Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

Err.... what poor little girl?

Thank fuck. He has some sense. Let's hope she takes a while to cool down and reflect, rather than rushing to find another guy.

Despite being a "good result" in some ways
...
What a depressing update

That poor little girl...

Well done for letting the Dad know what's going on OP. Now we just have to hope that he takes action, and gets custody.

Trust your instincts. If god forbid something happens then you’ll want to feel like you did all you could. This has actually really upset me. I don’t understand how people can care so little about their own babies.

I would have no respect for her left and the friendship would be over for me however I understand wanting to stay a bit close so you can keep an eye on the child. I know it’s probably more than you can manage and you certainly have no obligation to do it but if you are able in any way to have him at least you’d know he was safe and being cared for. Not that you should have to think like that at all. I sincerely hope the father gets a lot more involvement. It’s catch 22 really because taking the child is probably best for him but also helps her continue this cycle of shit behaviour. If the bf is a drug dealer it’s probably only a matter of time before drugs are introduced into the whole shit show too.

I'm watching my gorgeous boy sleeping beside me feeling so sorry for this little boy.

As a completely solo parent to a child of a similar age, I am horrified. She sounds like a horrible person aside from this, ie keeping her son away from his dad despite having no valid concerns. I hope the dad gets much, much more contact. I would ditch the friend. Having a man shes known weeks in a house with her baby is abhorrent.

I feel so sorry for that child. Imagine being a vulnerable, poorly, young child and the one person who is supposed to care for and protect you wants to palm you off on anyone who’ll have you.

She should be looking after that poor baby as a priority not focusing on her dodgy new partner.

I absolutely don’t blame you for contacting the father. It’s a welfare issue at this point.

Poor child, having a domineering drug-dealing 'stepdad' of one month. Probably left alone and ignored all weekend, while feeling ill, so mum can get drunk/drugged/shagged.

Absolutely tell people. Whoever you can get hold of. I can only see this situation getting worse.

Affairs, divorce, financial abuse will do that I am afraid, there is no sugarcoating it.

She was even prepared to send her child away with you whilst poorly. One selfish cow!

Your poor children.

I would agree with the posts saying it's overwhelming. My kids were always with my parents when they were small as my ex was not interested in them. It can also feel like they are holding you back when you are a single parent and you have been 'stuck' with them whilst the other half are living their best life.

It has taken 4 years to turn these feels around for me.

Sorry OP, but can you please clarify who the OP's Mum thinks is a drug dealer, is it the ex, or the new guy?

Well done for telling your friend in no uncertain terms what you think of her behaviour, and telling the little boy's Father what is going on, is, in my opinion the right thing to do, as it looks like your 'friend' is unlikely to forgive you for telling her how you really feel about her behaviour, so you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

Maybe mention to her to see if her ex could have the toddler more as if she is being neglected he has a right to custody.

She is definitely seeing her child as a barrier to her and her new fella spending ‘quality’ time drinking and vaping together. My concern would be if she begins to resent and mistreat the child when she perceives him to be preventing this. It’s so sad. I have been there and yes it was important to me to carve out some time to see my now Dh. But it worked around my son not the other way around. Her child should be her priority.

I meant to add previously, that I wouldn’t see the extra day at nursery as an issue at all. Many women need this for their own sanity and that’s understandable. However the issue is your friend becoming dependent on this new man and putting him before her own wellbeing and that of her child’s. Spending time with him isn’t the issue but when it’s taking up all weekend, every weekend and if your friend has an history of problematic relationships then I would be concerned.

How often do you typically meet your friend and in what context? Do you ever take the children somewhere together such as the park or a play centre?

F

I think the extra day in nursery when she isn’t at work is ok ( if this is affordable for her ) so she has a day to herself to relax + catch up on things .
And of course the little one is at his dad’s every other weekend ( for the entire weekend I’m assuming ? ) so that’s only right and fair .
The child safely in a playpen so she can get a shower is something I’ve done because there was no one to mind my youngest .
But as soon as I’d showered I would get them and have them with me in the bedroom while I dried hair and dressed for the day.
But her parents and friends also help too !!!
I hate to say this but it sounds like she has way more time to herself than I ever did as a mum of 3 young children whose husband worked away and I had no relatives who would help ever .