Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

214 replies

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:14

Some advice on this.

I have close relatives wedding in a few weeks and also a 3 month old baby.

Culturally it’s looked down if children aren’t present at weddings. It’s also an opportunity to meet family you don’t regularly see and there are the great grandparents who will be pretty disappointed if I don’t take the baby.

My MIL is in town and she’s very very good with the baby. Follows our schedule to the T and baby is in safe and secure hands with her. She’s insisting to leave baby with her.

Wedding is 3 hours away and will be an all day event. 1pm till 10.

If I take the baby, will have to take all his equipment for bottles plus carrycot pushchair etc but family will be happy. I am not even sure where to sterilise his equipment as he needs feeding every 3 hoursish.

if I don’t we will have a much more relaxing time but family will probably openly express dissatisfaction. What do you think?

OP posts:
Dontbeatwat · 24/03/2026 20:51

Babyboomtastic · 24/03/2026 20:36

Honestly a lot of people feel very very protective of their babies and struggle when they are out of their sight. That's fine for them, but it's equally not allowed not to feel like that. Breastfeeding mums obviously have to stay close, which is why I couldn't have left my second born. But I felt zero anxiety over leaving my first with my parents whilst I went out (I did this from a couple of weeks). It's not a sign of poor bonding, or that something's wrong, everyone's different.

A lot of people also felt very anxious over their newborns. That too is normal, but not universal. I didn't feel anxious, it was fine.

Baby will be fine regardless, it's upto you and your comfort level. There are no rights and wrongs here.

absolutely agree with this.

Not wanting to leave your baby for a dais not a sign of a better bond or better parenting. Everyone is different. The baby is 3 months not 3 weeks.

OhDear111 · 24/03/2026 20:51

@Helpboat You have amazing support for your family. I’d leave your baby with your mil. She sounds a fabulous grandma. Trust her for the day and take your older child. Yes, some mums won’t do it, but others are perfectly ok with it. I would not want to do all of that with the baby in tow but I’d probably book 2 rooms in a hotel for all of you. Not going isn’t ok for your other dc and they need to be considered. I think you would regret not gojng and dc1 might resent that decision. So say thanks and go. Staying in a hotel is a lot easier though. All that driving!

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:50

Charel2girl5 · 24/03/2026 20:49

Would it be possible for your MIL to attend the wedding venue and just pay for a room so you could go to your baby when needed? That for me would be a practical solution and pay for room service for her. You are very lucky my mother and MIL had zero interest in my children when they were that small. ☹️

I have friends who have zero support the way I do so I make sure to be there for them and their kids. I’m sorry your MIL was like that.

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 24/03/2026 20:50

I took DD to a wedding at 4.5 months and it was pretty easy. She got lots of attention and people holding her. I'd have found it weird to leave mine for too long at that age, even with my mum who I completely trust. But everyone is different. I certainly left DD earlier than some of my friends would for example.

I guess the other thing is- why do you not want to bring the baby if the baby is very welcome and people want to see him?

Charel2girl5 · 24/03/2026 20:49

Would it be possible for your MIL to attend the wedding venue and just pay for a room so you could go to your baby when needed? That for me would be a practical solution and pay for room service for her. You are very lucky my mother and MIL had zero interest in my children when they were that small. ☹️

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:48

Sowhat1976 · 24/03/2026 20:45

If you are comfortable leaving the baby that's all that matters. I couldn't do it but I had years of infertility, miscarriages, then a traumatic labour. With my first I couldn't bare to be away from her and I had terrible anxiety. With the second it was covid and lockdown so I couldn't have left her with anyone even if I wanted to. Everyone's different. If you won't be stressed and will enjoy your day then go for it.

Show quote history

Also sorry if this thread triggered anything. I have close friends who have had multiple miscarriages and honestly I can’t imagine the pain x

OP posts:
PepeParapluie · 24/03/2026 20:47

If you’re happy with it then you do you. I wouldn’t have left my babies that long that far away (or that far away in general at that age) but breastfed both so it wouldn’t have been a conversation anyway. We took our 10 week old to a wedding recently and it was lovely to introduce him to people and honestly they’re so easy at that age that it was just a really nice experience all round.

Dontbeatwat · 24/03/2026 20:46

I would - and did - leave all my babies at that age. It's absolutely fine.- I think the people who don't want to can't have a decent support network or family - I absolutely trust my parents/MIL/couple of my siblings and my husbands siblings with my kids as much as I trust myself!

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:46

Sowhat1976 · 24/03/2026 20:45

If you are comfortable leaving the baby that's all that matters. I couldn't do it but I had years of infertility, miscarriages, then a traumatic labour. With my first I couldn't bare to be away from her and I had terrible anxiety. With the second it was covid and lockdown so I couldn't have left her with anyone even if I wanted to. Everyone's different. If you won't be stressed and will enjoy your day then go for it.

Show quote history

I’m sorry to hear about your fertility issues and losses x

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:45

Catcatcatcatcat · 24/03/2026 20:44

For me it would have made me feel sick to be that far away from my three month old. I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself at all.

The longing for my baby would be overwhelming.

Edited to add, yes, plenty of people would be available to do it. It isn’t about trust. It’s about how fucking miserable I would have felt.

Edited
Show quote history

Ok I get that x

OP posts:
Sowhat1976 · 24/03/2026 20:45

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:39

There is because of you’re commenting on a thread I have started suggesting that there is something wrong with me leaving a 3 month old with a safe and trusted adult then I have the right to question why you wouldn’t.

Show quote history

If you are comfortable leaving the baby that's all that matters. I couldn't do it but I had years of infertility, miscarriages, then a traumatic labour. With my first I couldn't bare to be away from her and I had terrible anxiety. With the second it was covid and lockdown so I couldn't have left her with anyone even if I wanted to. Everyone's different. If you won't be stressed and will enjoy your day then go for it.

oldshprite · 24/03/2026 20:45

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:30

Yes great bond. I’m south East Asian and children are raised around grandparents and aunts. They develop primary attachments with them too. Raised around multigenerations is still a thing in our culture.

Show quote history

i am form a culture where children are also raised around gps and family and would not dream to leave them for 15 h at such a young age, regardless of who takes care of them. blame it on the hormones..
my friend (nordic) left hers with a babysitter so she could go to the cinema with her partner. to each their own

Catcatcatcatcat · 24/03/2026 20:44

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:26

Yes but why? Is it because you have no one you can genuinely trust (that’s not my issue) or is it just psychological.

Show quote history

For me it would have made me feel sick to be that far away from my three month old. I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself at all.

The longing for my baby would be overwhelming.

Edited to add, yes, plenty of people would be available to do it. It isn’t about trust. It’s about how fucking miserable I would have felt.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/03/2026 20:43

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:41

No answering the premise of the question and jumping to ‘I couldn’t leave 3m etc’ effectively derailing the thread is judging so I’m ok to ask as well

Show quote history

No, it isn’t close to derailing! And people have answered honestly and nicely, keep asking again over and over is pointless. You don’t have to like the answers but nobody has judged your choice.

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:43

Elizabeta · 24/03/2026 20:42

I absolutely wouldn’t have left my babies! Take them, you’ll have fun showing them off and won’t have to miss them.

yes This js why I’m in two minds. He’s a gorgeous little gremlin and deserved to be fawned over by the wider family which no doubt he will be.

OP posts:
moleeye · 24/03/2026 20:42

I left my DD with my mum when she was 8 weeks to go to a vv close friend’s wedding all day. She was our firstborn.

We had a great time. Although I do remember having to repeatedly go to the toilets to express!

Elizabeta · 24/03/2026 20:42

I absolutely wouldn’t have left my babies! Take them, you’ll have fun showing them off and won’t have to miss them.

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:41

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/03/2026 20:37

It’s just weird that you are making out like it’s weird! Nobody is judging you for being ok with it, so no need to be that way with other posters. You asked, people have answered

Show quote history

No answering the premise of the question and jumping to ‘I couldn’t leave 3m etc’ effectively derailing the thread is judging so I’m ok to ask as well

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 24/03/2026 20:41

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:39

There is because of you’re commenting on a thread I have started suggesting that there is something wrong with me leaving a 3 month old with a safe and trusted adult then I have the right to question why you wouldn’t.

Show quote history

You have the right to question it, but the answer is:

Because that's their preference.

There is nothing wrong with leaving the baby btw. But there is also nothing wrong with not wanting to leave a baby that age.

It's personal preference. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:39

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/03/2026 20:38

Are you the dad?

Show quote history

Nope. Mama.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:39

NuffSaidSam · 24/03/2026 20:35

Just because they don't want to.

That's it. There's nothing to understand beyond people have different preferences.

Show quote history

There is because of you’re commenting on a thread I have started suggesting that there is something wrong with me leaving a 3 month old with a safe and trusted adult then I have the right to question why you wouldn’t.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/03/2026 20:38

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:37

nope I can’t. That’s why I’m asking. Not sure why people are getting so offended.

Show quote history

Are you the dad?

Sowhat1976 · 24/03/2026 20:38

I wouldn't leave a 3 month old baby for that amount if time. At that age I managed a trip to the cinema, while DC was at home with my mum, and even that was stressful.

I wouldn't take DC to the wedding either. It's a 6 hour round trip. I would want the baby in the car seat that long. The journey will take forever having to stop to meet the babies needs.

Honestly, I'd stay home

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/03/2026 20:37

Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:32

Again not sure why but ok

Show quote history

It’s just weird that you are making out like it’s weird! Nobody is judging you for being ok with it, so no need to be that way with other posters. You asked, people have answered

Original poster
Helpboat · 24/03/2026 20:37

Jellybunny98 · 24/03/2026 20:34

You genuinely can’t understand why a mother would not want to be away from their very young baby for such a long time? Really? Have you read about the fourth trimester at all?

Show quote history

nope I can’t. That’s why I’m asking. Not sure why people are getting so offended.

OP posts: