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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate having people to stay at short notice 🤦‍♀️?

67 replies

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 11:58

we have a friend coming to stay tonight en route to various things, leaving his car, coming and going etc.
it’s not a great week for us at all really but it’s such an effort for me.
I’ve never been a great host, we don’t have a straightforward guest room. I lost our cleaner in Covid and have not found anyone since.
i have people staying as well as the house isn’t at all perfect and I feel judged.

I wish I could be one of those amazing hosts. But I have some health issues which are slowing me down at the moment.

midweek visits - it just sucks I think.

but I should have a home more ready shouldn’t I? I should’nt feel so insecure I know but I massively do.

OP posts:
Janey90 · 26/03/2026 12:27

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 11:58

we have a friend coming to stay tonight en route to various things, leaving his car, coming and going etc.
it’s not a great week for us at all really but it’s such an effort for me.
I’ve never been a great host, we don’t have a straightforward guest room. I lost our cleaner in Covid and have not found anyone since.
i have people staying as well as the house isn’t at all perfect and I feel judged.

I wish I could be one of those amazing hosts. But I have some health issues which are slowing me down at the moment.

midweek visits - it just sucks I think.

but I should have a home more ready shouldn’t I? I should’nt feel so insecure I know but I massively do.

I totally agree with you OP. Even if the house was immaculate the spare room visitor-ready, just having to be "on" all the time, for the duration of the visit, really tires me out.

Blueunicornthistle · 26/03/2026 12:17

I understand wanting to present the house nicely for guests.

But in these circumstances (last minute, mid week, it’s a favour for them) then they take you as they find you. Even a sniff of judgement on their part and I’d be quite clear about why I’d decline any such future requests.

NB: neither my DH or I would accept a request like that without checking with the other.

Jane143 · 26/03/2026 12:16

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 11:58

we have a friend coming to stay tonight en route to various things, leaving his car, coming and going etc.
it’s not a great week for us at all really but it’s such an effort for me.
I’ve never been a great host, we don’t have a straightforward guest room. I lost our cleaner in Covid and have not found anyone since.
i have people staying as well as the house isn’t at all perfect and I feel judged.

I wish I could be one of those amazing hosts. But I have some health issues which are slowing me down at the moment.

midweek visits - it just sucks I think.

but I should have a home more ready shouldn’t I? I should’nt feel so insecure I know but I massively do.

I understand and feel exactly the same way! But I also think people are grateful for somewhere to stay and the mess you see they probably don’t even notice

KimberleyClark · 26/03/2026 12:16

I don’t really long hosting guests full stop. We only have one bathroom (two loos thankfully) and feel bad expecting guests to share a room.

LadyVioletBridgerton · 26/03/2026 12:14

I’ve voted YABU because you could have said no. As I’ve got older, I’ve realised that other people don’t have a problem saying no to me so now I only put myself out if it suits me 🤷‍♀️

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 26/03/2026 12:13

FourSevenTwo · 26/03/2026 12:05

I would not treat them as a guest. They are not invited to spend time with you.

You are doing a favour someone from family, who needs to just have a place to sleep.

Exactly.

Original poster
queenceleste · 26/03/2026 12:12

Thank you, I’m glad I’m not alone
😍

I just think staying with a family midweek just before the holidays, leaving your car etc between other trips and visits. It feels a bit s—t. They are effectively family and are good in so many ways. But I could do without it this week! It’s such an imposition. And I do feel judged. But that’s on me really.

OP posts:
ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 26/03/2026 12:12

They're family staying, it doesn't need to be 'guest ready' when I stay with family/friends I don't give one thought to 'the state of the house' im just grateful to have somewhere to sleep (often a couch) & feel welcome.

likewise when they stay here. If it's short notice. They take me as they find me. A bit of notice I'll put some effort in.

meals are basic, not 'dinner invite' level.

BeeCucumber · 26/03/2026 12:08

As pp, DH can host. I solved the issue of unwanted guests by removing all the beds from my house (apart from mine) when the DC left home. No beds, no bedrooms = no guests.

FourSevenTwo · 26/03/2026 12:05

I would not treat them as a guest. They are not invited to spend time with you.

You are doing a favour someone from family, who needs to just have a place to sleep.

Lomonald · 26/03/2026 12:05

Are you expected to sort out everything?

Lomonald · 26/03/2026 12:04

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 12:01

Well DH was asked and agreed. I was told about it. The guest is effectively family.

Well dh can host them.

Indianajet · 26/03/2026 12:04

People have to take me as they find me - if my house isn't tidy enough for them they won't come again!

Lomonald · 26/03/2026 12:03

You have to learn to say no, I don't like people staying i have a medical issue and having someone staying is inconvenient. If you don't want them staying you will need to say something maybe they can get a premier inn or whatever.

Whoknowsa · 26/03/2026 12:02

Well if DH agreed then he can take on the hosting. I would do nothing and not get involved bar being polite

Original poster
queenceleste · 26/03/2026 12:01

Well DH was asked and agreed. I was told about it. The guest is effectively family.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 26/03/2026 11:59

Then tell them it’s inconvenient. They’ll understand.

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