AIBU to keep dating a man who doesn’t see his child?

Men are not forced to be a parent, they have sex knowing it can result in pregnancy, they can do other sexual things, have vasectomies and use multiple forms of protection.

No one forces a man to be a parent, they are not entitled to consequence free sex.

This is the biggest ick possible for me, so I'd be ending it immediately.

Think about how much you love your kids. Think about how cold hearted, bordering on sociopathic, you'd have to be to have a child that you had absolutely no interest in. It's indicative of almost sociopathic levels of selfishness. The ability to separate yourself from your child in this way. To justify it to yourself, and a new partner, with "well I wanted her to be aborted anyway". If you can still enjoy his company and want to have sex with after that then you crack on. But I'd have a big think about what sort of person he is if if I were you.

Stuff like this really messes kids up. I think its pretty unforgivable without a valid reason and what he has said is not a valid reason

Poor little kid. What a cunt he is

Op can you imagine having a child and actively choosing to never see them? So that child is out in the world, that child that is 50% of you. And you…just don’t care enough to se them? It’s unthinkable isn’t it. Totally unfathomable.

Plenty of women throughout history have had babies they didn’t want. A tiny tiny minute fraction don’t then look after and love said child.

You want someone like that in your kids' lives setting an example of what not to be?

He's a deadbeat. He may pay, but his choosing to be a deadbeat harms his child. What a guy! 🤮

This man is a piece of shit.
Simple as that, isn’t it?
He had sex, it resulted in a pregnancy. He then made the conscious decision to abandon that baby.
She’s 4 so she goes to school and sees everyone else with a Daddy and she doesn’t see hers because… he’s a lowlife piece of shit who can’t be arsed to “step up”.
He’s fucking 27 now.
But sure, keep shagging him and enjoy making excuses for him 👍🏻

It’s up to you. I’d worry about his long term prospects. You never said if he ever wants children (unless I missed it)- just that he’s not ready yet. At least you don’t want him as a dad to any of your children. It’d still put me off him. It’s like if a man was rude to waiting staff -well I’m never going to be his waitress so I’m not directly affected but it still makes me see him poorly.

I’d be put off by his explanation. This just rubs me the wrong way: “he has always felt like he shouldn’t meet her unless he is fully prepared to step up and he didn’t feel he is.”
That just reads like someone trying to paint not taking responsibility as some wise and mature decision when really it’s not.

Absolutely throw this one back.

Nothing would make me lose all respect and attraction for a man than a man who doesn't see his own child. And the comment about him thinking it was unfair that he had no say in whether she had an abortion -ick 🤢

I voted YANBU because I do agree that having a baby should be the decision of BOTH male and female, it’s not fair to force someone to have a baby when he doesn’t want and if he made this clear at the time, the mother went ahead knowing the child wouldn’t have their father.

With you having children though I would say it’s tricky, have you had the conversation about what would happen down the line if you were to live in together or become more long term? As if he’s being a step dad (even if he doesn’t no parenting) the child he doesn’t see will be hurt over this when they’re old enough to look for their dad.

Ignore not seeing his child for now.
He wasn't and isn't ready to be a father. But when he is, you won't want to be a mum again as your family is complete.
You are at different stages in life- so incompatible for that reason.

LOL. I think it says everything about his character and how he views women.

Keep dating him. Enjoy.

Leaving aside my views on him not being involved with his own child - where do you see this going long term? Are you planning on only ever seeing him when your children aren’t there? What if it gets more serious and you think about moving in together - doesn’t sound like he’s up for having kids around and that’s only going to lead to tension. It wouldn’t be fair on your children to expose them to a scenario where someone who doesn’t want kids is around a lot.

… because he still has an obligation to the child. This “she continued the pregnancy” take stopped being a foolproof when I was in secondary school debate class at age 15 (watched someone absolutely eviscerate it). His obligation is not to the mother, and her choices, whatever they are, do not cancel out his responsibility to a child he helped create. He thinks that it’s okay to bow out after he’s gotten his and if a pregnancy happens, just say, “Fine, but I won’t be involved and I’ll only give financial support.” First of all, this is some serious fucking emotional blackmail for his ex. “Get an abortion, because the child isn’t going to have an active father.” I mean, are you cool with that, OP?

And isn’t it amazing how many men DON’T have the courage to say “I won’t be an involved father if you continue a pregnancy” BEFORE they have sex??? Quite amazing really! Almost like they just wanted sex, and then DGAF. Oh right, it seems like that because IT IS that.

He wishes he could have legally forced his ex to have an abortion.

He feels entitled to consequence free sex but doesn't think the woman he has sex with ahould have the same right.

Has he had a vasectomy?
if you accidently got pregnant would you 100% opt for a termination?

That's the kind of man he is, does he still seem attractive?

Sex and nothing else imo - he has some growing up to do

He would have to attend, so did he not meet his daughter then?

A decent man would not do this.

Regardless of whether he wanted the child or not, he has one and it tells you all you need to know about what sort of person he is that he doesn’t want to see her. Throw him back.

I have a family member who had no involvement with his child as they grew up. I don't understand that but he is a decent man so I wouldn't write someone off as a bad person or undateable for making that choice. But I would be thinking it through carefully if you still want more children.

Are you actually for real or baiting MNetters?

You only know his side of the story.
The flip side is that he’s an abusive asshole who the mother is protecting the child from.

Either way it’s a no from me.
Any decent person has a relationship with their child. If there’s no relationship you have to ask why.

Why is his name on the birth certificate then? She cant put him on there he has to do it