Page 3 | What is child maintenance for?

fireworksandflowers · 2026-03-25T21:17:27+00:00

AIBU to use the money I receive from children’s father to pay towards my bills? Like rent, gas, electricity? As well as their general expenses like uniforms, clothing , haircuts etc

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 25/03/2026 22:24

Why are you even engaging with him about it? You don’t have to justify yourself to him.

BudgetBuster · 25/03/2026 22:21

fireworksandflowers · 25/03/2026 22:15

Yes, I think this is worded how I needed it to be. I couldn’t articulate why I shouldn’t have to be as “broke” as he claims to be. Although the payment I receive isn’t through the cms officially, it is what their calculator says he should be paying.

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You dont have to be broke.
You and you kid(s) deserve to live a normal life. Both parents should contribute as equally as possible! Your ex pays CMS toward the upkeep of his kid(s) while he's not around and tbh it's never usually enough anyway (and I say this as someone whose husband spent yrs laying maintenance).

Original poster

fireworksandflowers · 25/03/2026 22:15

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/03/2026 21:59

It’s for all the things you mentioned - rent, gas, bills, food, clothing, clubs - anything that goes towards maintaining the child.

What some “fathers” can’t wrap their heads around is that you don’t have to have exhausted all of your money on the kid before you start claiming maintenance. In other words, you can spend some of your own money (and everyone has some of their own money) on yourself with a clear conscience and still expect your children’s other parent to contribute towards the child’s costs in the form of maintenance. Your money doesn’t have to all go on your child first.

Yes, I think this is worded how I needed it to be. I couldn’t articulate why I shouldn’t have to be as “broke” as he claims to be. Although the payment I receive isn’t through the cms officially, it is what their calculator says he should be paying.

OP posts:

Bearnese · 25/03/2026 22:14

So there was a thread about a woman who was splitting childcare 50/50 with her husband and she deserved no maintenance because she wasn’t looking after the children for any more time than he was. Whereas if she looked after them more than she did he ought to pay up (and vice versa). It’s to cover your costs for the unequal time split.

BudgetBuster · 25/03/2026 22:09

fireworksandflowers · 25/03/2026 21:43

I’m being questioned by my ex, why he should be paying his bills and contributing to mine. I’m just making sure I’m not wrong in using ‘his’ money this way.

He doesn't get to know what you spend YOUR money on. CMS is based on income and custody divide.

Nowhere does it say you need to give him an itemised list of what you sent money on.

Just ignore him.

grumpygrape · 25/03/2026 22:09

How does he 'know' what you spend the money he pays for his children on?
I presume his payments aren't your sole source of income so how you spend your Child Benefit, wages/Universal Credit, savings, CMS, is no business of his unless your/his children go unclothed or unfed when in your care.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/03/2026 22:00

fireworksandflowers · 25/03/2026 21:43

I’m being questioned by my ex, why he should be paying his bills and contributing to mine. I’m just making sure I’m not wrong in using ‘his’ money this way.

He’s not contributing to yours though - his contributing to housing, feeding clothing etc your child in a way that’s proportionate to how much time each of you has care of said child.

PersonIrresponsible · 25/03/2026 21:59

As an adult and parent, it is your responsibility to spend your income as necessary to keep your child fed, clothed and heated. Hell, you can also treat them to fun stuff too.

The other parent is not your parent. Best you remind him he's paying because he's not doing the brunt of the child-rearing.

And let him and his opinion whine to someone else

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/03/2026 21:59

It’s for all the things you mentioned - rent, gas, bills, food, clothing, clubs - anything that goes towards maintaining the child.

What some “fathers” can’t wrap their heads around is that you don’t have to have exhausted all of your money on the kid before you start claiming maintenance. In other words, you can spend some of your own money (and everyone has some of their own money) on yourself with a clear conscience and still expect your children’s other parent to contribute towards the child’s costs in the form of maintenance. Your money doesn’t have to all go on your child first.

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/03/2026 21:56

DanceMumTaxi · 25/03/2026 21:50

Of course it’s fine. The money is to support your children and that includes housing and feeding them.

This. What a prince this man is, to think he shouldn't need to contribute to housing and feeding his kids properly.

DanceMumTaxi · 25/03/2026 21:50

Of course it’s fine. The money is to support your children and that includes housing and feeding them.

BinNightTonight · 25/03/2026 21:47

Its not his money, its yours and your child's money, use it how you see fit.

I use my CMS on whatever, I dont keep track on what money i spend on what.

Original poster

fireworksandflowers · 25/03/2026 21:43

I’m being questioned by my ex, why he should be paying his bills and contributing to mine. I’m just making sure I’m not wrong in using ‘his’ money this way.

OP posts:

Lmnop22 · 25/03/2026 21:34

ThejoyofNC · 25/03/2026 21:24

What else would you spend it on? It's not for buying Barbie dolls is it.

This is unnecessarily harsh!

OP, it’s for everything your child needs which includes the increased rent for a house with more bedrooms, increased cost of electricity and gas and water for what they use and increased food expenses. Please use it for whatever you want and, as long as that’s not gambling and vodka, it’s all good!

ItsStillWork · 25/03/2026 21:33

It’s for your nails and eyelashes to be done.

well that’s what most paying fathers think mothers spend “their” money on 🙄

BudgetBuster · 25/03/2026 21:30

Yes, it's a contribution to a child's living expenses whilst with the residential parent. That can include: Food, rent, bills, clothing, days out, schooling, extracurriculars and childcare (although sometimes these are extra).

Nicknacky · 25/03/2026 21:26

What did you think you could use it for?

ThejoyofNC · 25/03/2026 21:24

What else would you spend it on? It's not for buying Barbie dolls is it.

WhoStoleAllTheUserNames · 25/03/2026 21:22

Unless the children are living on the street eating air, then yes maintenance should include the non resident parent’s contribution to the costs of housing, food, utilities, childcare etc.

Flickitspinittwistitbopit · 25/03/2026 21:18

If you think you need to pay bills to maintain a child then no? (Hint: you do)