Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

A little unrelated but comments like this need to be caveated.

As the mother of a baby who spent their first few weeks in NICU (parents couldn't sleep over and I have two other DC) I spent at least 10 hours away from my newborn every night for over two weeks. Albeit not my choice but no lasting damage was done and I have a wonderful attachment with my not so little one now.

I think it depends majorly on the baby though.

DC1 - I could have left in the OP's circumstances no problem (DC1 was a dream)
DC2 - not a chance, that one was attached 24/7 for their first 6 months
DC3 - as mentioned above was left for 10+ hours every night in neonatal from 48h old.

What if the very young baby misses you and becomes very sad?

Can you take MIL with you? Have baby cared for during the vows and for the later part ofthe reception?

I wouldn't leave baby home.

Also utilise MIL for an hour or two while you are packing and preening for the wedding.

OP I am from SE Asia too and there would def be surprise at not bringing the baby. Will any of the many primary caregivers your baby has be at the wedding to share the load? I would find that more relaxing at three months than being away from my baby, even if he were home with his amazing dad.

For me it was a natural instinctive bond ?maternal. I would feel sad to be apart for so long then. It’s personal I guess.

By

You’ve said the reason to leave the bay is primarily because MIL insists.
You’ve said the reason to take the baby is because other family members insist.

But what do YOU want to do?

For a wedding where the baby is fully accepted to be there, I'd take the baby.
For a child free wedding or one where accepted but preferred not, then I'd enjoy the child free time.
I did both when DS was under 3 months. Each has its own merits and negatives. Each as enjoyable as the other for different reasons.
Some people would do it, others wouldn't. Neither is right or wrong. Its just a difference in opinion.

Hey @Helpboat
I think do what suits you.

If you do go just
get a nuby rapid cool (you can just rinse with.boiling watrr and put the lid on between uses...
bring 6 empty sterilised bottles for the day...
And powder dispensers these are the best imo
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.homebirthsupplies.co.uk/NUK-Stackable-Baby-Milk-Powder-Dispenser&ved=2ahUKEwjvsJaNi7uTAxX7QEEAHZbLOrAQFnoFCIIBEAE&usg=AOvVaw0FuMGJI8L1WUilNoMXG_Av

I would be happy to leave baby but equally showing them off is nice too!!!

Nope I've bottle fed one and breastfed 2 and it's not made the slightest bit of difference
My DD breastfed one for 2 years and the other 2 days and still been happy to leave both of them

Absolutely nothing, dear. For all you know I could be an AI bot.

I didn't say anything superior I just noted there was a difference in feeding method and that might have affected how I felt about my child compared to how others feel who are happy to leave their child. Because when only you can feed your child, and you are doing it from your own body, it is different when you are thinking about leaving them with someone else.

I was mostly addressing her statement that it was about not having supportive family around, as that generally isn't the issue for women who don't want to leave their babies.

Regardless, I said that OP should put herself first and do what feels right to her in this situation.

I didn't, I just noted there is a difference between my feeding method and the OPs and wondered if that might have made a difference to how I felt.

I think the OP should do what works for her, as I said already.

Its perfectly natural for mothers to want to be close to their babies. I wouldn't leave a 3 months old all day, I'd feel uncomfortable, for the same reason I wouldn't leave a newborn, or wouldn't leave a child for a month while I went on holiday. It's your baby, you keep them close.

I also can't imagine going back to work after 4 weeks and leaving my baby in nursery all day 5 days a week. But people do that.

You've asked people for their opinion of what they would do then are acting like they're not answering the question. Most people wouldn't leave their baby with anyone, not even dad, for a full day to be 3hrs away. It's not about who they're with it's about a mother wanting to be with her newborn. Like how people don't like visitors right away, or wouldn't want someone else to be the first to hold their baby. Or get upset people won't hand their crying baby back. Mothers are typically possessive of their babies.

Personally I wouldn't do either. I wouldn't take a baby 3hrs drive away, that's a long drive for a tiny baby and not safe unless you have a completely lay flat seat. I leave them becuase i wouldn't want to be be 3hrs away from my baby for a whole day. I wouldn't fully engage with my family, I'd be thinking about my baby and wanting to go home. I just wouldn't go. If it was someone very very important, like my own wedding, I'd make a whole weekend of it get a hotel the night before and of so its not one very busy day for everyone.

@Malinia More rubbish on this thread from “superior” mums. We bond! Dc go to nurseries at 3 months and they don’t have to be with mum for 24/7/365. Everyone is so overbearing on here.

I took my twins at 12 weeks to my SILs wedding. My mum and dad picked them up and had them overnight. I really needed that sleep!

I would go and enjoy the rest ... or, hire a room for MIL a d have best if both worlds

Nonsense, don't start turning this into a breast v bottle feeding issue.

It's not that. It's that I felt physically bereft if I was apart from my babies. I didn't leave them even with their dad for the first six months. I was breastfeeding so maybe that changes the bond you have, but I would have felt physically sick and anxious if I had had to leave my baby at that age. I felt extremely attached to them, and they to me (as is biologically normal at that age).

In your situation, I would just decide what you want to do and then do it. Never mind what other people's expectations might be.

We went to a wedding without DS when he was three and a half months. He was with his grandparents who adore him and who can be completely trusted with him. I picked him up out of his cot in the morning and there was no reaction other than his usual delight in seeing me!

See isn’t it interesting how we are all different and there is no right or wrong answer.

For me the no brainer is to leave the baby 🤷‍♀️