AIBU to prioritise supporting my teens over funding my mum’s rent?

"It is assumed" by who?

If elderly people can't pay their rent, there are benefits available to them. If she needs to move to somewhere with cheaper rent, she'll have to do that. This isn't "on you" unless you choose that path.

Well the two of them need to get their heads together and make a plan for their future together. They need to work out how much they need to live on and plan from there.

I mean if he is so worried, why is he not working? He’s still quite young to retire if he can’t really afford to.

I wouldn’t even give it a second thought from your point of view - you have your own financial worries to think about!

She may live another 20 years - so 12x 20x whatever monthly sum you decide to give her -with a cost of living rising so it will gradually increase. Just don’t get involved in this.

Well don't assume.

"I'm not lucky. I have worked hard to get where I am so I can support my DC and myself. Especially for retirement. Doesnt everyone do that. I wouldn't want to live off my dc"

Exactly. So why is this going to be your problem?

Its not your job to fund your mum's retirement. Why do you think it is?

Echoing others, OP - do NOT fall into the trap of supporting your mother financially - IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!
She has had her own life, made her own choices - and it is NOT on you to remedy any mistakes or oversights she has made…

Could you encourage her to put her savings and some of her partner's into buying a small flat ? Then her state pension should be enough for her share of bills. But has she really got no pension from her job?

Depending on the size of his inheritance they may well have enough to buy a place outright.
If I were the OP I think I would send clear messages that I have no spare funds, & ignore any hints that I should be supporting them.
If they mention lack of money I'd make suggestions as to what their financial options are and then leave them to make their own choices out of the options available to them.

YADNBU,

You are on the right track OP, support your DCs first.

Good grief, she’s a grown adult with a partner - of course you don’t have to pay her rent! She’ll have to move if they don’t have the money - this is not your responsibility. If you want to give her some money that’s up to you, but surely your children for whom you do have a responsibility come first.

Their lack of planning is not your emergency.

Trust me, this can go on a while. I stressed like anything about my DM when she was in her 60s & 70s...now I'm nearly that age...

Also can she be absolutely sure that the landlord won't want or need to sell at some point in the future ?
Before considering handing any money over, they need to consider where their next move would be to should they need to move. As they are both over 55 get them to start looking at social housing properties for this age group and what is available in the local area.
Private retirement flats might be relatively cheap to buy but they might struggle to keep up with the ongoing costs of living in one, once she stops working, depending on her pension.

What is it about the idyllic location that your Mum loves so much ? will it be suitable for her needs if she needs a hip replacement or can no longer drive ? so is there a bathroom downstairs and is it on a regular public transport route ?
What suits her now as someone who is working might not be so idyllic in 5 years time ? If its a bit remote it might end up feeling like a prison !

Thanks I think I need to sit her down and talk sense to her. She is avoidant by nature and agree she should buy a place. They wont be keen to move though!

Unless they can buy a place with cash, they won’t be able to. They won’t qualify for a mortgage.

Stop assuming. Also you aren’t better off than your mum. She has £90k in savings and her partner is living off an inheritance. They are fine. If they can’t afford the rent, that is the landlord’s problem, not yours.

Do not support your mother financially.

I'm not sure why you even think it's your responsibility to do her financial planning for her this way. Unless she's asked you for advice or said that she will be counting on you to support her, it's really up to her. I'm also curious what sort of work she is engaged in at 73 and still working full-time. And if her partner is "living off an inheritance" and doesn't feel the need to get a job, it must be a significant amount of money he's inherited. It is definitely not up to you to provide for them in the future if they can't be bothered to plan for themselves now.

Her dp spoke to you about his worries? Behind her back?! How about he gets a job? All our local supermarkets appear employ older people.

I think you're making a massive assumption that you'll have to support her. You won't, she has huge savings and can look to move/apply for benefits. Bloke 2 doors down from me, 70 something, gave up work over 20 years ago and admits he and his deceased dp never planned for the future so he survives in housing association flat on benefits. Never without a fag (roll ups, to be fair).

Your don't have to support your mum. She can live off her 90k savings plus her partner can contribute to the rent. When she is no longer working and got down to less than 15k she can claim pension credit which entitles her to other benefits and probably some housing benefit towards her rent.

My friend and her husband pay for her inlaws rent, but they're in the US and her poor FIL was diagnosed with cancer just after losing his job ( and linked health insurance) which cost them $$$ and their house. That's literally the only time I would consider doing it - when someone has suffered real misfortune. Not when they just want a fancier home and haven't planned ahead! I would save the money for your own retirement to make sure you never have to put this pressure on your children.

Do not assume.
You are not responsible for your mum and her lazy, not working partner. Absolutely not.
Most grandmas would want to help their grandkids, not have their own kids pay their rent!

The 90k is the pension she has been receiving from reaching pension age. So approx 11k x 8 yrs. As the mother was working this was spare money.

Address it now. Why would your mother need you to cover her?

My mum and stepdad sold their (mortgaged £350k ish) home in their early 70s to move to a seafront flat which they rent for £2500 per month. Is it idiotic? Yes. But my mum has always been very much a ‘If I want it, I will have it!’ sort of person. They have good pensions, but I’m not sure what happened to the money from the house. I guess that’s what they use to pay their massive rent every month. 🤷🏻‍♀️ What will happen if one or both needs care, I don’t know. It won’t be me doing any of it though as we don’t even live in the same country.