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Original poster

Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

187 replies

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 15:25

My best friend seems to of lost interest in her toddler and I find her behaviour quite unsettling but wanted some input on my thoughts.

She works part time and has her child in nursery on those days, she also has the child in a day extra in on her day off so she can relax at home etc.

She split with her DC's father when DC was a few months old and the dad has the DC every other weekend.

About 6 weeks ago she started seeing a guy and she says it's quite serious now and they both really like each other.

He has me her DC once when she was unable to find childcare, but he didn't stay over and this was when her DC was in bed for the night.

She rarely spends any time with her DC as even on the weekends when the DC isn't with the dad she will leave her DC with her parents (or ask others including myself) so she can have her boyfriend over.

She seems quite short tempered and fed up with DC now and get frustrated easily with her DC.

When I went to drop her DC back to hers the other day she got her DC out of the car and left her DC to just wonder on behind her (her DC has a habit of running off) and considering they live off a road I was abit shocked.

On the days she see's her boyfriend she will keep DC in the house in a playpen playing so she can get herself ready etc before DC gets picked up.

Before we would both do a lot of activities with her DC and my kids (similar age) but that has all stopped now.

I completely understand she has the right to a life etc but it just seems she has lost interest as all she talks about is her new boyfriend.

She has asked if her DC can come away with me, DH and our DC next weekend for Easter and I have declined no it would be too much with 3 young toddlers to look after.

I can't help but feel sorry for her DC as there dosent seem to be stability anymore.

Maybe I am being too harsh?
AIBU?

OP posts:
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BinNightTonight · 16/04/2026 20:10

ready4gardneing · 16/04/2026 14:20

She has asked me to babysit over the weekend and I have agreed - only because I want to see if her son is OK.

By the sounds of it, he is regularly staying over.

She told me the neighbours have been complaining about the noise and is worried about being reported for benefit fraud.

Im glad youre having him, though of course you shouldn't have to. Its so insane how she isnt just letting the father have the little boy extra days! I hope he takes her to mediation/court.

LessDramaMoreLiving · 16/04/2026 16:02

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 16/04/2026 10:17

Ask the middle classers who use full time nurseries when they last spent a full day with their children. It was probably Sunday, then the next one is the coming Saturday.

Show quote history

Fair!

froglet46 · 16/04/2026 15:14

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 16/04/2026 10:17

Ask the middle classers who use full time nurseries when they last spent a full day with their children. It was probably Sunday, then the next one is the coming Saturday.

Show quote history

Maybe because they are working not taking drugs with their gangsta boyfriend who has already admitted he doesn’t like the child.

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 16/04/2026 14:20

She has asked me to babysit over the weekend and I have agreed - only because I want to see if her son is OK.

By the sounds of it, he is regularly staying over.

She told me the neighbours have been complaining about the noise and is worried about being reported for benefit fraud.

OP posts:
VeterinaryCareAssistant · 16/04/2026 10:17

ready4gardneing · 26/03/2026 17:08

She hasn't spent a full day with her child since last Friday.

Before she would tell me how she hated the fact that her DC would be spending time away from her and how she had to remind herself that her DC "lives here with me in our home" but now it's like "I cannot wait for XYZ to take DC, DC literally drives me insane".

She is planning on going away next weekend with her new man and is stuck for a babysitter.

Im standing firm as it's usually utter chaos with all 3 together.

Ask the middle classers who use full time nurseries when they last spent a full day with their children. It was probably Sunday, then the next one is the coming Saturday.

BinNightTonight · 16/04/2026 09:45

SunMoonandChocolate · 16/04/2026 01:23

OMG! I'm sorry to read your latest update OP, it sounds really worrying, as my DD got involved with a guy like this and ended up losing her kids, and her life is now all about drugs and booze. Makes me really sad.

So very sad and sadly, I can see it going this way with OPs friend!

SunMoonandChocolate · 16/04/2026 01:23

OMG! I'm sorry to read your latest update OP, it sounds really worrying, as my DD got involved with a guy like this and ended up losing her kids, and her life is now all about drugs and booze. Makes me really sad.

LessDramaMoreLiving · 15/04/2026 22:50

ready4gardneing · 15/04/2026 22:41

A bit of positive news, she has reduced her son's nursery days from 3 days a week to 2 days.

The father will now have their son once a week In the weekday instead of going to nursery and every other weekend.

It is a start I guess.

She mentioned that the father is keen for even more days in the week and she is thinking about it.

She text me a picture earlier of a dinner she had cooked for them both.
I can't help but think this will end very badly.

She only works 2 days a week ( half a day) and the rest of the week she will barely leave the house (sends me pics & regular updates on what she is doing via WhatsApp).

Im not suggesting she is on drugs for one minute but her whole behaviour has changed and it does make me wonder.

Before she would be out the house every day doing something but now she will literally just be in the house with him.
They don't even go on dates anymore just get drunk in the house (at times with her son there).

Her mum has said she is grateful for my support and our shared concerns.

Edited

I thought they had split-up?

Is it back on again?

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 15/04/2026 22:41

A bit of positive news, she has reduced her son's nursery days from 3 days a week to 2 days.

The father will now have their son once a week In the weekday instead of going to nursery and every other weekend.

It is a start I guess.

She mentioned that the father is keen for even more days in the week and she is thinking about it.

She text me a picture earlier of a dinner she had cooked for them both.
I can't help but think this will end very badly.

She only works 2 days a week ( half a day) and the rest of the week she will barely leave the house (sends me pics & regular updates on what she is doing via WhatsApp).

Im not suggesting she is on drugs for one minute but her whole behaviour has changed and it does make me wonder.

Before she would be out the house every day doing something but now she will literally just be in the house with him.
They don't even go on dates anymore just get drunk in the house (at times with her son there).

Her mum has said she is grateful for my support and our shared concerns.

OP posts:
SunMoonandChocolate · 15/04/2026 19:21

I really do hope that the Father takes action OP, as it would seem clear that the Mother of this poor little boy is going to put everything above him, in favour of her gangsta boyfriend. How old is she to be impressed by dating a gangster, 14? She sounds really pathetic.

froglet46 · 14/04/2026 22:44

It’s alright saying step away but op sounds genuinely concerned about the child and with good reason. I wouldn’t want anything to do with this pathetic excuse for a mother either but I would be very worried about the child involved. If everyone just stops refusing to have him then the chances are he’ll be stuck with his mother and her ‘gangsta’ boyfriend. I feel so sorry for him and really hope this doesn’t turn out to be another one of those horrific stories in the news about a new bf harming their partners child.

Op by all means step back, it isn’t your responsibility. But please don’t forget about the innocent child in all of this. He sounds like he needs people looking out for him more than ever.

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 14/04/2026 21:13

In our area HV stop being involved when the child turns 5.

She asked me if I could babysit this weekend and I declined.
I will be stepping back from the friendship, I just hope her son will be OK.

She's really changed, turned very arrogant.
She told me "XYZ (her man) is a gangster and I'm his girl and if XYZ (ex) keeps fucking with me he will get dealt with".

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 14/04/2026 20:42

I think you need to step away OP. Speak to social services about your concerns for the DC, and speak to the father as well.
Above all DO NOT let her dump her child on you ever again.
No is a complete sentence, as is oft quoted by Mumsnetters

GutsyBee · 14/04/2026 20:21

A very unpleasant and judgemental message... I'd let her be and live your own life.

ColdWeatherWarning · 14/04/2026 19:51

Well, that was a brief 'separation'. Wonder what he wants from her, besides a shag.

(I thought HVs were for babies? What age do they stop being involved?)

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 14/04/2026 18:47

Another sad update.
She is back with the guy, her mum actually called me whilst she was at work.

She picked up her son from nursery and then picked the guy up on the way earlier.
Apparently they both missed each other and he wants to try and give it another go.

Her mum thought by refusing to babysit it would
make her stop and think but it's actually gone the opposite way.

It is disgraceful that she has been seeing this guy 6 weeks and he is already so freely around her son.

I did message the father of the son of a fake account and he was really angry.
He wants to go to the Health Visitor about this.

OP posts:
LessDramaMoreLiving · 14/04/2026 08:54

ready4gardneing · 11/04/2026 22:04

Yes DC was with her the whole bank holiday as she couldn't find childcare.

So the guy came over on Friday as soon as her son went to bed, stayed all of Saturday.

He left Sunday morning after deciding that he wasn't cut out for dating a woman with a toddler.

She is super mad as she was upfront about this at the beginning.
I think he it all became real for him after spending a few days with her and her son.

She says she just feels very lonely.
Im abit concerned as she said she slept with him unprotected a few times and didn't take the morning after pill, she says she defo dosent want another baby any time soon.

Her actions do not say she defo doesn’t want another child anytime soon.

She’s an idiot! And needs to grow the hell-up! She’s highly likely got herself pregnant.

I’m glad he did the decent thing and left rather than stay and resent the child - like the mother seems to be doing at the moment.

froglet46 · 13/04/2026 09:01

At least he had the good grace to bow out early rather than stick around and inevitably start being resentful and probably cruel to the child. Hope she improves her whole attitude and priorities.

brightnails · 12/04/2026 01:00

PrawnAgain · 26/03/2026 15:38

If she's your best friend I'd hate to see what you'd post about your enemies.
You seem to want a pile on of people to agree she's a bad mother ...

friends don’t let friends be bad parents @PrawnAgain🤷🏽‍♀️

Original poster
ready4gardneing · 11/04/2026 22:04

Yes DC was with her the whole bank holiday as she couldn't find childcare.

So the guy came over on Friday as soon as her son went to bed, stayed all of Saturday.

He left Sunday morning after deciding that he wasn't cut out for dating a woman with a toddler.

She is super mad as she was upfront about this at the beginning.
I think he it all became real for him after spending a few days with her and her son.

She says she just feels very lonely.
Im abit concerned as she said she slept with him unprotected a few times and didn't take the morning after pill, she says she defo dosent want another baby any time soon.

OP posts:
LessDramaMoreLiving · 11/04/2026 21:47

ready4gardneing · 11/04/2026 19:18

Update:
The new man has ditched her.

Apparently over the Bank Holiday he was supposed to be staying from Fri- Mon but went home early on Sunday morning as he realised that he didn't want to pursue a relationship with a single mother who has a very young child.

My friend believes he was put off by spending time with her son etc.

She is really down about it as she really believed it would end up as a serious relationship.

Was the DC with them over the bank holiday in the end, or did he go to his Dad’s?

BinNightTonight · 11/04/2026 21:17

I desperately hope this gives her the kick up the arse she needs to be more present for her little boy.

SunMoonandChocolate · 11/04/2026 20:16

Thanks for the update OP! Stupid woman, I hope that her ex decides to go for full custody, as she's obviously not cut out to be a single Mum. Do please let us know if this happens, as I would be relieved to hear that her little one is in safer hands.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/04/2026 20:14

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/04/2026 20:10

Good question!
for some reason I read this and extrapolated the DC was a girl...

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I'd been thinking boy, so I had a quick check....

"I think she is going to ask her parents if they can have him a few days in the week for a few months just for to have some space."

OP has been pretty careful to say DC or child throughout though.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/04/2026 20:10

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/04/2026 20:08

Err.... what poor little girl?

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Good question!
for some reason I read this and extrapolated the DC was a girl...