Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

I find this v concerning. Maybe she is depressed, toddlers are hard work, it's a mad infatuation with new boyfriend that'll wear off.
Or maybe I watch too much true crime. This has red flags all over it.

She sounds selfish tbh. Toddlers are hard work but if she put her DC first she would at least do 50/50 with his dad.
I know she's your friend but I'd be thinking of talking to the dad. Poor child.

I’m a lone mum and I wouldn’t leave my child alone this much! Doesn’t bode well.

I get where you're coming from.

She's clearly not coping and your unease gives the impression that you think it has the hallmarks of becoming another newsline for another failed child.

Have a confidential word with NSPCC, see if they have any advice x

Unfortunately this is alot more common than people realise. I've known 4 mums that have done this, my own included and 5 dad's too. It's really sad for the kids.

As the previous poster said, this just gets more and more sad the more you tell us OP. If she managed well as a single parent prior to the new man appearing in her life, then I really do feel that the child's father needs to be informed about what is going on, and at least given the opportunity to protect his child from this woman who is only concerned with her own selfish needs and desires. It seems pretty clear to me that she will have this guy moved in before many more weeks have passed, and if he takes against her child, the poor little one could come to serious harm.

Do you feel that you can contact the child's father and put him in the picture OP, and if not, why not?

I’m not usually one for judging parenting especially when it comes to friends, but it sounds like the child is a bit neglected (letting them wander off near a road). At best she is disinterested.

I mean, unless you suspect the child is in danger there’s really nothing you can do other than talk to her which will definitely affect the friendship. There’s no polite way of saying I don’t think you’re being a good mum at the moment.

If she’s got family helping than hopefully the child is at least getting some love and attention from somewhere but I agree it’s shit parenting to prioritise a new relationship over a small child.

It just gets sadder with each update. How long until this 'new stepdad' of 6 weeks moves in, and the poor child is completely unwanted by both of them...

Sorry, no advice but again, thank you for looking out for this kid. I sincerely hope they won't end up abused like I was.

A relationship that moves very quickly may also be a sign of it being unhealthy, love bombing etc and the start of an abusive relationship 😞

What would her response be if you started trying to send pics of the little ones again? Maybe worth a try? And maybe suggest an outing with the kids etc - might take more than one attempt on your side but could be worth persevering with to check in on your friend x

I’d be concerned that her overeagerness with the new BF might lead to her being groomed and the child suffering the consequences.

To be honest, toddlers are HARD. I absolutely adore my 3 year old yet there are times where her attitude/lack of listening/tantrums drive me literally to the edge. And i have to remind myself that its a phase and it will pass (over and over and over again) and it does. Maybe shes in one of these stages and is struggling? That being said expecting every one else to look after your child whilst also refusing first refusal to their dad, who happily would have them more is unfair. Your friend should be seeing her new man on her child free weekend like ever other single parent has too

I struggled like this even with a husband and felt really guilty for hating being a mum and knew that I had to get help so my kid didn’t realise I didn’t like spending time with him. I just found it all so boring and relentless. And the tiredness was a killer. I’d have a word with her. I feel so sorry for the kid. She might even be aware tho, I defo was. So I tried my hardest to not let it show to my kid. It was really hard. And I still worry now that he might have difficulties later in life due to my inadequacies in his early life. But at least he has a very present and wonderful dad.

I think you are right to be concerned by her change in behaviour towards her child. The very sad reality of many child protection cases and serious review cases in child deaths, is often preceded by a new boyfriend entering the picture. I’m not saying for one minute that that is what is happening here, but it’s where my head immediately went.

Solo parenting is such a challenge but it sounded like she was managing this fine previously.

I couldn’t imagine my toddler being away with even my most trusted friend and partner, for a whole weekend, I can’t even fathom it. I wouldn’t want them to go away to a grandparents for longer than a night or two at very most, they are so young and I would just miss them too much and worry how they would be feeling. Maybe that’s just me though.

its a tricky one as saying something could isolate your friend further and push her into the relationship even more. Have you met the new guy yet?

It sounds like it was your friend's fault that the marriage ended, so I think you should if at all possible, speak to the little one's Dad, and put him in the picture. He may well decide to go for custody if he realises what she'd getting up to, and in all honesty, I wouldn't blame him. Poor child.

If we don’t judge, we may as well have no standards at all, and that leads to poor outcomes for children who are the victims of bad parenting.

There seems to be a lot of concern as to how you approach this as a supportive friend but I think it's worth thinking about how she values your friendship. She asks you to babysit multiple times a week knowing you have two young children, is she concerned at all for your wellbeing, knowing your DH works away? I'm sorry OP but she is taking the piss and treating you as a total sap. I have never in my life heard of a woman asking their friend to take their toddler away with them knowing they have made plans already. Just bear this in mind when fretting over letting her down or hurting her feelings.

I get her needing a break, toddlers are awful sometimes and if she is alone dealing with ridiculous bed time routines and constant night wakings and early morning tantrums 5 days a week i sympathise. But as being a parent of a toddler goes, she has a very good set up with parents around and every other weekend off, part time work and a day to herself. She is extremely lucky.

I think you are right to be concerned and I don't know the answer here. Please tell her no and stop babysitting whenever she wants. She can pay for a childminder like most people, she can increase her hours if that works for her. Many FT working parents would rather work long hours than deal with a toddler, they mightn't like to admit it but many find it incredibly difficult at that stage and still go on to be wonderful parents.

She IS a bad mother.

Oh the poor little thing. No stability and hell just get worse and worse. If he tantrums now with no primary caregiver emotionally available he's just going to get worse.

How old Is he?

That’s unfair. Imagine getting every other weekend free and still wanting to send your kid away for Easter. This is not normal. If she was depressed and asked for help I would understand, but she just wants to spend time with her boyfriend.

This - very sad for the DC to be ignored and pushed onto strangers, she obviously prioritise her love life and the DC gets in the way. Some people should not have children if they can't treat them well. You could try speaking to her but it's a very difficult situation, poor little one.

28 isn’t that young at all but being a single parent must be difficult. I think she needs support rather than judgement. I would be concerned but I’d talk to her/her mum or something rather than post about it on here.

If your instinct is telling you something is off in her parenting I would trust that feeling.

It's very odd asking a friend to take your child for easter weekend ! Particularly when she is already using childcare

I am not sure what you can do other than be honest with her or suggest dad gets custody