AIBU to feel like an imposter here as a woman in my 40s?

Neulip · 2026-03-24T21:38:42+00:00

When I post on here as a woman in her 40's (I'm 48) either in reply or making my own posts I always feel as if everyone else here is a proper grown up woman and I'm an imposter like I'm actually too young / inexperienced / naïve / dumb or wet behind the ears and so on and its like I am pulling a flanker even being on here talking to people! Anyone else feel like this?

Crushed23 · 25/03/2026 00:55

SecretBather · 24/03/2026 21:53

You’re a similar age to me and I always feel really old on here and assume everyone else is early 30s.

Really? I’m mid-30s and it feels like most people on MN are in their 50s and 60s. Even on topics that would attract a younger crowd, like Pregnancy or IVF, are flooded with replies like “I remember when I had DD 23 years ago, the doctor said…”.

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 23:57

marchi · 24/03/2026 22:18

what makes you think you’re a pretend adult?

I'm winging it every day, hoping for the best I have no plan really and no fixed ideas of what I ought to be doing or what is right, I question and second guess everything, I just do my best. Other people seem so sorted and sure of themselves.

OP posts:

mumrebranded · 24/03/2026 23:56

I feel like this in life xx

Gemtastic · 24/03/2026 22:27

I sometimes don’t feel like an adult. Other friends all seem to be able to whip up beautiful meals effortlessly, organise their household tasks easily, never struggle with tasks like getting builders in, making sure bills are paid etc. I do this stuff but make mistakes and find it hard. I never know things like where the clothes altering shop is or where to buy unusual products.

marchi · 24/03/2026 22:18

what makes you think you’re a pretend adult?

Undercovers · 24/03/2026 22:17

Feel the same way. Also read on here about women in their 40s and I think they're old and have it sorted. Then I remember I'm actually quite a bit older 😂

Fatiguedwithlife · 24/03/2026 22:14

I’m 45 and feel positively matronly sometimes!

NotAnotherScarf · 24/03/2026 22:11

I've suffered from imposter syndrome before. But I've thought about it and that someone else employed me for the job and thought I'd be ok.

However, that doesn't take away from the feeling that somehow everyone else is clued up and knows what is going on and I'm left holding a broken piece of rope and the ship is sailing away.

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 22:08

@BlueClinches What a bloody marvellous way of looking at it! I am going to adopt that myself and it makes very good sense!

OP posts:

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 22:07

StasisMom · 24/03/2026 22:04

I’m 49 (ok - 2 months off 50) and I’m sure I’m Gen X?
I know what you mean OP and I also have had a few challenges in life, a breakdown not being the worst thing to happen. I will often write out a comment and then discard it for fear of looking stupid etc etc.

Show quote history

Just post it. No one knows who you are. You’ll gain confidence as you go. Or realise you’re batshit crazy. Either way, have your say!

BlueClinches · 24/03/2026 22:06

I feel the same way...I don't think it's a bad thing tbh.

I question my own judgement and thinking, and try to have a "beginners mind".

Obviously crippling self doubt or second guessing and anxiety is bad

and in real life it may be good to only keep your vulnerabilities and doubts to tested people.

However I think it's good to see ones own advice as a "work in progress ".

Or recognise that you may be acting from your own perspective and emotions, or even any privilege you may have. Or acknowledge that other people may react to situations differently.

Even since my 30s I know I've got more mature and have better intuition and ability to detach and analyse social situations, manage those " fuzzy" areas of life. I hope to continue all my life!

Often relationships and complex social situations aren't binary or black and white.

It's good to believe that there are nuances and no "absolutely" right answers, including ones own.

pinkpony88 · 24/03/2026 22:04

In a few weeks I’ll be 50 and, honestly, I thought I’d know a lot more stuff by now! 🤣🤣🤣

StasisMom · 24/03/2026 22:04

Neulip · 24/03/2026 21:56

Lol, geriatric millennial, I think that makes sense actually like I'm not really either or and perhaps that not quite fitting in to any major cohort causes this feeling?

Show quote history

I’m 49 (ok - 2 months off 50) and I’m sure I’m Gen X?
I know what you mean OP and I also have had a few challenges in life, a breakdown not being the worst thing to happen. I will often write out a comment and then discard it for fear of looking stupid etc etc.

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 22:03

Neulip · 24/03/2026 22:00

Yeah but I think its a common theory that if you are born after 1976 you aren't a true gen x and not quite a millennial but somewhere inbetween, xillennial some say. I think there is some truth to that, not that it is that important but interesting none the less.

Show quote history

I’m a xillennial too. Happy days!

Stigsmother · 24/03/2026 22:01

(Early) sixties here, most of the time I still feel like a bumbling teenager

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 22:00

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 21:58

Gen X I believe is 1965 - 1980. OP falls into this.

Show quote history

Yeah but I think its a common theory that if you are born after 1976 you aren't a true gen x and not quite a millennial but somewhere inbetween, xillennial some say. I think there is some truth to that, not that it is that important but interesting none the less.

OP posts:

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 21:58

CarbGoading · 24/03/2026 21:54

That's because you are a cusper/geriatric millenial like me! We're the Peter Pan generation, much to the disdain of our boomer parents who think we are irresponsible, our gen x older siblings who think we are deeply uncool, and our super serious gen z kids who think we are ignorant 🤣

Gen X I believe is 1965 - 1980. OP falls into this.

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 21:56

CarbGoading · 24/03/2026 21:54

That's because you are a cusper/geriatric millenial like me! We're the Peter Pan generation, much to the disdain of our boomer parents who think we are irresponsible, our gen x older siblings who think we are deeply uncool, and our super serious gen z kids who think we are ignorant 🤣

Lol, geriatric millennial, I think that makes sense actually like I'm not really either or and perhaps that not quite fitting in to any major cohort causes this feeling?

OP posts:

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 21:55

SecretBather · 24/03/2026 21:53

You’re a similar age to me and I always feel really old on here and assume everyone else is early 30s.

I don't think I've ever manage to feel old or even wise in my life yet!

OP posts:

CarbGoading · 24/03/2026 21:54

That's because you are a cusper/geriatric millenial like me! We're the Peter Pan generation, much to the disdain of our boomer parents who think we are irresponsible, our gen x older siblings who think we are deeply uncool, and our super serious gen z kids who think we are ignorant 🤣

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 21:53

Neulip · 24/03/2026 21:51

No absolutely not! I've had my fair share of tough knocks!

Show quote history

Then you certainly qualify for helping others through lived experiences.

SecretBather · 24/03/2026 21:53

You’re a similar age to me and I always feel really old on here and assume everyone else is early 30s.

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 21:51

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 21:50

Could it just be that you’ve had a very nice life so far, or even a very sheltered life, and so you can’t relate to other’s problems and so don’t feel qualified to give advice on such matters?

No absolutely not! I've had my fair share of tough knocks!

OP posts:

Original poster

Neulip · 24/03/2026 21:50

@decorationday Thank you for the praise, I now feel worthy!

OP posts:

LessDramaMoreLiving · 24/03/2026 21:50

Could it just be that you’ve had a very nice life so far, or even a very sheltered life, and so you can’t relate to other’s problems and so don’t feel qualified to give advice on such matters?