What fresh hell is this

My daughter is 6 weeks old and I’m already dreading this stage 😂 sending you love, my mom is going through the exact same now with my 13 year old sister

This is the warm up for year 9!

Year 7 was horrific for my DD-I watched my confident, quirky, friendly girl shrink into herself and try to be like everyone else was-all the girls were jostling for friendship groups and it was just brutal . They were horrible to each other. It all seemed to settle a bit by year 8, and she’s year 9 now with a solid group of friends who just get on with their own thing.
The stories she comes home with tho 😨 I have to keep reminding myself they’re only 14, some of this stuff I didn’t even know about until I was 18 or older 😮

I found it all got much better when they leave home😂

Mum of 5 here. Yr 9 we lovingly refer to as the ‘dickhead’ year as mine just became raging bags of hormones with attitudes, friend dramas, suddenly interested in the opposite sex which causes even more dramas and then shot up to roughly 8ft high ‘independent’ semi adults who still always need a lift somewhere and a tenner to go with it 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ challenging but it does calm down

My three girls were never rude or unkind to me during those hellish years but I still struggled with their friends, the teachers, the other parents and their father. The day my youngest left and I was free was genuinely one of the happiest of my life. And that was in the very early days of social media.

All I can say is to have faith that the wonderful person who is your child is still in there, needing you more than ever. She’ll be back. Just make sure she knows you are always on her side. Good luck 🙂

My year 7 DD has def changed since starting high school.

She was mostly OK at primary and was happy and sociable, she enjoyed taking part in activities including dancing. Since high school, she's become more awkward. Hates the noisy atmosphere. Doesnt like speaking out in class, wont do presentations and her concentration in most classes has got worse. She started her periods just before high school aswell, so she's had a lot of change in a short space of time. She def seems grumpier lately. Ah the fun of pubity.

I had the most wonderful parents , the most privileged life and yet I was a full on angsty teenage emo ! Would listen to all this very emotionally heavy music (I still do to be honest) and truly thought I had it all so hard. What I would do to go back to such easy days!!!

DS was awful from about 12 to 15. Then he turned 16 and he’s an absolute joy again, it does get better!

I work in a First school so children from Foundation to Year 4...the Year 4's, without fail, come Easter, suddenly turn into feral, emotional, sulky children! The girls squabble constantly, and the boys seem to become argumentive and they all become 'too big for their boots'!! It's hell until they leave in July!! 🤣🤣 I couldn't work in a secondary school!! 😱😱

I bet it’s fascinating?

I have 3 boys but didn’t really get this - is it a girl thing?

I work in an all girls school, it’s wild! Year 9 is the worst, after that most of them turn a corner and become lovely humans. I love working with the seniors (16 and 17 year olds)!

I feel you on this, I have two boys then a girl. My boys sailed through high school, no drama. DD is now S3 and had 3 different best friends following dramatic fallouts by halfway through S2. Girl friendships are insane.

@GardeningMummy While it's good to have a back up plan, don't write off secondary for her.

I was dreading the transition for my son. He was at a primary with less than 50 kids into a 1500 secondary with a 15 mile bus journey.

But he much prefers it. He likes the timetable and knowing exactly what is coming each day. Think he zones out from some of the chaos.

A fair bit is luck and them getting the right class for friendship etc. Several of my son's new friends have autism too. There's a much bigger pool to choose from in terms of finding their people.

It may all go wrong yet but so far it's gone better than I'd ever expected. Like you, I was terrified.

So I'd keep your options open and see how it goes.

It horrid but I’ve been waiting and expecting my DS’s to go feral because that’s what teens do, but so far they’ve been fine.
DS1 is in yr11. Sailed through school re friendships, no drama at all. He’s very laid back and nothing really seems to bother him which I think gets him a long way. He still talks to me and DH, happy to spend time with us (though would rather spend time with his friends). Definitely thinks he knows more than he does but is not completely unreasonable. The vast majority of his friends are also lovely. Polite, initiate a conversation with me if they come over.
DS2 is in yr9. Definitely more dramatic personality-wise and more of a grunter but still not awful. From his side of the story, he’s has friends who have then behaved like idiots so he’s moved on to another group. No major dramas, he’s just got on with it. He does have friends. I worry about him more but he he’s always insisted he’s fine and I have no real reason not to believe him.

So it doesn’t always have to be awful, though I appreciate I’m not through it yet!

Mine started high school in September and I haven't had the same experience as OP

But my child is challenging at home anyway and has been challenging for some years. Is this why it's different then??

I don't feel she's changed since high school

I actually feel she's had far less friend dramas at high school than she had in the later years of primary. Not much friendship issues in high school.

I've had 2 mums make issues with me since high school. One made be really upset actually. Before this I had no mum make any issues with me. So I wasn't expecting it.

Welcome to the club! DD had a Mother's Day tea at her school and ALL the children were mortified to actually have mothers.

Year 7 is first year so S1 in terms of transition etc but they move up at age 11 rather that 12 (ISH).

So you got an extra year of a nice primary child!

My experience is that it's a fucking shit show. Two girls. Another 2.5 years to go. Fc I survive!

I was really fortunate with my kids pre phones thankfully, except one d she knew everything, and was very difficult, but that's another thread in itself as she left home at 18 still acting like her 13 year old self.

Year 8 is the low point. Kids huddle together in big friendship groups in year 7, then in year 8 they realise they really don't like half the group, but the half they don't like is slightly different to the half someone else likes, so they fracture off into little factions within the group, then there's a big argument and the group shatters.

I'm in same boat re Yr 6 DD. I keep theatening to withdraw her.