Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

Unfortunately life is rarely this simple.

If you feel absolutely wretched and will never do it again then I would not tell him, and I would not want to know if I was your partner. You deal with the guilt, and promise yourself that you’ll never do it again, and that if you ever did it again you’d have to tell him and it will likely be the end of your relationship.

Also if you want to stay faithful to your partner from now on then don’t let yourself be in this position (drunk and alone) again with this person or anyone else you feel that kind of chemistry with. Take yourself home when it starts to feel dangerous.

All of the above assumes you 100% want to stay with your partner. If not then stop messing him about and just leave him.

I guess everyone is different. To me, I'd 100% dump my husband if he kissed someone else or had sex with them... your 'red line' and mine are obviously marked different. But I understand your point.

However, in a subsequent comment the OP has said that going forward she would need to be careful about drinking around that particular colleague again... so that to me sounds like she wouldn't be confident it wouldn't happen again unfortunately.

You need to work out why you kissed him

If it was the alcohol stop drinking

How long have you been with your partner? Do you live together?

I wouldn’t tell him he just want to tell him to make you feel better

Don’t say anything. It was meaningless and it all it will do is create problems between you.

Then you need to work on your self-esteem.

You won't find that down the boxer shorts of a younger man.

Do not say a word. Forget it happened.

Do you want them to feel hurt to alleviate your own guilt?

Yes, I would be disgusted if my partner was groping his work colleague and I had no idea what a piece of shit I was living with.

Tell him and let him decide if he's happy to live like this.

Then why not tell him if he wouldn't be that bothered? That doesn't sound very secure, it sounds like 'but just in case he does want to end the relationship, better keep it to myself'.

People have different red lines and yours may be correct for you but it might not be for the next person.

Maybe not worth breaking up over for the OP... But the partner in the dark might have a different view.

Completely agree. Seems a bit of an overreaction all round. Move on.

Yes, perhaps. But that would indicate that the person has a problem and shouldn't be drinking. I'd also want to know if my partner had such a drink problem.

Some people get affected by drink differently than others, reduced inhibitions is classic and not thinking about consequences. The guilt comes later when you realise what you did and the potential consequences.

No, why potentially ruin your relationship for a stupid moment. Just make sure the colleague knows it was a stupid drunken moment and not to try to continue it. Living with the guilt is the punishment and never do it again.

A definite NO

This.

Burdening the partner. Lol sure. Make it all about him in an attempt to ease your guilt.

Relationships are built on trust.

Anyone saying dont tell needs to hang their heads in SHAME

End of.

First post nails it. I would want to know, others want to live in blissful ignorance.

No I wouldn't tell and I wouldn't want my husband to tell me if he did this.

This sounds like it might be a bit more than a one off?

If there are any feelings/chemistry then I think you should tell your DP

My advice would be to not tell - that wouldn’t change regardless of whether it was a man or a woman talking. I also wouldn’t want to know if it was my DP if it was a one off.

But can you imagine the uproar on MN if this was a man posting that he had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a night out? The replies would be VERY different.

He would be called all the names under the sun and have his ass handed to him on a plate. 🙄His partner would be encouraged to LTB.

Honestly the double standards on here beggars belief.

Did he take advantage of you?

I know this is gonna sound paradoxical but I believe my relationship is secure enough that if DH knew I'd drunkenly snogged someone inappropriate as a one-off, out-of-character event, I genuinely don't think he'd be that bothered. He'd probably laugh at me. And I think I would too, if it was the other way round. We've been together years and years, we know each other inside out, I can't imagine that a one-off drunken snog would threaten our relationship. Obviously if he shagged someone that would be crossing a red line.

MN can be very insecure about these sorts of things. If you have one too many at the office drinks and kiss a colleague, that does not have to be marriage or relationship-ending. It doesn't even have to be confessed if you're sufficiently mortified to know that you will never do it again, IMO.

On the other hand, if you liked it and think maybe you would want to do it again, that's a sign you're in trouble!