AIBU to feel no attraction to men after dating at 50?

I was single at 45, while going through the menopause. I had no sex drive and tbh it was great, very freeing. Then I met my DP during lock down. We could take things slowly because of the lock downs. He's a year older than me. We are well suited. Sex isn't our main connection, although it is good. I feel that it's a new stage of life. The men who drink in our circle aren't looking for younger women. Most are very solvent, the rest have their own home and ok pension. It's been nearly ten years post menopause and my sex drive is back, but I don't think that I could have the casual sex that I used to. It wasn't called the change without good reason. It is a time of change and not all negative.

The only time I see attractive older men is when I go to well-off areas such as London, Surrey and parts of Cheshire, otherwise, they're generally bald and broke, with a beer belly. Attractive older women are everywhere though.

He's lovely 😍 he cooked a delicious lamb dish this evening and is just making me a whiskey sour 😋

ALL of the 64 year old men my age or thereabouts want to move in with me because they dont own their own homes. They are generally no hopers.
I dont want any of them.

Agreed

You’ve given a lot of people hope!

It’s not a PC opinion to have but I’m 45 and if I became single tomorrow I would rather be single forever than date men my own age or older. No thanks.

I can imagine. That's DH and my age, it's different if you've known them for years I think as you sort of still see them as the person you met? But if it's the full force of this middle-aged bloke plus tanking peri libido, the total loss of interest makes perfect sense.

Many older women go younger these days.

Must be hormones taking off our blinkers.

Seriously, if something every happens to DH, I never want a man near me again.

I'd love a commune type thing with my female friends until I die.

If “frisson” is the missing element, it could just be menopause? And libido may, or may not, be back in it’s own sweet time. If you really miss it, you could consider HRT which often helps?

When I got divorced in my early 50s 2 years ago I had a flurry of dating hot younger men a la Bridget Jones then met my current partner who is exactly the same age as me on OLD.

He's solvent with his own place and a good job, sporty without being obsessive, into theatre cinema and gigs and an amazing cook to boot.

I agree that 50 year old men can be interesting etc but most of them are looking for women who are 40-ish. 50 year old women largely attract 60+ year old men unfortunately.

And they’re single?

Really good point!!

I've been single 7 yr since I was 45. No OLD, no dates, nothing. I've not met anyone i fancy.
Personally, I think the menopause is a large part of it.

How many of them are single and looking for a relationship with a woman their age though?

Objectively, looking at my friends husbands, if I met them now, and they were Single, I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. My friends love them because they met them years ago and have shared histories. I think I’d rather have a relationship with a woman in her sixties, than a man in his sixties. So I don’t think you are BU at all!

Nothing bad about the guys I've met, they've been generally nice

I think you should count that right there as a win OP, as you can see from this thread that’s not everyone’s experience of online dating.

Maybe you’re just not quite ready for a new relationship yet? 4 years isn’t really that long if you were with someone a long time before that.

I do think in later life, at least for some of us, desire isn’t just ‘there’ the way it was in your 20s, and if sex and intimacy are things you want in your life you have to be a bit more conscious and intentional about the things that allow you to connect with those feelings. Some of it can be physical - pelvic floor exercises might help? A B vitamin supplement? There are various threads on here about reconnecting with your sex drive post-40.

Is it a lack of interest in sex that feels like the issue? Or just a lack of interest in a relationship altogether?

The men I know through work/community are overwhelmingly in professional roles- both private and public sector and are good health.

A couple of accountants, software engineers, medics, retired engineer, retired policeman, 2 skilled construction workers in my immediate family... All earning a decent wedge or have good pensions that they saved into.
All run, swim, cycle, play golf, go to the gym or are just living a generally ok lifestyle. No need of nurses.

When I met my husband he was 50. He was earning a good professional salary and played football, squash and cricket regularly.

Ohh, great. Which area are these single, 50yr old, interesting men in who are in great shape (because they’re not looking for a nurse) and affluent (because they’re not looking for a purse) in? Because I’d love to meet one.

Seriously. DM me with a couple of photos and a brief bio, thanks.

Not at 50, they’re not.

At 50???

Fifty year old men that I know are way more interesting than that.

Yes. Most of my friends who are still with their life long partners say they wouldn’t look for a new one if they lost their partner.
I think men are different. They get more out of being with a woman than she gets. The older women I know who have found someone when they’re older are definitely giving more than they’re getting. But they’re happy with that. I can’t be arsed. Shame as it’s expensive being single but still worth it!

Me neither. I'm not in my 50's but since starting peri I've had no inclination to look for a relationship.

Not just that but I've felt for a while there are very slim pickings as we reach mid life onwards in any case.