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A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

337 replies

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 19:50

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:36

You have decided the OP is bicurious instead of just possessive and controlling. That’s quite a leap

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:35

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:33

oh hang on - you are the one obsessed with it being some sort of gay attraction?

You realise that is an odd way of looking at things - and fair play, I didn’t expect to agree with the OP on anything

It’s not odd. Op comes on describing a woman and how she dresses and hating her because she can’t stop thinking about her. Shes of a generation where this wasn’t talked about. Shes got no reason not to trust her husband and she’s finding excuses to go into work every day? How am I the only one seeing this?!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:35

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:32

Because I thought you were seeing a lot of op in your situation. I don’t have the version where I can exclusively look at your posts.
idk your version but I know bicurious women and op you’ve got it bad

Are you drunk?

i was saying how sleazy men want to fuck younger females who work for them and the wife, instead of binning them off, glare at the woman involved and make them the villain of the piece.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:33

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:25

I think she had a crush on you too! And was using her husband as an excuse to surveille you.

oh hang on - you are the one obsessed with it being some sort of gay attraction?

You realise that is an odd way of looking at things - and fair play, I didn’t expect to agree with the OP on anything

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:32

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:31

What are you talking about? She didn’t come into work.

Why assume she had a crush? What an odd conclusion to jump to.

I could have fucked him but he wasn’t my type.

Because I thought you were seeing a lot of op in your situation. I don’t have the version where I can exclusively look at your posts.
idk your version but I know bicurious women and op you’ve got it bad

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:31

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:25

I think she had a crush on you too! And was using her husband as an excuse to surveille you.

What are you talking about? She didn’t come into work.

Why assume she had a crush? What an odd conclusion to jump to.

I could have fucked him but he wasn’t my type.

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:25

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:24

?? What reasons?

She didnt come to work. But like the OP she seemed to think I was going to fuck her husband and made a point of doing those possessive little gestures 🤣

I think she had a crush on you too! And was using her husband as an excuse to surveille you.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:24

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:22

I think the wife was staring at you and finding excuses to come to work for very different reasons but like I said, some things are glaringly obvious to an outsider

?? What reasons?

She didnt come to work. But like the OP she seemed to think I was going to fuck her husband and made a point of doing those possessive little gestures 🤣

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:22

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:20

Why ‘foolish’ - because he finds an attractive younger woman attractive? Look at most people’s celeb crushes - they couldn’t be more different than their actual partners

you can’t seem to decide whether the issue is with her for existing or him for being ‘silly’ or being ‘inapproriate’.

You won’t admit that you are being irrational because you genuinely don’t seem to care.!

You are clearly very bitter about it - I would advise you consider some kind of therapy because your mind is all over the place.

And I was the subject of the glaring jealous wife when I was younger (just because I was young) - I just thought the husband was a perv and the wife was batshit!

I think the wife was staring at you and finding excuses to come to work for very different reasons but like I said, some things are glaringly obvious to an outsider

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 23:20

Why ‘foolish’ - because he finds an attractive younger woman attractive? Look at most people’s celeb crushes - they couldn’t be more different than their actual partners

you can’t seem to decide whether the issue is with her for existing or him for being ‘silly’ or being ‘inapproriate’.

You won’t admit that you are being irrational because you genuinely don’t seem to care.!

You are clearly very bitter about it - I would advise you consider some kind of therapy because your mind is all over the place.

And I was the subject of the glaring jealous wife when I was younger (just because I was young) - I just thought the husband was a perv and the wife was batshit!

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:17

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 23:15

I'm not obsessed with the woman herself, but by the fact that my DH seemed to fancy her. I did compare myself with her, and I think DH is foolish for liking a woman like that. I didn't think she was his type.

I'm not homophobic at all.

I’m not saying you are. You’re probably lovely to get people and treat them with respect.
but I think you’ve had some very confusing feelings about this girl - be it insecurity about your own aging, or some form of attraction you can’t name (and I think more likely the latter) - and you need help processing them.

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 23:15

portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:01

I think this is a bit of internalised homophobia and that’s why I’m trying to be kind. She’s utterly obsessed with this woman and trying to find any way to justify it to herself

I'm not obsessed with the woman herself, but by the fact that my DH seemed to fancy her. I did compare myself with her, and I think DH is foolish for liking a woman like that. I didn't think she was his type.

I'm not homophobic at all.

OP posts:
portvfs · 26/03/2026 23:01

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 22:57

Would it have been okay if she looked like you then? Or would you still see her as [insert misogynistic term here]?

I think this is a bit of internalised homophobia and that’s why I’m trying to be kind. She’s utterly obsessed with this woman and trying to find any way to justify it to herself

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 22:58

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:55

No, I'm not physically attracted to her. If I was, I wouldn't be ashamed, but I'm not.

I described what she looks like because that's what my husband seemed to be leering at, and I didn't like the idea of him fancying a woman who looks nothing like me.

And again with the leering. You may him sound like a sex pest but you still hate her

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 22:57

Would it have been okay if she looked like you then? Or would you still see her as [insert misogynistic term here]?

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:55

portvfs · 26/03/2026 22:48

Look, plenty of women in heterosexual marriages may experience genuine attraction to other women but have no conscious language for it, especially from generations where that wasn’t even a conceptual possibility. So the feelings get filed under “threat” instead of “desire.”

And why am I thinking this?

“She seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled.” You’re describing being attracted to this woman and filing it under moral judgment. “She likes attention” = “I noticed her and I’m angry about it.”

Idk I’m just putting it out there?

No, I'm not physically attracted to her. If I was, I wouldn't be ashamed, but I'm not.

I described what she looks like because that's what my husband seemed to be leering at, and I didn't like the idea of him fancying a woman who looks nothing like me.

OP posts:
portvfs · 26/03/2026 22:48

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:24

Other people noticed my DH looking at this woman as well, which is embarrassing. I'm quite friendly with another woman who's worked for DH for several years, and she said that he was staring as well.

Look, plenty of women in heterosexual marriages may experience genuine attraction to other women but have no conscious language for it, especially from generations where that wasn’t even a conceptual possibility. So the feelings get filed under “threat” instead of “desire.”

And why am I thinking this?

“She seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled.” You’re describing being attracted to this woman and filing it under moral judgment. “She likes attention” = “I noticed her and I’m angry about it.”

Idk I’m just putting it out there?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 22:40

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:26

I trust him not to do anything physically, or to try to initiate it, with this woman.

Do you trust her not to leap onto his penis if they meet? She’s apparently a ‘silly young girl’ after all

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/03/2026 22:39

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:26

I trust him not to do anything physically, or to try to initiate it, with this woman.

Yet still you poke around his messages. It would be better if he had actually cheated - still wouldn’t justify your behaviour but would be more understandable

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 22:26

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:24

I meant that I hadn't imagined the staring.

That may well be.
And you may well be insane. Certainly this thread would hint to it.

The 2 are not mutually exclusive.

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:26

BoogieTownTop · 26/03/2026 20:38

But you still don’t trust him? Why not?

I trust him not to do anything physically, or to try to initiate it, with this woman.

OP posts:
roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:24

BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 21:47

I'm not insane....

Ok 😬

I meant that I hadn't imagined the staring.

OP posts:
roses19837 · 26/03/2026 22:24

portvfs · 26/03/2026 21:23

ok fair enough. I just think you’re reading a lot into what seems like unfortunately your husband being a typical man. Lots of people, yourself included, obviously were staring at this woman. Lots of people, yourself included, probably would enjoy thinking of two people squabbling over them.
i don’t think you’re crazy, ive said what i think your husband was doing.
but i agree you have internalised misogyny anout women and i do wonder if you are using the cover of your husband to obsess over someone who’s making you feel insecure? You’ve said your marriage is good. You’ve said you know she isn’t interested. Your husbands behaviour is embarassing but if he is being leery people will see and judge him accordingly. Don’t feed his ego.

Other people noticed my DH looking at this woman as well, which is embarrassing. I'm quite friendly with another woman who's worked for DH for several years, and she said that he was staring as well.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 26/03/2026 21:47

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 20:36

I'm sorry, but DH objectively did stare at this woman - in front of me. I noticed and put my arm around him, but he seemed oblivious and carried on. He stared and then smiled like an idiot.

I'm not insane and I don't imagine things. The woman must have noticed.

The rest of what you say I can understand though, thank you.

I'm not insane....

Ok 😬

portvfs · 26/03/2026 21:23

roses19837 · 26/03/2026 20:40

I don't know if 'jealous' is the word, but I'll openly admit that no, I didn't like the attention my DH gave this woman, and that he seemed to like her. I didn't want her to like me; I'm not interested in making friends with a woman I have nothing in common with.

ok fair enough. I just think you’re reading a lot into what seems like unfortunately your husband being a typical man. Lots of people, yourself included, obviously were staring at this woman. Lots of people, yourself included, probably would enjoy thinking of two people squabbling over them.
i don’t think you’re crazy, ive said what i think your husband was doing.
but i agree you have internalised misogyny anout women and i do wonder if you are using the cover of your husband to obsess over someone who’s making you feel insecure? You’ve said your marriage is good. You’ve said you know she isn’t interested. Your husbands behaviour is embarassing but if he is being leery people will see and judge him accordingly. Don’t feed his ego.