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Original poster

Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

215 replies

Rachhh9 · 26/03/2026 16:10

NC’d for this.

Ahhhhh I’m really feeling anxious atm. My own fault I know. I had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a work night out on Friday. Woke up the next morning feeling regret but thinking I’d just forget about it. Now I can’t help feeling so much guilt and that I should tell my long term DP.

Do you think if I just try really hard to forget about it, or fess up? And be clear it meant nothing and I had far too much to drink.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 26/03/2026 17:01

Say nothing.

Original poster
Rachhh9 · 26/03/2026 16:58

Yeah I do need to accept drinking excessively is not a good idea especially when with work and if that colleague in particular is there as recipe for disaster.

OP posts:
Melarus · 26/03/2026 16:57

Starlight1979 · 26/03/2026 16:32

This.

If your DP kissed a female colleague would you want him to tell you or keep it secret?

Show quote history

I'd want him to keep it secret

Newsenmum · 26/03/2026 16:52

So does this other guy like you? Id be worried tbh as you dont just kiss anyone. There must be some attraction there.

feralballerina · 26/03/2026 16:52

Of course you tell him. He should get to choose whether he wishes to stay with you and what boundaries he wants to set

Radiostar0 · 26/03/2026 16:50

It depends what sort of person you are. I can’t lie and I couldn’t live with the guilt. It would end up coming out two weeks later after a fortnight of no sleeping and obvious awkwardness from me which would be a lot worse.

I would fess up, but then I’d also want to know if my DP did that too

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 26/03/2026 16:50

I think there are other, more pressing issues that you need to think about before you tackle this one.

What your motivations were for acting like this being the first one, of course.

There's clearly something going on in your life that led to this, can you figure out what that is?

365RubyRed · 26/03/2026 16:49

How did the evening build up to the drunken kiss? Were you flirting all night? I can't believe you suddenly lunged at him, got him in a headlock and snogged the lips off him, with no premeditation at all.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/03/2026 16:48

ExtraOnions · 26/03/2026 16:42

The guilt will wear off.

I know people on here want “sackcloth and ashes” for and transgression, but sometimes you just need to be a bit pragmatic. Really worth breaking up over this ? I would say not.

Shouldn't her partner get to decide if it's worth it or not?

ExtraOnions · 26/03/2026 16:42

The guilt will wear off.

I know people on here want “sackcloth and ashes” for and transgression, but sometimes you just need to be a bit pragmatic. Really worth breaking up over this ? I would say not.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/03/2026 16:39

I'd want to know if I was him so I could end the relationship. He deserves to know so he can decide if he wants to continue the relationship or not.

BreakingBroken · 26/03/2026 16:37

You can’t “just forget it”, but I’d work on the why this happened and ensure never again.
Give up booze and limit 1-1 opportunities.

5128gap · 26/03/2026 16:36

I think you need to think really hard about what that says about where you're at. Because disrespecting your relationship and partner when you're drunk isn't something that just happens by unhappy accident. Either you were so drunk you were out of control which is a problem, or the alcohol just gave you the courage and impulsively to do something you wanted to do anyway.
You need to think hard about whether it was the second, and if so, why? Why is your relationship not important enough to not betray it? Are you half hearted with it, or done with it? Do you think you'd have a better life single?
Only when you've thought this all through should you consider confessing. Because unfortunately it's unlikely to be a good for the soul, get it off you'd chest situation after which you'll be absolved and have a clean slate. Your partner will probably be VERY upset and have a lot of questions. And 'I was drunk and it just happened' will be unlikely to cut it.

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 26/03/2026 16:35

Starlight1979 · 26/03/2026 16:32

This.

If your DP kissed a female colleague would you want him to tell you or keep it secret?

Show quote history

I'd want them to learn frim
it. Either end our relationship or never be so fucking stupid again.

we all think we'd want to know, but actually the other person learning from it is a far better option.

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 16:34

IMO, there's no such thing as a drunken kiss / grope that "didn't mean anything". Surely it meant that you were so drunk you couldn't control your actions (which doesn't seem plausible given you clearly remember it), or you didn't care enough about your partner in that moment that you thought you could do what you wanted.

I'd want to know if I were your partner.

If it meant nothing... why are you feeling guilty?

(Edited for typo)

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 26/03/2026 16:33

Eightdayz · 26/03/2026 16:27

So many hypocrites when the shoes on the other foot.

Sure. Dont tell him. Enjoy living with the guilt.

I don't care whose foot the shoe is on.

if it's a one off stupid thing then burdening the partner with it helps no one, the idiot needs to learn from it & make some decisions to either leave or not put themselves in that position again.

Starlight1979 · 26/03/2026 16:32

Eightdayz · 26/03/2026 16:27

So many hypocrites when the shoes on the other foot.

Sure. Dont tell him. Enjoy living with the guilt.

This.

If your DP kissed a female colleague would you want him to tell you or keep it secret?

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 26/03/2026 16:31

No, don't tell him, it's not fair on him. Learn from it & either leave him or resolve not to be such an idiot again!

Boomer55 · 26/03/2026 16:30

It was a kiss, not sex. Just get on with life. No one is injured, no-one is dead. 🙄

AgnesX · 26/03/2026 16:28

This is the third post in as many days with posters doing something with someone who's not their partner.

Go right on ahead if you want to cause a fight (at best) or your life to implode (at worst). Seriously, what good do you think it'd do.

Randomlygeneratedname · 26/03/2026 16:27

I think you need to think about why this happened too, I have been in some horrific states when I drank but never snogged anyone else.

Eightdayz · 26/03/2026 16:27

So many hypocrites when the shoes on the other foot.

Sure. Dont tell him. Enjoy living with the guilt.

AStonedRose · 26/03/2026 16:26

It may be a good idea to look at your drinking too, OP, if you're losing control to this extent.

dadtoateen · 26/03/2026 16:25

Flip it round, if he did it to a colleague would you want to know?

Yes, he should be told

AStonedRose · 26/03/2026 16:25

Jesus. Of course you need to tell him. He needs to know his long-term partner's cheating on him.

If you don't tell him, this will eat you up.

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