Dh sulking after being away

Initially, I thought the DH was just being a ridiculous, self-important man-child, but this silent treatment has gone on for so long now that I'm starting to suspect something else at play. He should have calmed down by now, and, if he still felt he was hard done by, he could have had a conversation with OP about what it is that he actually expects to happen when he walks through the door. Instead, he seems to be engineering a terrible atmosphere between them both which I wonder if he might be using to justify to himself (or others) whatever it is that he feels guilty about, as in 'things are awful at home, we are barely speaking'. It's a bit more sinister now imo.

It sounds like he's just having a go at you without saying what it is he actually wants.. which in turn sounds like he just wants an excuse to have a go at you. He sounds really resentful.. but is not giving you any clue as to why.

Its a long time for someone to refuse to speak to you just because you were all coping solo and carrying on with normal busy child routines and didn't all skip classes, tea etc.. to rush up and make a fuss of him. I can't imagine my DH ever thinking that we should all stop what we were doing and make a big fuss.. We'd get on with the children's routines and all chat once afterschool clubs and homework were out of the way... but then, he thought more about being pleased to see them, rather than accusing them of not welcoming him.

He came home and was horrible to all of you , particularly your poor eldest. And he's still being horrible to you, not allowing a proper discussion and blaming you for a "crisis" of his own making, what is it that he actually expects you to do in response to this?

I agree with @SylvanMoon you might need to talk to one of the women's charities. For advice and perhaps help to find a way through this, to see if its just an unexpected resentment over something that he can't deal with properly or if its becoming a long term pattern.
Sorry OP, I hope things calm down and you get through this soon

Maybe it’s time to tell him that the next time he goes away for work he doesn’t come back to the house.

Absolutely. This is the reality for many of us these days. The mother is the main earner in a huge proportion of families (me included). I’ve never once expected everyone to roll out the red carpet and brass band for me. I get home from work and immediately get back into family life.

It may be time for you to get some help for yourself, perhaps from a women's charity that deals with domestic abuse of various types. It appears that you still think he is going to be able to sit down with you and have a rational conversation about his behaviour. From what you've posted here, I suspect that is highly unlikely to happen. Instead, things are likely to escalate in ways you don't seem able to predict right now. I wish you and your children all the best.

Nah. I was the breadwinner and would have to travel abroad at short notice - I did not expect a red carpet on my return. Fully expected to get back stuck in with bathtimes, laundry, and other day to day household stuff. Straight away. It’s called normal life.

When i go away, I am lucky if I even get a look up from his phone from him
He's a hypocrite, as well as emotionally abusive.

I grew up with a father who sulked, gave us the silent treatment for days on end, and shouted no end...ive been left traumatised by his behaviour, nerves are shredded, had all kinds of counselling, tried medication for my anxiety and I'm now nearly 60 and the effects are still apparent.

Please don't let that happen to your DC, OP.

Sorry Op but does he shout a lot at your children / one of your children?

sulking / silent treatment is emotionally abusive behaviour.

please seek help, this is not normal and you and your kids deserve so much better.

The final sentence needs to be immortalised in blazing lights.

I have read that’s a thing. You’d think the opposite would be true, showering with affection to not give the game away. I suppose though, if they’d rather be somewhere else maybe they do their best to get kicked out as they’re too gutless to walk out on their own accord.

@Overitagain88 could he be cheating?

This would be my first thought too if this is out of character. The behaviour isn’t okay of course but angry outbursts and acting out of character are signs of stress, depression or other mental health crises.
I’d be so shocked by my husband if he did this alarm bells would be ringing for me.

I’d love to know what kind of relationship he has with his children nowadays, presuming they are now adults?

what would happen if you lost your shit and told him a few home truths?

The he is selfish, needy and childish? That no you dont miss a man who behaves like that, a man that sulks and shouts at his kids, who likes the money and lifestyle that comes from you working but resents that it takes your attention away from him? If you properly yelled that you are sick of his behaviour, that the way he treated your child is abusive and that he can talk to you when he has grown the fuck up?

My first thought, somethings going on while he’s away, then he gets the hump when he has to come home to his normal life

He seems to think your job is of a lesser value to his own. How would it be if you interrupted his work day because you were lonely?

Him going away for work ----oooh such hard real work
You on a work call - Why can't she stop prioritising stupid work calls and talk to Me Me Me.. I am the priority.

Getting annoyed about the call is just an excuse. He was looking for an excuse to kick off.

He's going on about feeling not feeling missed/welcomed - and yet it seems he's overlooked the fact that its becoming a pattern for him to come home and be horrible to all of you.

What does he expect to achieve with this behaviour. I get the impression that what ever the welcome he'd find something to moan about.

I would just carry on. Take the kids out somewhere nice and let him get on with it. But also I'd be thinking about how much of this nonsense I'd be willing to put up with.

Sounds like he's picking fights to justify his affair

@Overitagain88 you hardly get a look up if things are reversed? And he makes a huge fuss when you don't bow to his demands. Honestly, he's a real...

NPD

DH travels a lot for work and when he gets home he likes to have a bit of time to decompress, wash hands, have a drink or whatever. He'd hate to have us falling over him as he walked in.

Nothing wrong with acknowledging your husband, you know, even after you have little darlings.
(Sarcasm).

A mantrum. How attractive.