SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

Yanbu, she'd soon be whinging if her child had got hurt by the horse (and she'd blame the horse rather than the child or herself). If child can't listen and mum cannot support and/or enforce the boundaries with the horses that you have put in place for the safety of both children and horses then she doesn't get to be around them, not your responsibility to ensure her confidence with horses is saved.

his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses

Your MIL needs to be told in no uncertain term that your horses are not there for the entertainment of the girl and your very unpredictable new horse is not her Therapy Animal !
He is working through his own issues , it isn't fair to land the nieces issues on him too .

How bloody stupid your sister in law is. If her daughters confidence is knocked alls the better, good to learn you can’t just do what you like with random horses thats really on her, she was told, clearly. Anyway, it’s not your responsibility to ensure you only buy horses and ponies suitable for them pratting about with.

I don't know why you haven't banned them long ago tbh.

Horses aren't toys to be played with!

Yanbu, your sil can pay for her to go to a pony club.

FAFO!

Realistically, someone who doesn’t have the sense to stay away from horses that are unsafe will also be that person who insists on feeding them random stuff that they can’t have. And then will be really surprised when they get sick.

Its easier if they stay away.

🤦‍♀️Have they never heard the saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie"? Advice that is best taken both metaphorically and literally!

They deserved to be banned. Absolutely thick as pigshit.
Being kicked or badly trampled is hardly going to "help her confidence" with horses!

They clearly can't be trusted. They are determined not to listen to you and label you a "spoilsport" even after a near miss. I bet if niece did get injured SIL would be very quick to point the finger of blame at you. Words fail me.

Is your nieces name Veruca Salt?

Did you remind them that you had given them clear instructions about what they should do, which they then totally ignored? Numpties.

Its the SIL fault for not giving you notice she was coming / also her fault for putting her daughter in danger. Your husband's got common sense so just keep standing up for yourself against his mum and the others.

I can only imagine how they’d behave if the girl was seriously injured by one of your horses. I’m sure you have liability insurance but you’re right to not want them anywhere near your horses.

Obviously keep a copy of the written warning./ text etc.

If she’d been badly hurt, you may have found yourself liable especially if they denied that they’d been warned.

If you think there’s the slightest chance they’ll ignore you, I’d do two things - first write to them saying how dangerous horse is and that they don’t have any right to access your property and second put a warning notice before and on stable door. That would also protect other (fools).

Honestly, who cares? They can bitch and moan all they like. Your property, your horses, your rules. Don't like it? Fuck off then.

It sounds like your niece needs less confidence with horses rather than more, so what you’re doing in keeping her away should be a perfect solution! They don’t sound like the kind of people that are going to stay away though…

People are weird about horses - because they consider them a “familiar animal” they don’t realise how dangerous they can be.

I work at a school and we have this sometimes. People are idiots. You say a million times not to do something but they don't listen.

We had a woman bitten who complained, despite being told by no less than 3 staff members not to approach a particular horse as he was suffering from an injury, on stall rest and was, understandably, very cranky.

There were signs up, it's on your booking confirmation not to approach any horse without a member of staff. There was a literal exclusion zone painted outside his stable. I had 6 year old children who understood 'don't walk in the yellow box or he will bite you.'

You can't reason with stupid.

My DSis owns/runs a stable. Any person - family or client - would be permanently banned if they did not follow safety instructions.

I’d never let them back. SiL can arrange riding lessons/experiences elsewhere if she feels it is necessary to re-acclimatise her DD to horses… but, essentially, if they disregard instructions at other people’s stables the family would be blacklisted. It puts the horses and humans at risk and the owners at huge litigation risk. Stuff that. Don’t fold!

If only your SIL and MIL cared about your niece as much as you do...

Tell the MIL that as the SIL won't keep her DD safe and puts her at risk you are having to enforce this boundary for the child's safety.

YANBU

It's a bit like with my dog, she is a rescue and would never bite anyone to draw blood, but when we had not long had her if someone went in too quickly, perhaps stroking her when she was asleep on her bed, she might give a nip. Unfortunately some people don't listen.

It sounds like the pair of them got what they deserved. Frankly, if your niece was less confident with horses it would do her good. It would stop her pestering to ride horses beyond her capabilities for a start. Horses are big strong dangerous animals with teeth and hooves and people need to remember this.

I'd ban SIL but not your niece. If she likes horses and is well behaved/listens to you then she should still be allowed to come over. I would, if you can, talk to her directly about what happened to help her not develop a fear of horses.