Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single mum living with parents in London, stuck for housing options

108 replies

Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 08:46

More looking for guidance on this one from any single parents who have been through this.

separated from DDs father when she was only 2 months as he left me for another woman after 10 years together. was in the trenches with being a single parent and on mat leave so agreed to sell house.

moved back in with my parents and DD. Lovely and appreciative and all was well. DD getting older - now 3 - and I’m struggling with parenting whilst being parented by my own parents. In some ways you could say I do turn back into the sulky teen I once was. Parents are retired so home a lot, I work from home, all just on top of one another, have never had a particularly good relationship with my dad, we argue a lot and I don’t like DD seeing it all.

feel my options are limited with moving back out. I work part time 3 days a week, my firm can’t increase my days, and if I did I’d pay even more for nursery and would actually be worse off.

salary is low even if I did go back full time - would take 2k a month which is better than some of course but I live in London where most rent is 2k plus. No chance on the housing register, I work for the council and it’s just impossible to get somewhere. Have got 50k in savings from selling the house so not entitled to any UC

cant get a mortgage as salary too low - looked at shared ownership but that puts me into financial difficulty after a couple of years when the savings run out as I would use the rest of my savings to top up my salary and pay bills etc.
renting also isn’t an option for me just due to low salary and do want to have something in my name at least. also to mention I previously rented for years before meeting DDs father and getting in place together which we wasn’t in for very long hence not walking away with as much as I’d usually like.

feel so stuck, want to give DD somewhat of a normal life. My sanity is compromised when I live with my parents and I love them dearly, and I truly truly appreciate them and everything they have done for me. However, I’m 32 - me ans DD are not getting any younger and I want to parent and live how I want to - there is a reason I moved out at the young age of 20 originally.

have looked at earning more money - doing a uni course etc but I’ll be no better off starting at the bottom of a job and working my way up over the next few years. Have also thought about moving further out but DDs nursery is here, she won’t start school until nearly 6 due to birthday being end of Nov. Also would struggle to be away from friends and family if I move out and think I would feel pretty lonely.

i just feel I have no options. Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, how did you do it?

and before anyone comes for me about being so ungrateful - please don’t bother.

OP posts:
CharlotteRumpling · 25/03/2026 10:20

One day a week childcare from your parents plus a home is quite a lot. I wouldn't frame it as "they won't help me".

Timetoleavecornwall · 25/03/2026 10:19

I was in a similar situation and moved to the SW. a decade later and it's been a colossal nightmare with house prices going up and the most shittest salaries I ever did see. Not to mention the constant onslaught of redundancies and a barely existent job market.

My situation is slightly different because I am actually from Cornwall. And was stupid enough to fall for the outdoorsy lifestyle again. I'm looking at Exeter but the salaries there are equally as bad. I don't really know where to go with my teens (and their Dad has to agree) but as a family we need a better, more interesting life with financial security

Move out of London but be so careful about where you choose 💐

Westfacing · 25/03/2026 10:18

No chance on the housing register, I work for the council and it’s just impossible to get somewhere.

But is it worth trying to get on a waiting list, or are they closed?

I'm sorry your ex did such a terrible thing to you when you'd just given birth

Original poster
Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 10:18

Yes you are all right sorry lol. The receptionist at the school told me incorrectly and I have been running with this information for some time now. Thank god I posted otherwise I’d of continued to wait an extra year! although I should have clocked when I put the info into the calculator, but I was going off the school info! Oops.

thanks for your suggestions re pre school - I will look into this and quite frankly I didn’t really know this was an option as I was told from friends that you have to pick them up at 1pm which just wouldn’t work for me.

yes parents won’t help me anymore than one day a week. DD’s father is involved but only helps on weekends.

OP posts:
wyntersun · 25/03/2026 10:14

Your dd will start school-reception- when's she's 4, turning 5 in the November. You need to apply this year (well by the end of Jan) for school September 2027.

Move out of London, you can't afford to stay there. There are plenty of cheaper areas around the Uk you can move to. Now is better before your dd starts school.

CostadiMar · 25/03/2026 10:13

Your parents are retired, so you can move her to the pre-school at school, which will be cheaper and she will attend 9am-3pm. Check if they have a breakfast club or ask your parent to take her to school and bring her back if you are working. I don't understand why they would refuse this (no logical reason that I can think of other than pure malice).
Also, my son turned 4 in June and started Reception in September that same year, so something is wrong with your school age calculation.

Endofyear · 25/03/2026 10:12

We moved from the SE of England to Wales, mainly because of house prices and wanting a different pace of life. We moved to a little seaside town, lovely place to raise a child and so much more affordable. I didn't know a soul and DH worked away all week - I made friends at the children's school and 25 years later, feel very much part of the community. If I were you, I'd take the plunge and move away somewhere cheaper, you'll have to make the effort to make friends and get to know people but it is so worth it! I can't imagine living anywhere else now.

Phlerp · 25/03/2026 10:08

If you do move, make sure you consider catchment areas and timings. I think school applications have to be submitted in January (someone will correct me if I'm wrong, I'm sure). You'll need to have evidence to show that you live at the address that you're using for the application - bills etc.

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 25/03/2026 10:04

I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to move away from everyone and everything you've ever known. I live in the NE and you'd easily get a house here, but is it worth it when you'll have no family/friends around? I don't think it would be for me.

Phlerp · 25/03/2026 10:02

Sorry if I missed it, but does your ex have your DC much/at all? And does he pay anything?

If you bought a house (which I appreciate might not be possible right now!) then you'd no longer have savings so you'd get some UC, right? (I could be wrong but think you would)

Also - your child would most likely start school in the September just before her 5th birthday. She would reach compulsory school age on 31st December after her 5th birthday.

www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

Misnofitness · 25/03/2026 10:02

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 25/03/2026 10:01

What year was your daughter born? You say she's 3 so I'll assume it's Nov 2022 then she will start in September 2027 and then turn 5 in the November, so she'll be starting when she's still 4. You will need to start applying for her place in September of this year.

The application will need to be in by Jan 27 for a Sept 27 start

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 25/03/2026 10:01

What year was your daughter born? You say she's 3 so I'll assume it's Nov 2022 then she will start in September 2027 and then turn 5 in the November, so she'll be starting when she's still 4. You will need to start applying for her place in September of this year.

Misnofitness · 25/03/2026 10:00

Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 09:53

Hi all thank you for your comments - I can look at moving further out perhaps an area like Maidstone etc but midlands is moving away from my entire family and friends and also DD’s family.

in terms of school - I’m confused - my DD is born in November. The school said she misses the cohort for the year that she turns 5 and therefore can’t start until is she actually 5. Once she starts she will turn 6, 2 montjs later. I also inputted her birth day into the school calculator and it told me the same thing. So she won’t start until September 2027 meaning she will be turning 6 in the Nov.

thanks

This is incorrect. My child is born in November as well and started last year aged 4 and turned 5 in the November. Children are legally required to be in school the term after their 5th birthday. If your child turned 3 in November 2025 then she will start in September 2027 where she will turn 5 in November 2027

Catza · 25/03/2026 09:58

Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 09:53

Hi all thank you for your comments - I can look at moving further out perhaps an area like Maidstone etc but midlands is moving away from my entire family and friends and also DD’s family.

in terms of school - I’m confused - my DD is born in November. The school said she misses the cohort for the year that she turns 5 and therefore can’t start until is she actually 5. Once she starts she will turn 6, 2 montjs later. I also inputted her birth day into the school calculator and it told me the same thing. So she won’t start until September 2027 meaning she will be turning 6 in the Nov.

thanks

How often do you see your friends?
I still have friends in London, Bristol and Kent and I probably see them on average once a month or once every couple of months. I either drive there (Bristol is 90 min away, London is 2,5h-3h) by car. A lot of my friends are happy to come and visit for a weekend on the seaside too so we alternate. I'd say I see people more often now than I ever did before and I have plenty of new friends in the area too.

Thistimearound · 25/03/2026 09:56

Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 09:53

Hi all thank you for your comments - I can look at moving further out perhaps an area like Maidstone etc but midlands is moving away from my entire family and friends and also DD’s family.

in terms of school - I’m confused - my DD is born in November. The school said she misses the cohort for the year that she turns 5 and therefore can’t start until is she actually 5. Once she starts she will turn 6, 2 montjs later. I also inputted her birth day into the school calculator and it told me the same thing. So she won’t start until September 2027 meaning she will be turning 6 in the Nov.

thanks

https://www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

School admissions

Get a place for your child at a primary or secondary school - applications, deadlines, admission criteria, appeals and complaints.

https://www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

Original poster
Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 09:56

Re nursery fees - again - I’m confused lol. I pay 250 a month for 2 days a week, if I sent my DD for one extra day it doubles to 560. If I send her 4 days it goes up to over 800 and I’ve not even looked them numbers for obvious reasons. Where have I gone wrong? I claim 30 hours free and do child tax credits.

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 25/03/2026 09:55

Can you use your savings as a deposit on a shared ownership property and then claim universal credit? I also agree that your daughter will be starting school in 18 months - the September she is four. Make sure you apply for a school place by the deadline.

Original poster
Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 09:55

However want to say thank you all for your suggestions I will definitely look into my
options for moving further out and agree that it is best to do now before she is starting school.

OP posts:
Thistimearound · 25/03/2026 09:55

Plus if you leave London nursery will be substantially cheaper (for the hours you have to top up - a lot should be free).

You have less time than you thought for school applications so I would start planning a move now tbh. You’ll get a new network when she starts school. It’s exciting though I think - you need to start on your own.

NobodysChildNow · 25/03/2026 09:54

You need a full time job.

Original poster
Prinnypeach · 25/03/2026 09:53

Hi all thank you for your comments - I can look at moving further out perhaps an area like Maidstone etc but midlands is moving away from my entire family and friends and also DD’s family.

in terms of school - I’m confused - my DD is born in November. The school said she misses the cohort for the year that she turns 5 and therefore can’t start until is she actually 5. Once she starts she will turn 6, 2 montjs later. I also inputted her birth day into the school calculator and it told me the same thing. So she won’t start until September 2027 meaning she will be turning 6 in the Nov.

thanks

OP posts:
CharlotteRumpling · 25/03/2026 09:52

You have to move away and build a network.

Thistimearound · 25/03/2026 09:48
  1. I agree with everyone else re school. You start when you are 4. For some children this is when they are almost 5 (like your daughter), others will be just turned 4.
  2. Are you sure the two days at nursery are all you are entitled to? As long as your salary is not 100k (and we know yours isn’t) then these days you get a fair amount of free hours. Not to cover a full time job, sure, but more than 2 days.
  3. I would spend some free time looking seriously at areas say 1 hour north of London. You will want to be in the new area by early 2027 for school applications because if she’s 3 now she’ll be starting school in September 2027.