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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

168 replies

H930 · 26/03/2026 08:25

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

OP posts:
FrodisCapering · 26/03/2026 14:16

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Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 14:11

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KLD89 · 26/03/2026 14:06

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AgnesMcDoo · 26/03/2026 14:00

Casperroonie · 26/03/2026 12:35

Yeh who cares, it's only a child and their teeth. Dentures by age 10 are a great look if you ask me...

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Another pearl clutcher dripping with hyperbole 🤣

Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 13:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OneNewLeader · 26/03/2026 13:45

Sustainbrain · 26/03/2026 08:30

I think this is appalling.

Really puts the situation in the Middle East into perspective.

moonstarsuns · 26/03/2026 13:41

Let us know what teacher says

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 26/03/2026 13:40

Just wait 'til they try ketamine at uni, OP.

MrMucker · 26/03/2026 13:33

On this occasion I'd contact the Headteacher straight away (hear me out!) and say you were concerned that it is normal practise in the school to use sweets this way, and could they please mention it in their whole staff briefing.
This bypasses anybody being made to feel bad about it, and it makes it a directive to the teacher in question to change their reward system.

RaraRachael · 26/03/2026 13:32

On Friday afternoon we used to have Table of the week and those kids got one Haribo sweet each.

Nobody complained and the kids loved it.

PurBal · 26/03/2026 13:28

DrJump · 26/03/2026 08:42

One time a teacher gave all the parents information about what to pack in a healthy lunch box. She also gave the children a small bag of lollies for being good! So bloody irritating.

The healthy lunch guidelines at DC school is pretty strict - crisps, chocolate bars, fruit wind ups, sausages rolls, juice - all prohibited. But the free school meals DS is entitled to literally include sausage rolls and pizza for main, chocolate cookies, doughnuts and ice cream for pudding and, if you choose the “lunchbox” option, crisps. So many levels of stupid.

I wouldn’t be happy either OP. Have you got a patent rep you could approach anonymously?

WhatAPavalova · 26/03/2026 13:23

Helpfeelsoterrible had a lovely phrasing, maybe I should have used that!

Mine was brief but in retrospect maybe blunt written feedback “please stop giving them sweets in school”

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 26/03/2026 13:22

You’re not overreacting at all. My kids have sweets and biscuits but not constantly every day.

I also agree with your point that the more rubbish they eat at school the more pressure on you to give loads of healthy stuff!! For mine at club they get biscuits and quite a veg free tea! So it means the meals I do have to be extra healthy to compensate and I become the boring one! 😂

WhatAPavalova · 26/03/2026 13:19

Happening here in state school also.

As far as I know I’m the only one who has said anything and the teacher made a point of cornering me by the door at pickup to tell me it is to help their “intrinsic” motivation. She seemed annoyed.

Intrinsic is obviously the opposite, sweets are extrinsic motivation. I don’t know if she was trying to justify it and mixed words in the moment/ I suspect she doesn’t understand the meaning. The school is good and my children were/are happy there. So I decided not to argue and since then hear other positive comments from parents so seems I’m the minority!

Lemonfrost · 26/03/2026 13:14

Sustainbrain · 26/03/2026 08:30

I think this is appalling.

It really isn't.

fruitfly3 · 26/03/2026 13:12

Not good at all from the teacher. I’m 10 years, 2 children in for anyone coming to say I’m being PFB. I would absolutely not want them being rewarded with sweets by a teacher - terrible idea (both from a teeth and using food as a reward perspective). Raise it with the head directly, anonymously if you need to.

Historian0111101000 · 26/03/2026 13:09

KLD89 · 26/03/2026 12:35

This is the perfect response!!! Hope OP sees this…

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I don’t agree. This isn’t just a small issue—it affects OP’s child and impact others. I would encourage the teacher to stop giving sweets altogether. If it doesn’t stop, I would take it further and speak with management. Paying a large amount of money for someone to create unhealthy habits in children is ridiculous.Being worried about “being rude to the teacher” versus protecting a child’s health—how is that even a question?Suggesting to give sticker to only one child would create more issues. Just stop it all together.

ThisSunnyBee · 26/03/2026 13:09

HoskinsChoice · 26/03/2026 08:34

You want your son to be the only child to not get rewards? Poor kid. Let schools school. As long you're parenting, (i.e. brushing his teeth), he'll be fine. Count yourself VERY lucky that you the have time and the headspace to worry about something so minor.

🙄

BlueOrangeDreams · 26/03/2026 13:08

I would be really unhappy too. I'd suggest stickers. Sweet should be an occasion thing - my son's school sometimes has ice lollies as a treat but it's once or twice a term for the whole year group.

A lot of sweets aren't vegetarian or have dairy so is she checking this? I had to actively hunt for vegan sweets when I needed some for a group of children where I knew some don't eat pork etc for religious reasons.

ForPinkDuck · 26/03/2026 13:08

Not good shes conditioning them. Is it just her or all the teachers.

Shatandfattered · 26/03/2026 13:06

Plot twist, it's all organic natural fruit bark dots 😂😊

NewGoldFox · 26/03/2026 13:03

When I first read the title of your post I thought oh give over but actually the type of sweets and having them throughout the day I would also be concerned regarding his dental health. Definitely worth feeding back your concerns.

DontEatTheMushies · 26/03/2026 13:01

HoskinsChoice · 26/03/2026 08:34

You want your son to be the only child to not get rewards? Poor kid. Let schools school. As long you're parenting, (i.e. brushing his teeth), he'll be fine. Count yourself VERY lucky that you the have time and the headspace to worry about something so minor.

Food should not be used as a reward!

Historian0111101000 · 26/03/2026 13:00

HoskinsChoice · 26/03/2026 08:34

You want your son to be the only child to not get rewards? Poor kid. Let schools school. As long you're parenting, (i.e. brushing his teeth), he'll be fine. Count yourself VERY lucky that you the have time and the headspace to worry about something so minor.

Using sweets as a reward? Absolutely not. There are plenty of effective alternatives—like stickers or classroom privileges—and a good teacher should be using those instead. Sweets shouldn’t be part of the equation.

Rewarding kids with sweets isn’t harmless—it’s a bad habit. It teaches them to associate sugar with success and comfort, which often leads to unhealthy eating patterns and eating disorder later on.

I am very surprised that a teacher gets away with this- especially in a private school.

Lookingdownthebarrell · 26/03/2026 13:00

Erm please tell the school not to reward in sweets. The mass information about the obesity problem in the country seem to have missed this school! They really are being quite negligent and detrimental to the kids.

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