts:
StandFirm · 27/03/2026 10:51

Wonderbug81 · 26/03/2026 18:42

We had a talk on menopause today at work. An outside speaker. About 10% of attendees were men (mainly younger) plus a mix of women of all ages.

The speaker went into a lot of detail about how debilitating perimenopause can be and the impact on work. She also talked through the support women can get both internally and through other orgs.

I know I should feel positive about all this but I couldn't help feeling that now people will just wonder whether any woman in their late 30s and above in our company (including me) is forgetting something or is 'off sick' because of their hormones.

I also feel a little uncomfortable that now, a lot more of my colleagues might now assume that if I am perimenopausal, I may have vaginal dryness and low libido among whatever else is wrong with me. Whether you have the symptoms or not it feels overly exposing and I have a couple of team members who would potentially exploit it as a vulnerability.

Please prove me wrong and tell me this is a positive move forward??

Unfortunately you are right... I wish I could say 'great, stigma gone, brave new equal and kind world ahead'. The reality?... Management (male yes, but not just because I've sadly encountered a lot of internalised misogyny in my time) has just found something else to push us aside from ambitious projects and career opportunities. The truth is, the less we talk about our vulnerabilities, the better. And I am dealing with this right now in a very real way.

feralballerina · 27/03/2026 10:48

it portrays an image that older women are ill and past it and no longer able to do their jobs properly.

This is my big worry. It facilitates ageism and sexism it doesn't reverse it.

Equality isn't menopause awareness sessions that make everyone assume all 50 plus women are incapable of functioning at work without heaps of accommodations.

It you must do it, maybe have half the session all about how older men struggle to get erections and wake up several times a night to wee or something just for balance

Blueskiesnotgrey · 27/03/2026 10:48

Lambs to the slaughter ....

Franpie · 27/03/2026 10:44

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 27/03/2026 10:24

I think I just fundamentally don't get this... What did you actually do differently than if it had been a male employee in his 50s bursting into tears at work? Are you saying if it hadn't been menopause-related you'd have just written her off, assuming that she'd be mad for ever, but that because it was menopause-related it was ok?! And how is the second example any different to any other health condition that could be a bit personal? Are you saying that at your work if someone had a bowel issue they would fear asking for adjustments because it would be seen negatively? At your work, do people have to disclose the exact nature of their issue to get the adjustment in the first place - if they say they have a health issue and need a reasonable accommodation do their managers not just work with that? All of this sounds like you didn't need a menopause policy, you need to look at employee support more generally!

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You are missing the point.

The menopause policy isn’t for the company. We have statutory policies that cover any type of discrimination or sickness in line legislation.

The policy is for the staff. It goes above and beyond what is required in law. In the same way our enhanced maternity, paternity and parental leave policies are.

It is there in order to go above and beyond the protections that are already in place under UK employment legislation.

As we hear time and time again, it is sometimes very difficult for woman to get a perimenopause diagnosis from their GP. They can’t always get a sick note. They often can’t get a letter from their GP that explains they can’t leave the house due to flooding. They definitely can’t get a letter from their GP that explains they are missing deadlines due to brain fog! You can’t compare it to having a medical diagnosis for bowel cancer or clinical depression. It is more nuanced than that.

Which is why we pay for women to receive support that they may not be able to get via the NHS.

The only benefit to the company is that we have a very strong female leadership. We hope that these policies allow women to stay in their high pressured roles through their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s.

feralballerina · 27/03/2026 10:43

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 27/03/2026 10:24

I think I just fundamentally don't get this... What did you actually do differently than if it had been a male employee in his 50s bursting into tears at work? Are you saying if it hadn't been menopause-related you'd have just written her off, assuming that she'd be mad for ever, but that because it was menopause-related it was ok?! And how is the second example any different to any other health condition that could be a bit personal? Are you saying that at your work if someone had a bowel issue they would fear asking for adjustments because it would be seen negatively? At your work, do people have to disclose the exact nature of their issue to get the adjustment in the first place - if they say they have a health issue and need a reasonable accommodation do their managers not just work with that? All of this sounds like you didn't need a menopause policy, you need to look at employee support more generally!

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Exactly this.
This didn't need a menopause specific policy it just needed intelligent and sensible management. Like any other debilitating condition

And noone needs "awareness training" that means 30 year old Harry is having to attend a session to learn that 50 year old Linda may struggle with vaginal dryness.

Decent generic workplace training and policies can do all of this.

FastFood · 27/03/2026 10:28

I really don't want to talk about vaginal dryness in the workplace, and I don't really get why it would have any impact on my work, provided I'm not a sex-worker.

101trees · 27/03/2026 10:28

DeftGoldHedgehog · 27/03/2026 10:14

Great to raise awareness, but I don't want to talk about vaginal dryness with random 30 year old men at work.

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Yeah fair enough. Me neither !