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AIBU?

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Original poster

Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

187 replies

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:25

My best friend seems to of lost interest in her toddler and I find her behaviour quite unsettling but wanted some input on my thoughts.

She works part time and has her child in nursery on those days, she also has the child in a day extra in on her day off so she can relax at home etc.

She split with her DC's father when DC was a few months old and the dad has the DC every other weekend.

About 6 weeks ago she started seeing a guy and she says it's quite serious now and they both really like each other.

He has me her DC once when she was unable to find childcare, but he didn't stay over and this was when her DC was in bed for the night.

She rarely spends any time with her DC as even on the weekends when the DC isn't with the dad she will leave her DC with her parents (or ask others including myself) so she can have her boyfriend over.

She seems quite short tempered and fed up with DC now and get frustrated easily with her DC.

When I went to drop her DC back to hers the other day she got her DC out of the car and left her DC to just wonder on behind her (her DC has a habit of running off) and considering they live off a road I was abit shocked.

On the days she see's her boyfriend she will keep DC in the house in a playpen playing so she can get herself ready etc before DC gets picked up.

Before we would both do a lot of activities with her DC and my kids (similar age) but that has all stopped now.

I completely understand she has the right to a life etc but it just seems she has lost interest as all she talks about is her new boyfriend.

She has asked if her DC can come away with me, DH and our DC next weekend for Easter and I have declined no it would be too much with 3 young toddlers to look after.

I can't help but feel sorry for her DC as there dosent seem to be stability anymore.

Maybe I am being too harsh?
AIBU?

OP posts:
ColdWeatherWarning · 26/03/2026 16:46

Ace56 · 26/03/2026 15:47

Sounds like she’s checked out of parenting a bit and sees her child as something getting in the way of her new relationship. She needs a wake up call but I’m not sure how you’d go about it without offending her/losing the friendship…

This. It's not depression, some mothers just get caught up in the thrill of romance and suddenly their kids are annoying little burdens - perhaps reminders of past partners they now hate. Chasing and securing a new man is her sole priority.

My mum was the same, and I've heard scores of other stories like this over the years, both on MN and in the news (look how many mums let their shitty new boyfriends abuse/kill the kids).

I don't know what the answer is, though. How can you make this sort of mother care about her kids again? I think once the love is gone, it's gone.

LessDramaMoreLiving · 26/03/2026 16:27

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:40

No I'm not saying she is a bad mother, I'm just wondering if she is maybe struggling with essentially being a single parent.

She asks me ( and others) 2/3 times a week to babysit which I think is getting quite unfair now.

Edited

It’s extremely odd for her to ask you to take her toddler on holiday with you. That’s not normal behaviour. I’d be concerned. She needs talking to.

Using the play pen for space to get ready and extra day in nursery to get things done or just to relax is normal behaviour.

Dollymylove · 26/03/2026 16:03

tooloololoo · 26/03/2026 15:42

Is she depressed

Doubtful, more like cock happy.
Poor child being sidelined for the new fella. She needs to shape up as a mother

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 26/03/2026 15:48

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:45

I don't think she is depressed as such (not mentioned anything) but from what she has said she misses being in a relationship and her identity before she had her child.
She is only 28.

28 isn’t that young, honestly she needs a wake up call. Could his dad get custody?

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/03/2026 15:47

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:45

I don't think she is depressed as such (not mentioned anything) but from what she has said she misses being in a relationship and her identity before she had her child.
She is only 28.

People often don’t come out with saying “I’m depressed”: often they don’t recognise the way they’re feeling as depression - particularly if they haven’t experienced it before. They just show the signs in changes in behaviour and outlook and priorities.

Ace56 · 26/03/2026 15:47

Sounds like she’s checked out of parenting a bit and sees her child as something getting in the way of her new relationship. She needs a wake up call but I’m not sure how you’d go about it without offending her/losing the friendship…

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:45

I don't think she is depressed as such (not mentioned anything) but from what she has said she misses being in a relationship and her identity before she had her child.
She is only 28.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 26/03/2026 15:44

I suspect she’s less uninterested and more likely overwhelmed and struggling as a lone parent living with the reality that (despite a new boyfriend) this isn’t the life she planned when she had a baby in what she thought was a happy, secure relationship taking its next stage into raising a family together. The new boyfriend is an outlet for her feelings. She’s your best friend: talk to her. There are obviously signs here that something isn’t right, and her asking you to take her toddler for a weekend and you feeling you had to decline is a good place to start the conversation about you feeling she’s not the engaged mum and friend you used to spend a lot of time doing things with.

tooloololoo · 26/03/2026 15:42

Is she depressed

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 26/03/2026 15:42

Quite serious after 6 weeks? Jeeze louise. Say bo to babysitting, and give her the wide birth.

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:40

No I'm not saying she is a bad mother, I'm just wondering if she is maybe struggling with essentially being a single parent.

She asks me ( and others) 2/3 times a week to babysit which I think is getting quite unfair now.

OP posts:
PrawnAgain · 26/03/2026 15:38

If she's your best friend I'd hate to see what you'd post about your enemies.
You seem to want a pile on of people to agree she's a bad mother ...

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