Single mum living with parents in London, stuck for housing options

Yes but that conversation can be had, it doesn’t have to be a blanket no. And my friends have been more of a support network than my family ever has. Family does not equal support for many people.

it sounds like your support network of your parents is actually not that supportive in terms of providing help.

with WFH, if thats a permanent thing, I’d probably look to move out of London but still within a distance that is fairly close to your parents or whoever you have as support

I think for the sake of your mental heath moving out wiuld be a good move

Could you get a mortgage for a property outside of London? East Kent is worth looking at, there are decent schools and relatively affordable houses. Maidstone has a couple of train stations if you need to commute, or Ashford, Faversham and Folkestone are on the high speed link. Essex is also possible but tends to be pricier. Definitely worth having a browse on Rightmove if you could afford £175k+.

She has a father who lives nearby though. As far as I'm aware you can't just move a child hundreds of miles away from their parent.

Are you actually on the Councils housing register? Occasionally those with lower /non priority bands are offered ‘affordable rent’ places.

The father should be paying child support, surely? I realise that this doesn't mean he actually is paying, but can you put pressure on him to provide more for his child?

Some pre schools close at 1, but many do 8.30/9 to 3/3.30 aligned with school hours

Moving to a town you don’t know is challenging yes.

i did it after my divorce. Didn’t know anyone and I’m disabled.

it’s not fun, at least for the first year or so as you need to go out and meet people and build a suppprt network.

if you don’t want to do it you don’t have to. You do have the choice of staying with your parents. But it is an option.

I don’t think people are talking solely about private rent. She has £50k saved so it’s probably more realistic to look at shared ownership 2 beds outside of London - but hopefully some kind of ideal sweet spot that doesn’t feel too isolated.

If you’re not in Londonor commuter belt, surely you could get a basic, 2 bed shared ownership for £200k ish? Her 50k would be her 25% ownership and 75% would be rent to the Housing Association. (Sure there are some costs I haven’t factored like stamp duty and solicitors but they’re not huge and hopefully the Op could save that in the few months I would take to buy?)

Her daughter’s childcare shouldn’t be costly. She’s 3 so old enough for pre-school, and the OP works from home (part time) and will be at school in 18 months. So that’s a saving of £255 a month in nursery fees off the bat.

The OP doesn’t want to depend on the £450 child maintenance she gets from her child’s father. She should. Yes things can change but also there is a UC safety net - which she would be eligible for in SA towards rent I think if it came to it for a short period - and also jobs situations can be fluid. The OP should aim to be working full time by the time her daughter starts school.

This is all quite doable, surely.

As for moving away from the support system. I live in London so I’m biased but the majority of people I know don’t live near family. It’s perfectly doable - most people I know have done it. But yes she probably doesn’t want to live in the complete middle of nowhere without a support system, but I don’t see why cheaper parts of Kent, or the Midlands aren’t doable. The child’s father will just have to add an extra few hours on to visit. Really there is no alternative. The OP can’t live with her parents for the rest of her life.

The thing to do would be to start looking for SA or cheap-ish flats now so that she could be settled by school applications early next year.

You can't be claiming 30 hours a week for 2 days. That would be 15 hour days in nursery. Even if on stretch funding (so 30 hours used across whole year rather than termtime only) it would be 11 hour nursery days? We only needed 2 days but had to send DD 3 days to get the 30 hours funding even on stretch funding.

If you are, the nursery is doing a dodgy. And that would explain the dramatic fee increase when you increase the days.

What the school may have meant is that compulsory schooling only starts the September after they turn 5. But they start Reception (which is not legally compulsory but is massively beneficial) the September after they turn 4. My DD1 is September born, she started at 4 years 11 months old. My DD2 is May, she started reception at 4 years and 4 months old.

Support networks can be built.
Plenty of people (including single parents) move hundreds or thousands of miles away all the time.
New friends can be made.
Jobs exist outside of London.

OP I was a lone parent in exactly the same situation. I would consider looking for full time jobs with other councils/companies in areas surrounding London perhaps. I moved my DD around 3 out of London and to a small Oxfordshire town. I rented for a bit (sooo much cheaper than London) saved money then bought a house. Honestly, it’s the job you need to fix first I would say.

And what about the child seeing her dad?

If she stays with her dad on the weekends then it could be quite complicated to move far away. He would have to agree to the move basically and you might be the one who have to facilitate access for him to continue seeing her the same amount as he is now. How close do you live to each other now?

Actually I did exactly that as I mentioned above. I did say it was relatively easy for me to get a job in another area but I moved knowing not a single person and was able to buy a house*. I've been here nearly 40 years.

*OP says she sold the marital home so I expect she has some money saved from that. If not she needs to take advantage of her current situation, which is easier than mine, and get a full-time job and save.

OP I’m assuming your parents can’t help you with buying a property?

What do you see as the solution? I see only three options:
Move away which is tough, I agree
Work full time.
Stay as she is and put up with dad for a few years.

This.

People casually going "just move to Yorkshire / Scotland / Timbuctoo" are the same people who, when the OP has an emergency years down the line and comes on here to post about her struggles with childcare / having no family nearby, will be replying "well this is what happens when you move hundreds of miles away from your support network" 😂

Of course a 32 year old single mum isn't going to move from London to Yorkshire on her own (and I say that as someone who lives in Yorkshire!!).
Yes she'd be able to buy a house but she and daughter will barely see her family and friends?! And what about work??

Glad you posted!! Luckily the nursery would have picked up on this too.

Where is her father? Is he also in London?

I wouldn't move out of parents' home if I were you.

It's not ideal but I can't at this stage see how you could afford renting somewhere, no matter how cheap an area you move to. You'd be mad to move out of London IMO. Presumably you are not paying your parents a market rent.

As others have said, you need to increase your earnings and maybe aim to not WFH to make day to day life less stressful.

I also think a full time job may be needed.

OP if you want to change your situation, you need to first become a bit better informed about school timelines and childcare options. From what you have posted here, I'm not convinced you have the full picture. You have a free home now, your daughter starts school in about a year and you have options of free pre-school. You need to get a full time job, pay for extra childcare if needed (it will be worth it in the long run) and save like mad so you can buy on your own. The time to save is now when free housing and some free childcare is available from your parents. If your ex looks after her on weekends, you can work then. There is more you can do to help your situation.

That's what I did but it might be difficult for the OP to get a job elsewhere. I was a teacher, there are teachers all over the world.

Do you pay rent to parents?