Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

You do whatever you want to and what makes you feel comfortable and don’t let anyone guilt you either way.

Your MIL is 'insisting' and your family will 'express dissatisfaction' but what what do YOU want to do?

I did and it was fine…. The only challenge was leaky boobs towards the end of the evening! Is there a compromise…. Have baby for eg the first half then hand him over to MIL?

Does it have to be one or the other OP? Could you book a hotel room there and bring the baby to MIL after a few hours at the wedding? Then the extended family gets to meet them but you get some baby free time too.

Take the baby. I took one of mine to a wedding at a similar age and it was fine.

One of the reasons you're getting flack OP is that you sound rather derogatory with the "psychological barrier" and "no support network" stuff. As if there is an issue with either.

Slightly understandable if you feel defensive, but women not wanting to leave their small babies isn't a "psychological barrier" - it's a natural enough want to spend time with your children. Just as much as it is to want to get away from them.

Personally, having a tiny baby was an excellent excuse to skive tedious family parties and spend more time doing what I loved - walking in the outdoors. But if you don't want to do that, I don't think you have a psychological barrier. I think you just don't want to do that.

And my support network have bonded just fine with the baby without having those early care experiences either.

I have always happily left my kids with grandparents to do errands from a very young age. With breastfeeding though I would find it uncomfortable to be away for long until 6 months plus. Even at 10 months going back to work I found it tricky with engorgement to leave for 9/10 hours. Are you planning to pump or are you combi feeding?

I can see how the journey would put you off as mine hated the car at that age. However as it's a family wedding I'd still bring the baby if I could to see extended family. Presumably your husband could walk him round in the pram for a nap?

I’d definitely take him then. I know he’s not a toy but there would be so many people disappointed not to see him/maybe first time meeting him, compared to someone who already plays a huge part in his life.

It’s entirely up to you and your partner whether you’re happy to leave him all day and irrelevant here really.

It’s a comparison between elderly members of your family that may never get the chance to see him again, against MIL who sees him very regularly and it would be very unfair of her to put pressure on you to leave him for that very reason.
It’s totally clear-cut to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is totally up to you. Personally I couldn’t be away from my small baby for longer than an hour or so at that stage (just feels weird, like my arm has been cut off!) but if you’re fine with it then do what works for you. Don’t let other people’s preferences come into it.

I couldn't have left mine so long at that age. I was breastfeeding. Although breastfeeding makes it easier in a way, to take a baby places, as you don't need any feeding equipment, just a dress/outfit with easy access.
Aside from breastfeeding - I also wouldn't have wanted to leave them TBH.
We took my oldest to a wedding when he was around 5 months and he had a lovely time. Everyone wanted to hold him and he napped on a lovely friend of a friend so I still got to enjoy myself and have some freedom.

That said if you are happy to leave yours, and have someone you trust to leave them with - then go for it! Each to their own.

I wouldn’t have left mine either at that age, but if you are comfortable to do so, then do. At that age I wanted to be with them 24-7 but certainly did leave them for mini breaks etc, but not under 1. I guess just mother’s instinct / desire to be near her baby all the time. As you can see, most others feel the same but guess your set up is different and you do feel comfortable to leave baby, so go and have an easier day. Especially as MIL is comfortable to have baby.

I would be happy to go to the wedding without the baby. I took my 10 week old to a family wedding as I had no one to leave him with.
It was dreadful, I missed most of the wedding as he was fussing, cluster feeding and didn't want to be passed around to all the relatives who wanted to play pass the parcel with him. They then took offence and DH was nowhere to be seen!
If you are happy with MIL looking after the baby, then I would be happy to go.
Perhaps do the groundwork with your family so that they know not to expect the baby and then aren't disappointed when you turn up.

I physically couldn't leave my baby at that age. I would have hated every second of being away!

I thought this too.

To be fair, this line of conversation only started when a few people jumped in and told OP how they just couldn't possibly leave their baby at that age, some comments clearly full of judgement.

Of course OP is going to react to that.

I couldn't leave as mine were breastfed. The big factor for you is the journey. I thought the guidelines were no longer than one hour in a car seat? So that 3 hours would need to be more like 5 as you stop for breaks every hour and take baby out of the seat for a bit.

The length of the journey would put me off taking a baby.

I left my son aged about 10 weeks with my Mum so that I could go on school trip with my other who had just started reception.It was a long day so I left baby at 8am and not home until 5ish.
Baby was absolutely fine, Grandma happy,other son enjoyed having me spending time with him all day.Everyone happy.I called my Mum a couple of times just to check in and I was very comfortable with the arrangement.
People on this thread urging you to take baby are obviously ok about a baby being in a car seat for hours ,the noise etc .
I personally think baby will be better off ,safer at home with Grandma.

Yep had 9 babies and every one been happy to leave for a few hours with parents, does baby good tbh much less clingy if there used to many loving them. I would enjoy a day out and some together time with your other half because that relationship is just as important to maintain that's probably why I'm still married after 25 years lol..
Our youngest is 2 oldest 16 and rest in-between and they all have lovely grandparent, in-laws,uncles aunts etc relationships now and never had any bother them starting school with separation anxiety

Who gives a fuck what other people think? YOU are the mother, YOU are the one who will be tasked with the hassles. YOU decide and only you.

They'll get over it, and if they don't that also falls into the who gives a fuck basket.

I wouldn't have with my first but with my second I think I would have in your situation! I'm sure your Mil will absolutely love to have the baby to herself too and will have a brilliant day with them.

To answer your question as to why some parents don’t want to be away from their 3 month old for almost a whole day, even with trusted family - because they’ve been outside you less time than inside you. And so most mums still have the hormonal, post partum urge to be around their baby. In South East Asian, like South Asian culture where I’m from, babies are treated as communal property with the instincts/urges/needs of the mother-baby bond not always respected or nurtured. I know of some families where they breastfeed each others children too which I find really weird personally. It’s not better or worse than other cultures, just different. But statistically children are also most at risk of abuse by a family member or close friend of the family, so the instinct to be close to your baby makes sense as an evolutionary tool.

You can of course leave bab with MIL but it shouldn’t be this surprising that there are posters who wouldn’t - and it isn’t about not having close family support other than partners.