SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

Send an edited version of your post on here to the sister in law where you said you explained quite clearly that they need to tell you they coming and not to go near the horse and it is their own fault that yet again they've ignored you . You suggest if niece wants to get her confidence back she goes to stables and copy your mother in law in. I'd also add she wouldn't need to get her confidence back if she didn't have a bloody stupid mother . Tell them if they visit again you will bite them.

You have absolutely done the right thing! Sadly there is no cure for stupid

Some people really are just too stupid to comprehend. No doubt it would have been all your fault when something went wrong.

It's quite mean really, a horse can't tell you that you're making it nervous or that it needs some space. It's reliant on people following instructions for everyone's safety.

How's the horse?
🍏🥕

‘MIL, it is not sensible or safe for vulnerable creatures to be around unpredictable, dangerous, untrained animals. You are free to assume that the former are your dd & dgd, & the latter is my horse. Opinions on that may vary. Either way, dsil is banned from my property for the foreseeable future.’

YAObviouslyNBU.

If you like your niece, I would invite her back "to improve her confidence with horses" but not her mother. Just say completely frankly that her mother endangered her daughter's life and your horses' safety. That her lack of respect for your authority in the barn means she is too dangerous to have around your horses so is no longer allowed on the property at all, but her daughter is welcome to come round at X time if she'd like to and you will supervise and help her learn how to behave around such powerful animals. I wouldn't give the mother another chance unless at some point in the future she approaches you and shows that she's realised how stupid and unfair her actions were in a way that you believe.

funny you should say that, but i have had exactly that happen me - a small child homed in on my nervous rescue, cheerfully encouraged by her mum, despite my 'please don't!'s. The only damage done was to my pride as my dog reacted exactly as i expected and bundled off down the road in panic with me desperately clinging on to her.

That level of parental optimism is bad enough with dogs, it boggles my mind anyone would play fast & loose with their dcs safety around a horse.

I don't know why but the Darwin Awards just popped into my head 🤣

I can’t believe your SIL cares so little about her own daughters safety. It’s appalling. OP, you did the right thing.

I would ask your mil why she thinks she can / should give consent for her Gd to be injured, quite possibly very seriously.
Ask her is she also encouraged her gd to walk in front of fast moving cars or stroke barking dogs .

You definitely are not been unreasonable in telling them you are not allowed back .

I worked at a livery yard for many years and we had a few problem horses , we had black and yellow hatching outside their stables, very large DO NOT APPROACH signs on the doors
The amount of people that said aww but s/he gets no attention they just need a cuddle .
Quite a few got bitten !

i’d suggest SIL has ruined her DDs experience of horses, not you, by not listening.

This is what happens when people can't say no to their children. I bet the sister in law was never told no either. 🙄

You were trying to make sure your niece and the horse were safe, it could have been a lot worse so they were lucky.

I think your emotions are high at the moment, I’d leave it a few days and if your SIL hasn’t reached out to you Maybe your DH can text her and clearly explain (again) why you told her what to do when she arrived and she didn’t so until she can follow the rules (and apologise) then she isn’t to be near the horses. Your MIL can just keep her boat out, ignore her.

For fuck's sake, SIL is a candidate for a Darwin award. Riding instructor here, and furious at her on your behalf. It wouldn't have taken much of a difference for that kick or that bite to have given her child a brain injury that she may never recover fully from. SIL is an EXTRA special type of moron if, having witnessed that, she still thinks you're just being mean.

Even Princess Anne, a woman with a lifetime's experience of horses, had quite a serious injury, which could have been much worse.

Grew up on a farm surrounded by animals, including horses, and machinery. Anyone who couldn't follow simple safety instructions was bluntly told to fuck off by DF. No second chance given.

Couldn't have said it better myself. 👏

I'd bet money on your SIL being one of those Mothers who doesn't think anyone else should tell their DC what to do, she chose to ignore your warnings because she doesn't think it's your place to tell her, or your DN, what they can or can't do even though it's on your property. Tell your MIL you warned her explicitly not to go near the horse and if your DN is now upset that's SIL fault.
I'd get some more security measures in Op before your SIL tries to have another go

If i were you I'd would ask her to explain why she doesn't listen to me.

Ok. Well you know your horses best. Your niece might fo better going for riding lessons. The ponies/horses there are usually pretty calm. 😊

Her horses aren't the type who are suitable for this. If MIL and SIL want DN to have nice time with ponies, they need to book her into a suitable riding school, or petting zoo.

I wouldn't have them back! Stupid behaviour when you have told them.

You're doing the right thing which will safeguard your niece, shame her own mother can't do it.

You are so not wrong. I really would sum it up again in writing though to be on the safe side. No: "you are always welcome but" - but rather "you are NOT allowed to visit x,y,z". Put the strong rules in writing, you can always soften later in person IF and as appropriate.

I'm just on a rant now, but "and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT"... FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU MORONS I WILL BE DISTRAUGHT IF YOU, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER....

• FUCK MY HORSE UP
• CAUSE MY HORSE TO ESCAPE
• GET YOURSELF INJURED
• GET YOURSELF A LIFE CHANGING INJURY
• GET MY HORSE INJURED
• GET YOURSELF KILLED
• ALL OF THE ABOVE BUT FOR A CHILD
• WIND MY HORSE UP SO THAT I HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION TO EUTHANISE HIM WHEN HE COULD HAVE COME GOOD
• CAUSE ME THE STRESS AND PAPERWORK AND EXPENSE OF AN INSURANCE CLAIM.

There. Now I feel better,