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Original poster

Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

187 replies

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:25

My best friend seems to of lost interest in her toddler and I find her behaviour quite unsettling but wanted some input on my thoughts.

She works part time and has her child in nursery on those days, she also has the child in a day extra in on her day off so she can relax at home etc.

She split with her DC's father when DC was a few months old and the dad has the DC every other weekend.

About 6 weeks ago she started seeing a guy and she says it's quite serious now and they both really like each other.

He has me her DC once when she was unable to find childcare, but he didn't stay over and this was when her DC was in bed for the night.

She rarely spends any time with her DC as even on the weekends when the DC isn't with the dad she will leave her DC with her parents (or ask others including myself) so she can have her boyfriend over.

She seems quite short tempered and fed up with DC now and get frustrated easily with her DC.

When I went to drop her DC back to hers the other day she got her DC out of the car and left her DC to just wonder on behind her (her DC has a habit of running off) and considering they live off a road I was abit shocked.

On the days she see's her boyfriend she will keep DC in the house in a playpen playing so she can get herself ready etc before DC gets picked up.

Before we would both do a lot of activities with her DC and my kids (similar age) but that has all stopped now.

I completely understand she has the right to a life etc but it just seems she has lost interest as all she talks about is her new boyfriend.

She has asked if her DC can come away with me, DH and our DC next weekend for Easter and I have declined no it would be too much with 3 young toddlers to look after.

I can't help but feel sorry for her DC as there dosent seem to be stability anymore.

Maybe I am being too harsh?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Wildefish · 28/03/2026 17:44

Notthisagainyouidiot · 27/03/2026 22:42

I find this v concerning. Maybe she is depressed, toddlers are hard work, it's a mad infatuation with new boyfriend that'll wear off.
Or maybe I watch too much true crime. This has red flags all over it.

Most depressed people don’t spend their weekends with a new squeeze. She was fine before the boyfriend. I had 3 children when I devoured and started dating. I put my children first.

Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 17:35

ColdWeatherWarning · 28/03/2026 17:29

Unnecessary. Plenty of people have close, long-time friends who they care about deeply, but when they start going down a bad path, you're concerned. That doesn't mean you suddenly hate them.

Show quote history

Unfair?

every single post together paints a picture of a pretty despicable sounding person. I’m curious whether the op can pluck out one positive trait about her best friend.

i also found it interesting the op is very clearly on the side of the ex. The ex who went to court wanting 50/50 supposedly but was only heated EOW by the court - for which there’ll be a reason.

ColdWeatherWarning · 28/03/2026 17:29

Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 16:47

OP?

plus I’m curious if you can name one single positive characteristic of your “best friend” because the entire thread has been a catalogue of all the reasons you don’t like her

Show quote history

Unnecessary. Plenty of people have close, long-time friends who they care about deeply, but when they start going down a bad path, you're concerned. That doesn't mean you suddenly hate them.

Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 16:47

Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 14:51

The father went though court and had the child every other weekend.
He wants 50/50

but the court refused him 50/50 by the look of it. I wonder why

OP?

plus I’m curious if you can name one single positive characteristic of your “best friend” because the entire thread has been a catalogue of all the reasons you don’t like her

Isittimeformynapyet · 28/03/2026 15:53

I don’t know why you’re getting a pile on OP

@Heynow87 She's not really. Have you even seen a pile on on here? Post after post ripping an OP to shreds.

I'd say the vast majority of responses are sharing the OP's concerns.

Isittimeformynapyet · 28/03/2026 15:41

ThejoyofNC · 28/03/2026 12:03

Oh I'm more extreme than you, don't worry. I don't think single parents of young children should date at all, at least until their DC are older teens.

Show quote history

But that's exactly what the pp said:

I don’t even think parents should be dating until kids are teenagers

Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 14:51

The father went though court and had the child every other weekend.
He wants 50/50

but the court refused him 50/50 by the look of it. I wonder why

Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 14:50

ready4gardneing · 28/03/2026 14:09

@Walksspecial
She said she was sending guy friends pics of her belly as a joke or something and her ex found them and got the wrong idea and found it "inappropriate" and they broke up when the baby was a few months old.

The father went though court and had the child every other weekend.

He wants 50/50 but she doesn't want that as she feels "he has won", she hates that he has the child every other weekend and if it was down to her there would be no contact between the father and son.

So he wanted more
but the court decided to only give him EOW?
and you believe the ex’s version over your best friend’s?

In fact, I have read every single one of your posts and there is absolutely Nothing to indicate you like her. In fact, can you think of anything positive to say about her at all?

ZoeCM · 28/03/2026 14:19

PrawnAgain · 26/03/2026 15:38

If she's your best friend I'd hate to see what you'd post about your enemies.
You seem to want a pile on of people to agree she's a bad mother ...

This is the very first reply to a thread about a mother who's so wrapped up in her new boyfriend that she's not even helping her toddler cross the road safely. People are so terrified by the thought of a mother being judged that they've lost all perspective.

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 28/03/2026 14:09

@Walksspecial
She said she was sending guy friends pics of her belly as a joke or something and her ex found them and got the wrong idea and found it "inappropriate" and they broke up when the baby was a few months old.

The father went though court and had the child every other weekend.

He wants 50/50 but she doesn't want that as she feels "he has won", she hates that he has the child every other weekend and if it was down to her there would be no contact between the father and son.

OP posts:
Walksspecial · 28/03/2026 14:02

Her ex is a nice guy and they broke up because he caught her doing something he found was inappropriate, apparently she was talking to other men and sending them sexy pics on social media a few months after the birth.

who told you this version? Does he ever see his child?

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 28/03/2026 14:01

@ThejoyofNC- If I was single I wouldn't want to date until the kids were over 18.

I have just seen so many stories about kids being murdered by their father/mother's new partner.
For me it would be to much of a risk to take.

She text me saying she feels like her old self again and how much of a fun weekend they are having drinking an having a laugh at her house.

OP posts:
Summerhut2025 · 28/03/2026 13:59

ready4gardneing · 27/03/2026 16:09

Her ex is a nice guy and they broke up because he caught her doing something he found was inappropriate, apparently she was talking to other men and sending them sexy pics on social media a few months after the birth.

She says she just wanted to feel good again as the pregnancy had been extremely difficult.

The child is with her parents today and the dad is having the baby until Sunday(his weekend) so her new man can stay from today until Sunday.

She asked if I wanted to meet him as he is staying at hers until Sunday.

I do try and support her as much as I can but sometimes it does feel as if she lives in her own little bubble, everything seems so quick.
She is now on about her DC having a step dad!

Anonymously let the dad know via a fake account on social media, she’s neglecting her son and he should be fighting for more custody.

lazyarse123 · 28/03/2026 13:59

Dollymylove · 26/03/2026 16:03

Doubtful, more like cock happy.
Poor child being sidelined for the new fella. She needs to shape up as a mother

Show quote history

This.

hahabahbag · 28/03/2026 13:57

In all honesty she needs to relinquish custody, court isn’t required, they can change the number of days, schedule etc by mutual consent and alter maintenance accordingly. Does she realise this is possible without going to court? Switching to 50/50 might be a good balance

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 28/03/2026 13:55

@TheAngryPuxie- I think there are plenty of parents who regret having kids, and I think kids can pick up on that and it can cause issues later on in life.

Having children is hard work but also very rewarding. After I had my first I couldn't wait to be pregnant again as I love being a mum so much.

Sadly I think my friend has lost interest and the new guy has taken priority.

OP posts:
Original poster
ready4gardneing · 28/03/2026 13:50

@JustAnotherWhinger- I'm sorry to hear you also had an abusive childhood, bless you .

It would make sense if they both had 50/50 custody as I feel sorry for the boy, he must spend a few nights a week at different households each week now.
He must be confused.

He does have a very close and loving bond with the gran though, I have witnessed how fond he is of her and she is of him and that is reassuring.

Even when my best friend is with her mum, it's her mum who is the one interacting with him, she just walks off and leaves her to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ready4gardneing · 28/03/2026 13:46

She says that she had been a single parent since her son was a few months old and did everything on her own (with minimal help of anyone - this is true).

The father only started having the child every other weekend when he was 15 months old.

She works 2 days a week and the child is on nursery for 3 days.
She says it has been non stop and she has done the hard work herself and she wants to have some "me time" and have a life other than being a mother.

She has a day of in the week.
Every other weekend to herself.

The child hasn't spent a weekend with her for about 6 weeks since the new guy came onto the scene as on the weekends he is due to be with her he is sent to her parents on the Friday and collected on Sunday afternoon.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 28/03/2026 13:14

It's wise for your friend to ask her parents to help more for a few months.

Your friend is pursuing a new relationship and her child is best not mixed up with their outings.

MyJollyPinkDuck · 28/03/2026 13:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheAngryPuxie · 28/03/2026 12:50

I know of two couples in my family who almost seem to regret having their child. One of them has a son who's 10, and while he's well looked after and everything they certsinly don't seem to be embracing parenthood. We often babysat and had him over night quite a bit when he was younger so they could go out with friends drinking, etc and now when we are at their house they don't do much with him. They limit his screen time but virtually ignore him especially if other adults are there so he gets bored. They said the other day that they definitely don't want any more as now he's older they're "finally getting our lives back". The other couple say the same. It's like having children is too much like hard work. I didn't have my first until I was 35 as I met my partner quite late. I thank my lucky stars every day for my two and have loved being a parent. It's the bedt thing I've ever done. I just don't understand when other parents don't feel the same. Parenthood is sometjing thst should be done wholeheartedly or not at all. I feel sorry gor yoyr friend's child. She needs to wake up and realise how lucky she is. Let's hope she soon does.

HazelMember · 28/03/2026 12:31

ready4gardneing · 27/03/2026 21:34

@Dingalingping- this 100%.

She was dealing with parenting fine until the new man came onto the scene.

She did say before she didn't find it hard at all and she would literally make it all look so easy and have me doubting myself when at times I was struggling (but then again she does get a lot of help of her parents).

I was really in awe of how well she did everything as a single parent.

She hasn't spent a weekend with her DC for about 6/7 weeks now since this new guy came on the scene.

The dad would probably have full custody of DC but she won't allow that as then she see's it as "he's won". This is what she told me herself.

I know how hard it is with toddlers as I have a 1 year old and a 3.5 year old.
It is relentless and non stop, I also have no family to help either and so I am pretty much on my own dealing with them until my OH is back on Sundays so compared to me she does have it easy.

We are in the process of moving closer to OH's job so when we move I won't be in a position to help her with babysitting as it will be an hours drive.

Her attitude really does concern me though as before she as all about her child and would always be sending me pics and giving me updates etc.

Now it has all stopped and she is now all about this new man who seems to of taken priority.

Her DC is 19 months old.
I haven't met her new man but she says it's getting very serious.

She hasn't spent a weekend with her DC for about 6/7 weeks now since this new guy came on the scene.

This doesn't make sense. She is saying she has a lack of me time.

ThejoyofNC · 28/03/2026 12:03

raisinglittlepeople12 · 28/03/2026 11:28

Controversial but I actually don’t think ‘she has a right to a life’, if that life is prioritising dating over her child. I don’t even think parents should be dating until kids are teenagers, and even then it should be less of a priority to the children, but that’s just my opinion.

Oh I'm more extreme than you, don't worry. I don't think single parents of young children should date at all, at least until their DC are older teens.

saraclara · 28/03/2026 11:42

Minniliscious · 27/03/2026 09:57

I used to put my son in nursery on my day off as I was so exhausted. I would use that time to do housework and maybe nap. My DC was coming home to a clean home and a rested mummy. I hadn’t checked out at all, I just needed a break once a week.

But did you ask your friend to take your toddler on holiday with them?

raisinglittlepeople12 · 28/03/2026 11:28

Controversial but I actually don’t think ‘she has a right to a life’, if that life is prioritising dating over her child. I don’t even think parents should be dating until kids are teenagers, and even then it should be less of a priority to the children, but that’s just my opinion.