Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

You have nothing to lose OP by having a direct conversation with her. I was a lone parent for many years, the early years were relentless and lonely yes BUT really important to my boundaries. To go through the other side of lonely to become really independent and comfortable in my own company. She has really compromised her boundaries with this new chap and as a consequence trying to push other people’s boundaries too. She needs to step back and have a good look into the new guys past, and start being pragmatic about the shared custody situation. You need to give her the truth here if you really are her friend.

It sounds as though this gives cause for concern going off this post alone. Has your friend a history of problematic drinking or drug abuse? I’d be worried that this is a possibility going off this man’s behaviour, hopefully I’m wrong and jumping to conclusions but I’ve seen situations like this in real life where a lonely vulnerable woman gets into a relationship with a man like this with bad consequences.

I’m also happy to read that her mum can see the ring doorbell footage. I think someone should contact the child’s father about taking his son more often. What might have started as your friend being depressed and lonely has escalated into her putting a clearly unsuitable man before her baby.

And she’s already saying he’s ’step-dad!’. She sounds desperate for attention, desperate for a male to slot into her life and will happily take any prat!

Prats are usually non-working men who prey on single women for a roof over their head and have no interest in the children. They use!

Find out if he’s working or claiming when you next speak with her.

And the OP said that previously her friend was a good Mum, so she hasn’t been completely negative about her. She just sounds concerned, understandably so.

Why are you so fixated on the OP’s friend’s ex? The OP obviously knows him at least a bit at least considering this is about her best friend. She can only go by what she herself knows.

It isn’t really relevant to this thread. There clearly has been a change in the OP’s friend’s behaviour since meeting her new man, which isn’t exactly unusual. The boyfriend’s behaviour sounds very concerning too. These are concerns, whatever the truth about the ex.

Family court doesn’t just take one parent’s word that the other is abusing the child seriously unless there is objective third party ie social services agreement

So the judge allowed EOW despite believing that the ex abused his child?

and you very much think the ex is as pure as the driven snow when the evidence would make most pause… he went to court for 50/50 and he got EOW. That doesn’t generally happen without damn good reason… and the ex saying that he’s abusive without any evidence whatsoever is unlikely to be taken hook line and sinker!

Her child does not hate her or dislike her because he or she is tantruming. They need her. The child do not need you. Maybe in the kindest of ways the backlash to repeatedly asking for child care is " they do not need me they need you". Her new boyfriend does not need her he wants her.....two different things. She may feel the child hates her or dislikes her and you can only find out by asking.

There is nothing that you can do about it. Sadly parents can treat their children like an inconvenient burden if they want to.
I had a friend who’d leave her child with anyone as long as she had cover, that child is a grown woman who doesn’t speak to her mother, neither do I. Stupidly I babysat occasionally too. I didn’t have children ATT l we socialised a lot but still found her cold towards her Daughter.
I had my fun before DC.

Op there that you think so highly of, who went to court to get 50/50…. Why did the judge only grant him EOW?

Sorry, Clare's Law. Friends can do it. I would if I were you. https://www.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/cl/triage/v2/request-information-under-clares-law/

Oh dear. Might be an SS job. Doubt they'll do anything at this early stage but might be good to have this on their radar.

How about putting in a Claire's Law request, see if this guy has a history of abuse? Not sure if concerned friends can do it, her mother probably can

Ok.

So she doesn't want the poor child but she doesn't want the ex to have him because then he'll have won?
She's constantly trying to palm the child off on you and is no longer interested in doing anything together with the kids because all she's interested in is the new bloke.

I'd be stepping away from the friendship tbh as she just sounds selfish and horrible. Poor kid being palmed off on anyone who will have him.

As someone who is dyslexic, although this was an autocorrect mistake, I never correct people’s spelling or grammar.

How selfish, when she doesn't want the child around anyway! She has him the two days he isn't in nursery so letting dad have Saturday/Sunday each week leaving her free to see her fancy man you'd think everyone would be happy 😩

I think you know I was joking.

Wtaf! Ignore anyone being rude to you OP. I’d have all the same worries and being asked to take her child on your family Easter weekend, what!! Because she can’t be bothered and doesn’t want to be with her own child :( This is so, so sad.

Im a single parent with no family nearby and would NEVER ask or expect a friend to do all you’re doing for her.

Your gut is telling you this is very, very wrong. She’s at best neglecting her own child and is resentful of her for being a normal little girl. Having her boyfriend of 6 weeks around her small girl is alarming also.

She sounds a complete selfish idiot honestly and really needs a smack of reality. It’s a shame her parents haven’t stepped in and voiced worries. It’s tricky for you as you don’t want to risk having all contact with the poor child stopped.

She needs to grow the fuck up. I’m sick of reading depression when it’s just neglect so she can go play happy families with her boyfriend and shirk her responsibilities and pretend she’s not got a child. Disgusting really. Depression can’t be turned on or off and also isn’t a good enough excuse for her to not be caring for her own poor little child.

Jesus she’s literally prepared to abuse her child and stop him having a relationship with his dad! Sorry OP but she’s totally toxic, involve social services even if anonymously if you see anymore neglect. Not watching a young child close to a road is really concerning.

My DC and I couldn't spend a full day with each other when they were around 3-4. I'd planned to homeschool until 5 but they went into a nursery which they adored because otherwise I think one of us would've murdered the other!

As they got older we were okay to spend half terms and holidays together but actually we both greatly enjoyed the return to school and routine. We did love our time together after school and during holidays but we just started to get on each others nerves after a while.

It does sound like your friend is desperate to have some time alone with her BF but the rest doesn't sound like bad parenting. If you think she's doing dangerous things like leaving him alone whilst she goes out, contact the nursery and let them know. If you know she has done, ring 999 without question and don't get involved yourself.

I think you know what I meant.

Who or what did you devour?

Or, she could just get a bad mother. There’s plenty of them around.