Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

Well no, double standards would be a man posting his female DP cheated and him getting told to forgive her.

I was going to say don’t tell him, right up until I read this. I thought the fact you were so devastated might be a valid reason to not to foist the burden onto your poor partner. But you are on here making a comparison between the man you kissed and your partner and that says to me that you are dissatisfied, even if subconsciously. I think if you loved your partner as much as you think you do, you wouldn’t have mentioned the difference in their physiques. I absolutely get the bit about being flattered by stuff he said, especially if you were drunk, but not the emphasis you have placed on his appearance.

So you fancy this bloke. Got drunk together and snogged etc? How likely is it to be repeated?

Did anyone else see?

OP take responsibility. You blame being drunk and it didn’t mean anything as if that’s an excuse.

Many many many many women have a drink and don’t go around cheating on their partner.

Own your mistake. Be honest and take responsibility. And seriously consider why you did it to begin with.

Yes, you should tell him, then it's up to him to decide how he deals with the information.

I used to be in the "you ALWAYS have to be honest" camp. However some years ago I read some advice that basically said the person confessing is being extremely selfish. They are taking their own discomfort, guilt & anxiety and making it the other person's problem to deal with.
If you want to stay with your partner and know that you will never be unfaithful again then this is your burden to carry. Don't dump it on your partner and ask them to deal with it by forgiving you.
If you feel that this behaviour is likely to recur then do both of you a favour: break up without giving him the gory details and seek an open relationship with someone who doesn't mind.

Honestly I am shocked by the double standards on MN.

If someone had posted on here that their DP (male) had just confessed to a drunken kiss and grope with a work colleague the advice would be to LTB.

Men that do this are called disgusting cheating pigs yet when its a female its all 'oh its okay, don't tell him, no harm done, no big deal, just forget about it' from the majority of posters.

Its laughable 😅🙄

If you know it was a one off, truly means nothing , isn't causing you to neglect your partner, will not continue etc etc say nothing.
It's not fair and you would only do it to offload your guilt.
As long as I was otherwise happy and my husband loved means treated me well, I genuinely wouldn't want to know if my husband had a silly one off snog (and I've told my sister and friends that too!).
What you should do - have a serious think about your drinking limits. If you value your relationship and respect your husband, that's the thing you should address. And then you have the peace of mind that comes with knowing your decisions are your own and not having drunken moments of madness. I've been there, so no judgement

I’d want to know if my wife did that.

I’d keep quiet

Based on what youve said-
it wasn’t just a kiss, it was also groping.
you’ve been flattered by this man and are attracted to him. That is why this happened.
you know there is an attraction which is why you’ve commented about future outings with them.
even if you opt to lie by admission, you have no guarantee he won’t tell others.
i wouldn’t want to be lied to.
but if you’re not going to tell your partner about your cheating (And it is cheating it’s a series of steps 1) flirting 2) kissing 3) groping ……. At each point you opted to continue) then you need to stay the hell away from this man. Move dept, move job.

No I think you should live with the guilt and not put any pain or upset onto him, the innocent party.

As long as you are sure this person will not say anything and you reconsider your drinking and never do this again.

No, dont hurt him but make sure it doesn't happen again, if you can't control yourself in drink, then maybe re think your drinking !

Absolutely you should tell him. You cheated. He needs to know so he can decide what he wants to do.

No I wouldn't tell him, it will just hurt him unnecessarily. Mark it down as a one off stupid thing to do.

I think it would be sensible to avoid getting drunk with this colleague again. It’s normal to fancy other people and getting drunk massively increases the chance of doing something stupid. Commitment isn’t about only desiring your partner, it’s about making decisions to respect them and honour your relationship.

If you don’t tell him and continue to have sex with him (and if he knew he might decide to leave you) you are obtaining his consent by misleading him.

You should tell your partner. I think everyone deserves to know the full facts of the relationship they’re in and be able to choose whether they want to be with that person based on those things.

How old are you?

How long have you been dating? Do you have a joint mortgage? Children?

No because if you do then he'll have that in the back of his mind anytime you go out for the night, especially work night outs and especially if he knows you have been drinking. It could affect his trust in you.

Different if anyone else knew. So, don't mention it to anyone else, not even your friends, learn from it and be thankful you weren't seen and that there won't be any unexpected repercussions being that it won't go any further between you and the work colleague.
Just put it to the back of your mind.

Tell him, unless you want to be both a liar and a cheat.

I wouldnt tell him if theres no way he'd find out. Advice would be the same if it was a man

What some pp's seem to be missing is that a lot of posts where someone has been cheated on will have different responses because the woman knows her partner cheated, so of course thats LTB territory.

If your partner ever found out and posted im actually very certain he'd be told to leave you (after hes been grilled over whether he did anything to drive you to it obvs)

Totally agree. Plus lots of deceitful people on this thread... it's shit behaviour, of course you own up to it and take the consequences. That's what consequences are.