AIBU to prioritise supporting my teens over funding my mum’s rent?

Her partner’s got a bloody cheek expressing to you that he’s concerned about money, when he’s living off an inheritance! Does her think he’ll never have to work a day in his life and it’s everyone else’s job to support him?

Your mum should know she and her partner should not be living beyond their means. If they need to downgrade to something more modest, then thats life. It shouldnt be your burden to carry her lifestyle choice. Similarly, if your "child" is old enough to go to uni, why arent they doing part time work to fund it? You know what its like to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. It makes you more resilient and appreciative of money. I had to leave home at 17 and found 3 part time jobs to pay my rent and study full time. It wasnt a comfortable life, but as an I adult I am wiser for that experience -and I worked super hard to graduate. Pared down, you actually dont need to be carrying the full burden for either of these family members. Youve worked hard. You deserve to do as you want in your retirement.

Not your problem, don’t even think about it.
They will have two state pensions so they can sort themselves out.

No they need to move they are adults

If DM is working fulltime, presumably there will be a work related pension as well as the state pension and her savings.

You are not your mothers cash cow

Why would have to support your DM? She seems to have plenty of money (relatively speaking)

If he is 63 he should be working and saving the inheritance.
This is honestly not your problem OP

Your DM and her partner need to live with their means. It is totally unacceptable for her to expect you to support them especially when he doesn't work. A sensible chat is called for, where you can kindly let her know you won't be subsidising their lifestyle choices.

I wonder if there’s a perception amongst your mum and partner that you’re very comfortable and will have pots of cash to spare.

Might be a reach OP but I had to have a strong convo with a family member who assumed due to a good job I’d be able to cover more than I could. No concept of disposable income vs salary I suppose.

Are there any other siblings or others who are feeding the flames or is it all you?

Your kids come first.
Your mum has plenty of money in the bank and a partner who has access to money.
They can move but don't want to.
OP...why should your kids do without and struggle.

I disagree, I prefer a direct approach. Dropping hints about your own situation feels passive aggressive to me.

This

I'd be having a pretty firm conversation about future proofing their life and home now - because I'd not be financially supporting them.

It might be a pain to move now but its a lot less of one now than 5 or 10 years down the line.

I tried and failed (due to my sister sticking her oar in) to get my Dad to downsize 10 years ago. He is now living in a huge house thats falling down around his ears, needs a ton of work (full rewire/replumb), he can't access half of it, its meaning his carer (who was very hard to find as most do not want to work in a falling apart hovel) is spending more time on general tidying/cleaning than looking after him some days... and my sister is really regretting her actions as most of the admin/work falls to her (due to my disabilities).

You would think the pair of them would have listened to the disabled person talking about future proofing and accessibility but noooo... that felt like too much work at the time.

My parents bought a top end caravan when they retired. Turned into a money pit. Within five years it was sold back to Haven for 20% of the cost. Total rip off.

Thank you no I won’t be complying as I certainly don’t intend to raise money for my parents. I have changed all my finances so my son will benefit from any savings I have. He may or may not go to uni (an opportunity I had) and those funds could enable that. My parents have a house which they can sell if they want to buy a depreciating asset and risk financial insecurity of rising caravan pitch rents which at over 70 I think is crazy but as an adult I can only advise and detach. It’s hard to live your own life as a adult when you have emotional ties with elderly parents.

I hope you don't comply with any of this. Some people become very self-centered as they get older, possibly without realising it, but that doesn't mean you have to obey them!

Prioritise your kids! They get first dibs - always.

Not the same but I have elderly parents they also are acting like I owe them now they retired, they constantly moan how much cost of living is yet they were given a house in their 20s that house is now risen in value. I had a good salary 9-5 job but due to their continued demands constant calls daily it all got too much when I was working as a single parent with looking after a teen. Im now in a much worse financial position now job hunting but this week they dropped hints about me funding a caravan purchase 100k on promise of future inheritance. I’m very angry that they see me as someone who should rescue them just because they decided to make irresponsible financial decisions.

Similar situation here -I support both my parents - it fell on me to do so but they don't have £90k in savings - the small pension they get goes towards food etc - if they did have significant savings - it would have gone towards a more permanent place for them to live.. I ended up buying a small flat for them to live in.. that way I have a small investment and they don't have rent. Your mum needs to think about how she is going to fund her lifestyle if she refuses to move as her current situation isn't a long term solution.

Yup - that would be it. Thanks 👍🏻

Your mother is not destitute OP.
She has a state pension, savings and employment.
If she put forward £1000 a month towards her rent and her pension that is £2000 . If she's paying that at 50% what the hell is she renting?
Royal lodge!
My worry would be the might want to move in with you.
My parents did this and I ended up as their carer. They blew all their money (house sale, early retirement payment, £200k plus 25+ years ago) and I paid for everything for 18 years. Cost me hundreds of thousands in accommodation, carers and lost earnings. I had the big job and was the most successful of my siblings. They were useless and grabby.
I fell ill and my money is nearly all gone. Both my DC supported their selves through uni as we just didn't have it.
Perhaps the looking after comment is about co living and I advise you not to do it. It nearly killed me and I have life long health issues because of it. Your mum also needs to be careful around a 63 year old who doesn't work. Does he think she's rich? fwiw you can get a mortgage up to 80 these days. It just needs to have a repayment vehicle such as pension lump sum.

I’m guessing that AC = adult children but don’t take my word for it, I could be completely wrong 😄

And what happens if dm dies before the partner and he refuses to move out and then at rent to you? He could go till he’s 100+!! Worst idea after paying her rent!!

She's an adult and hasn't asked you for anything. Maybe you just need to mind your own business?