What is child maintenance for?

It goes into a big pot.

And yet you say the relationship didn’t work out? Mysterious.

I should say though, the £50 a week I get per child is pathetic in relation to what I spend on them, and he earns more than me. Teens are way more expensive than younger children (leaving aside childcare) And yes I know thats loads more than some get but thats not remotely relevant...it irks me that he pays one fixed payment and then can forget it, not have to suddenly find x for a trip, a broken piece of tech, kit, sports match travel etc.

Nothing at all..except an 'official' record of when the claim was made so if he were to stop paying or not be transparent about his earnings it could be chased up, in theory at least. My ex uses the calculator and also sends me a copy of his payslip once a year ..if he refused to do that I'd use them to be sure he was paying correctly.

child maintenance is towards the care of a child by keeping a roof over their head, feeding them, clothing them and anything else they need. so down to the parent with care to decide how it is spent

He is paying the government bare minimum amount. Don’t engage with him at all over what money is spent on as it’s none of his business. CMS might be a good idea. Also you deserve to have downtime with your children. It is not reasonable that you don’t get to ever have them at weekends. If he doesn’t agree then you need to go to court to ensure you get reasonable contact time with your children.

I am confused about CMS Direct Pay. What is the difference between that and just arranging between you using the CMS calculator as a guide?

I also would go through CMS. It just takes any discussion away, you dont need to discuss money at all then. It takes a while, so best to do it now in case he stops paying at some point. I dont see why collect and pay would be needed (unless in the future he is unwilling to pay) direct pay should be fine for now, meaning neither of you pay any extra.

I would stop engaging him on the level that you are. You don't need to attend every converstation that he invites you to.

Keep your responses short and business like, you are now in the business of parenting a child. He doesn't get to keep his hooks into you and use his financial contribution as a lever to crank to control you.

Go via CMS, do it sooner rather than later. It makes it less personal and would likely help in this situation. You don't have to ask him, or tell him, just do it and let them sort it out.

You owe him zero explanations about the finances of your household and vice versa. Put him out like a miaowing cat, shut the door and carry on.

This. You receive money (whether it is from a salary, CMS, child benefit), it pays bills, buys food / fuel / clothing etc.

All money you receive is used to house and look after you and your child. End of story.

Well in a way mine goes on gambling (lottery) and vodka cos when he stops paying those are what I cut back on rather than on things for my dd.

Tho would love to know what happens to the spare £60 a month. Where does it go via the government /cms

They charge him a little more 20% but you also get a little less 4%

say he pays £250 a month for one child

If you stay on about:blank Child Maintenance Service Direct Pay:

• You pay exactly £250 per month
• No extra fees added

If it moves to Collect & Pay:

• You (paying parent): £250 + 20% = £300 per month
• Receiving parent gets: £250 − 4% = £240 per month

Summary

• Direct Pay: £250
• Collect & Pay: £300 paid / £240 received

As long as someone is meeting their child's needs it doesn't need to be tracked and spent on specific things. I'd just be putting it in the same pot as everything else. Does ex think your children get food, clothes and shelter for free? It's probably triggered by those misogynistic memes going round about how fathers should have receipts for how CM is spent. Idiots who have clearly never managed a household with children.

I'd go through CM directly. It puts a third party in the middle. I then wouldn't discuss mon36 with him ever. Bring the topic alway back to the children.

He's a AH of course he needs to contribute to the upkeep of his keeps including there housing, heating and eating. I bet he's one of these commenting on every thing you do for yourself like he paid for it.

It pays for all the things he’d have to pay for if the child was living with him! …except you’re doing the majority of the care so he needs to make a maintenance payment.
So: everything from breakfast cereal to broadband and all the million and one other things a child needs.

As has been already said, it’s for all of the above and anything else too. It isn’t ’his’ money, it’s yours and is to support you as the main carer for your child/ren together. Fucking idiot bloke, they’re so predictable. If he’s going to start playing silly buggers, I think going through the official channels may be less hassle in the long run.

Paying the bills benefits your child. Has someone told you otherwise?

It's for the cost of raising a child. Providing a home, so that includes rent or mortgage, utilities, phone, TV, broadband etc as well as basics like food, clothing, dental treatment and a reasonable life experience, including toys, books, outings, clubs, school trips etc.

Surely it just goes in to your pot of money to cover all the living expenses etc for you and your children.

the only unacceptable thing would to be spending it on luxury items for yourself if your children were being left hungry or not being clothed etc

Why are you telling him how you spend your money?

Child maintenance is reimbursement for additional costs related to raising a child. It goes into the household pot and doesn’t need to be itemised!

Don't answer his questions about what you are spending it on. Child maintenance is to go on anything that is needed for or benefits the child. I would say a roof over their heads, heating, electricity is needed by a child so absolutely fine to use child maintenance towards bills.