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A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

337 replies

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 19:50

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

OP posts:
roses19837 · 26/03/2026 18:58

rwalker · 26/03/2026 11:26

Doesn’t really add up
they all hardly seen each other other
the story about casually glancing at laptop yet got an amazing leave of detail
love to hear the full story seems very one sided
i think OP has convinced herself

Edited

I didn't get an amazing level of detail from the email, but yes I did see it and was close enough to read when I walked past. And yes I did look, I couldn't resist when I saw that woman's Google profile photo.

DH used to see this woman in the office (DH works from home usually, we live quite far from his office), about once every 4-6 weeks, then last year it was often less. I had spoken to DH about his behaviour, over friendliness and staring at this employee, and asked him to think about the impression he was giving to her, last year. He knew I was not impressed at all and I think he did reign it in. I also went into the office with him several times from then on, and I sometimes did menial admin tasks he usually did when he went in, while he chatted to the blokes next door.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 18:57

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 18:53

We're 50 and don't have any kids, but I see your point. I don't know whether he believed he actually had a chance with her; I don't think he would ever throw away our marriage. I do think he enjoyed her responding to his attention, and that it fed his ego, which irritated me.

’her attention ‘ - in other words her professional interactions with her boss.

The way you are going, you are making your husband’s life miserable. If the sexes were reversed, nobody would think it acceptable to be that controlling.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 18:56

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 18:51

To be honest, I didn't suspect an affair, I was just annoyed by DH's behaviour around this woman and found it highly disrespectful and embarrassing to me. DH hadn't had the opportunity to be alone with this woman; he works from home 95% of the time, as the office is over an hour's drive away. When he did go in, there was always a group of employees, never just this woman.
DH and I go to pubs together on Friday and Saturday. There hadn't been any unusual, out of character outings by him either. I did look at his Whatsapps to this woman and it was just chit chat, him wishing her well with projects or recommending things (books, museums etc) to her he thought she'd like. Odd jokes thrown in, but nothing inappropriate.

I don't think he would want to jeopardise our (30 year) marriage and hurt me over a fling with silly young woman who he, to be honest, doesn't truly care about, but just finds pretty.

‘Silly young woman’?? Wow.

Would she have any choice in all this or is your husband so hot that she won’t be able to resist him?

This is not a healthy relationship and, kindly, you need to get a grip. If you think he’s incapable of keeping his kecks on around any women he finds attractive then you will forever be snooping.

I would consider someone poking through my messages unforgivably intrusive, but that might just be me

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 18:53

portvfs · 26/03/2026 11:35

This. Your 40+ husband and two kids and angry ex wife are not the prize you think it is. Shes probably nice to everyone and outgoing. He enjoys you thinking he’s actually got a chance with her and so makes you jealous to inflate his ego.
dont let him.

We're 50 and don't have any kids, but I see your point. I don't know whether he believed he actually had a chance with her; I don't think he would ever throw away our marriage. I do think he enjoyed her responding to his attention, and that it fed his ego, which irritated me.

OP posts:
roses19837 · 26/03/2026 18:51

Ophir · 26/03/2026 07:27

With the mooning and the mentionitis, it’s obvious you suspected an affair, maybe not unreasonably.

It’s also obvious you didn’t read an email by chance as you walked past.

You don’t trust him. That’s the issue

To be honest, I didn't suspect an affair, I was just annoyed by DH's behaviour around this woman and found it highly disrespectful and embarrassing to me. DH hadn't had the opportunity to be alone with this woman; he works from home 95% of the time, as the office is over an hour's drive away. When he did go in, there was always a group of employees, never just this woman.
DH and I go to pubs together on Friday and Saturday. There hadn't been any unusual, out of character outings by him either. I did look at his Whatsapps to this woman and it was just chit chat, him wishing her well with projects or recommending things (books, museums etc) to her he thought she'd like. Odd jokes thrown in, but nothing inappropriate.

I don't think he would want to jeopardise our (30 year) marriage and hurt me over a fling with silly young woman who he, to be honest, doesn't truly care about, but just finds pretty.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 17:41

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 09:36

A group email none the less.... She'll be a busy girl 😂

Is that how Bonnie Blue got started? 🤣

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 17:33

BoogieTownTop · 26/03/2026 16:42

Like reading his emails, another thing that’s unacceptable!

Sure she already admitted to going through his WhatsApp 🙄

BoogieTownTop · 26/03/2026 16:42

SparklyLeader · 26/03/2026 15:30

If you are really that worried check his phone.

Like reading his emails, another thing that’s unacceptable!

SparklyLeader · 26/03/2026 15:30

If you are really that worried check his phone.

portvfs · 26/03/2026 11:35

YorksMa · 26/03/2026 11:07

she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc

Who needs men when we've got our own misogyny?

This. Your 40+ husband and two kids and angry ex wife are not the prize you think it is. Shes probably nice to everyone and outgoing. He enjoys you thinking he’s actually got a chance with her and so makes you jealous to inflate his ego.
dont let him.

rwalker · 26/03/2026 11:26

Doesn’t really add up
they all hardly seen each other other
the story about casually glancing at laptop yet got an amazing leave of detail
love to hear the full story seems very one sided
i think OP has convinced herself

Janesput · 26/03/2026 11:25

Why is attention such a terrible thing to want anyway? It's a basic human need. Lots of childhood behaviour could be resolved easily by recognising that rather than playing up by "attention seeking" children are seeking to have their needs met, and that doesn't really change for adults.

It's entirely down to Dh whether she gets the attention she needs from him.

YorksMa · 26/03/2026 11:07

she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc

Who needs men when we've got our own misogyny?

BoundaryGirl3939 · 26/03/2026 11:02

I see where you're coming from Op. Sometimes your intuition just picks up on these things.

I have gotten 'accidental texts' and I know in my heart it was a form of innocent manipulation.

Unfortunately you can't control your husband. You need to trust he won't take it further.

portvfs · 26/03/2026 10:43

I really don’t get it. People like attention. She didn’t marry you and promise to love you forever - your dh did and he left the email anyway, so he’s sticking to his vows.
what’s the issue?

SinnerBoy · 26/03/2026 10:17

You police his emails.
You police who he can and cannot speak to...

Labelledelune · 26/03/2026 10:09

So because some likes to have their hair done and look immaculate they are seeking attention. I think you have problems.

FarmGirl78 · 26/03/2026 09:48

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 09:36

A group email none the less.... She'll be a busy girl 😂

It's the modern day equivalent of putting a glossy card with a photo of you scantily clad offering "services for hire" in the phone box outside The Kings Arms on the corner.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 26/03/2026 09:48

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 22:13

I've never been cheated on by DH. We've been together since we were 20 at uni, got married just after graduation. We've both worked from home since the mid 00s, as we both have our own businesses. DH wouldn't have had the time to cheat - I'd have noticed any suspicious behaviour.

I was unhappy last year when DH was mooning over a woman who was late 20s, early 30s at the very most. He didn't try to act inappropriately, but it was just his over interest in her compared to his other employees. I did have words with him about this, and he did agree to tone down his friendliness.

@roses19837 would you be kind enough to clear up an issue I have with something you have said please? In your first paragraph above you said that:

"We've both worked from home since the mid 00s, as we both have our own businesses ..."

The bit I am rather confused about is, how has your DH managed to work from home for the last 20 years, and yet you have been into his office and seen how he interacts with all of his staff, and only inappropriately with that one women while she was doing her internship? Do you live in a massive house where he has his own area/wing that houses him and his employees, and if so, why was he doing his business work on your dining table? I genuinely don't understand!

Starlight1979 · 26/03/2026 09:44

Squirrel60 · 26/03/2026 09:42

Question - Why are you snooping into his emails?

She wasn't!

She was just casually passing by his laptop (and happened to read the whole email AND check to see if her husband had replied within the few seconds she was walking past.

Squirrel60 · 26/03/2026 09:42

Question - Why are you snooping into his emails?

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 09:36

Starlight1979 · 26/03/2026 09:16

Do you think he'll fuck her because she sent a round robin email about writing web content

😆

A group email none the less.... She'll be a busy girl 😂

BoogieTownTop · 26/03/2026 09:35

BillieWiper · 26/03/2026 08:59

Do you think he'll fuck her because she sent a round robin email about writing web content that clearly was aimed at someone else?

You have a husband problem in that case. But no you can't demand he blocks people just because they are younger than you and female.

Edited

Where is that bloody laughing emoji!!

BoogieTownTop · 26/03/2026 09:35

Scout2016 · 26/03/2026 09:02

Somewhere, this poor woman is probably thinking "shit! I accidentally copied in creepy Colin instead of nice Colin. I hope the staring perv doesn't use it as an excuse to try talking to me again."

Spot on!

CautiousLurker2 · 26/03/2026 09:31

FarmGirl78 · 26/03/2026 08:43

OP equates turning up to work looking presentable and decent, and not immediately closing down any conversation a male might start with "wanting attention". Based on that, and the rest of her posts, I'm minded to think that her husband isn't actually leering, staring and lapping up everything this Woman says, and his interactions are just actually.....normal.

Indeed. There is some serious internalised misogyny on display here and some deep-seated insecurity about herself.

If I were OP, I would recognise this and talk to DH about the fact that, over the years, I have felt a little bit isolated when he is working away and insecure in myself - which his totally natural if she is likely peri-menopausal and the marriage is a long one and may have got a bit stale. I think she needs to talk to him about the way she feels about their relationship and herself - not about some random woman he worked with once - and they need to make a plan as to how to assuage her feelings and revitalise their marriage when he is home.

I think she is projecting her feelings of insecurity onto this woman - he likely didn’t ‘moon’ about her at all. And for all she knows he does rave talk about her and how proud he is of her at work.