Page 2 | AIBU to hate having people to stay at short notice 🤦‍♀️?

Original poster

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 13:43

I think I need to get over myself a bit. I definitely have some very deep seated and paralyzing issues of shame that go back to my frankly miserable childhood.
Years of therapy didn’t reach the shame (!)
I do Need to do the basics and then get on. At the moment I am finding it so hard to juggle any stress. I think I’m definitely in a semi crisis mode and this makes me want to run away and book in to a premier inn and HIDE 😆

OP posts:

Nofeckingway · 26/03/2026 13:36

I come from a large extended family and it is so common to be expected to have people to stay . There really weren't any other options .I use to drive my self ragged cleaning and prepping. Years later , I don't do anything but the bare minimum which is just removing some stuff off the spare bed. Or leaving fresh sheets for them to make it up themselves. Maybe some extra bread or milk . Meals are discussed and bought for and often visitors buy take away . Everyone understands after all these years that you take everyone as you find them . Some older ones go to hotels now . Makes for lovely times .
But when I am in a mood about housework I tell everyone they have to help make the house visitor ready .

Lomonald · 26/03/2026 13:16

If it is a brother in law or someone get your Dh to deal with him and say to your husband you are not well enough or up to being social and retreat when you can, it sounds like you have too much going on .

biwr · 26/03/2026 13:11

busyd4y · 26/03/2026 13:11

It's for tonight, I very much doubt they'd be understanding about cancelling hours before hand. I certainly wouldnt be anyway

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travel lodges are cheap enough, they’ll get over it.

Original poster

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 13:11

To be fair to DH, he usually alwsays checks with me but you can’t say no really can you? I know people say you can but we could never say no to this visitor, he’s v close to DH, really almost family

OP posts:

busyd4y · 26/03/2026 13:11

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 26/03/2026 11:59

Then tell them it’s inconvenient. They’ll understand.

It's for tonight, I very much doubt they'd be understanding about cancelling hours before hand. I certainly wouldnt be anyway

biwr · 26/03/2026 13:10

I had a stressful week long visit from a relative recently and vowed never again. Having to “be on” despite trying a more casual approach, drove me insane.
Never again.
I wouldn’t stay over in anyone’s house, that’s what hotels are for!

Original poster

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 13:10

7238SM · 26/03/2026 13:08

I too would be leaving DH to sort them out- cooking, washing up, laundry etc.

If its planned ahead, I can cope with guests for a night or 2, but would hate DH just agreeing without discussing it with me. I equally can't stand people that just 'drop in'. I know this always divides people on MN and yes, in the 1960's it was common, but nowadays it takes 2 seconds to call/text to check its ok to come over.

MIL used to do this, but literally bring along randoms to see our renovations. She brought along her neighbour once under the guise that he wanted to buy the old floor boards. We've never met him and never seen home since. Another time she turned up with people she'd met that day at a fayre! Both times she said to DH and myself in front of the person- 'well aren't you going to show them around the house???' The 3rd time, she showed up with more randoms- DH met them on the drive and told her where to go. No, she checks first, has never brough along another random and we actually invite her over more often.

That is a shocking presumption!

The elders can really take the pi**.

OP posts:

7238SM · 26/03/2026 13:08

I too would be leaving DH to sort them out- cooking, washing up, laundry etc.

If its planned ahead, I can cope with guests for a night or 2, but would hate DH just agreeing without discussing it with me. I equally can't stand people that just 'drop in'. I know this always divides people on MN and yes, in the 1960's it was common, but nowadays it takes 2 seconds to call/text to check its ok to come over.

MIL used to do this, but literally bring along randoms to see our renovations. She brought along her neighbour once under the guise that he wanted to buy the old floor boards. We've never met him and never seen home since. Another time she turned up with people she'd met that day at a fayre! Both times she said to DH and myself in front of the person- 'well aren't you going to show them around the house???' The 3rd time, she showed up with more randoms- DH met them on the drive and told her where to go. No, she checks first, has never brough along another random and we actually invite her over more often.

Original poster

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 13:07

Can I just say how much I genuinely appreciate your replies. I definitely am in a fragile state at the moment. There’s a lot going on with my health, family life etc. I’m trying to sort out a huge legal issue, my beloved dd is being an enormous handful and I just do not feel up to the prep and the feeling of my home being judged even ever so slightly (!).
I am in a very thin skinned place and am close to tears a lot of the time. Hearing him brag about their very glamorous holiday plans is not comfortable at the moment. It would help if he wasn’t a bit of a tw*t.

thank you all though ! I feel heard and therefore better! 🙏🙏🙏

OP posts:

Changename12 · 26/03/2026 13:05

If they are coming and going then they are really just using your home as a hotel. Nobody I know would do this. If your husband has said yes without consulting you then he can do all the work. My husband and I always ask each other before anyone stays.

gamerchick · 26/03/2026 13:05

Your husband has agreed to host. Tell him it's his job to sort out a bed.

Owly11 · 26/03/2026 13:02

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 12:01

Well DH was asked and agreed. I was told about it. The guest is effectively family.

Well you don't need to do a thing then - it's for your dh to do all the cleaning cooking and washing bedding etc. I personally would put my foot down hard at someone agreeing to a guest staying over without being consulted first. It's good manners to check with everyone in the household before saying yes (not including children of course). As for a mid week guest, it would generally be a hard no unless they are very close or there is a very good reason for it.

aBuffetofunreasonableness · 26/03/2026 13:00

He's your husbands guest, leave them to it.

I don't have anyone in my house longer than an hour, certainly don't host meals or allow overnight guests!

LessDramaMoreLiving · 26/03/2026 12:54

BeeCucumber · 26/03/2026 12:08

As pp, DH can host. I solved the issue of unwanted guests by removing all the beds from my house (apart from mine) when the DC left home. No beds, no bedrooms = no guests.

Love it!

LessDramaMoreLiving · 26/03/2026 12:54

Indianajet · 26/03/2026 12:04

People have to take me as they find me - if my house isn't tidy enough for them they won't come again!

I so wish I was like this.

I absolutely hate having visitors, I’m fine when they are here, it’s just a massive effort for me to get ready for their arrival. I’d rather no one come - ever!

LessDramaMoreLiving · 26/03/2026 12:52

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 11:58

we have a friend coming to stay tonight en route to various things, leaving his car, coming and going etc.
it’s not a great week for us at all really but it’s such an effort for me.
I’ve never been a great host, we don’t have a straightforward guest room. I lost our cleaner in Covid and have not found anyone since.
i have people staying as well as the house isn’t at all perfect and I feel judged.

I wish I could be one of those amazing hosts. But I have some health issues which are slowing me down at the moment.

midweek visits - it just sucks I think.

but I should have a home more ready shouldn’t I? I should’nt feel so insecure I know but I massively do.

I’m totally with you on this.

Anewerforest · 26/03/2026 12:48

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 12:12

Thank you, I’m glad I’m not alone
😍

I just think staying with a family midweek just before the holidays, leaving your car etc between other trips and visits. It feels a bit s—t. They are effectively family and are good in so many ways. But I could do without it this week! It’s such an imposition. And I do feel judged. But that’s on me really.

It's quite reasonable to refuse. I have had to refuse most guests the last few months and it's ok so long as you're clear that the problem is your health, exhaustion threshold and general busyness, rather than not liking the person.

canuckup · 26/03/2026 12:47

Just say no

Unless DH is literally doing every single prep, hosting and clean up task

JehovasFitness · 26/03/2026 12:45

I wouldn’t be refusing to put up a family member for the night. They’re family.

I also wouldn’t be judging the house of a family member who has offered to put me up.

Lomonald · 26/03/2026 12:45

queenceleste · 26/03/2026 12:12

Thank you, I’m glad I’m not alone
😍

I just think staying with a family midweek just before the holidays, leaving your car etc between other trips and visits. It feels a bit s—t. They are effectively family and are good in so many ways. But I could do without it this week! It’s such an imposition. And I do feel judged. But that’s on me really.

But they asked if it was OK your husband said yes, I don't understand the midweek thing but it seems difficult for you, just let them come and go but for next time you have to discuss things with your husband.

GinaandGin · 26/03/2026 12:42

I CANNOT stand other people in my space
I would be livid with DH

Janey90 · 26/03/2026 12:40

In our case, its always DH's family who invite themselves. I know i should say that if DH is happy to put up with that, then it should be DH who does the work/hosting - but its hard.

DaisyChain505 · 26/03/2026 12:34

I have never and will never have guests to stay in the house. It’s not worth the stress is caused me.

Plenty of hotels around to pick from.

KimberleyClark · 26/03/2026 12:28

KimberleyClark · 26/03/2026 12:16

I don’t really long hosting guests full stop. We only have one bathroom (two loos thankfully) and feel bad expecting guests to share a room.

*bathroom