What fresh hell is this

That is a very good point and puberty is part of the problem with secondary school along with:

• all the new people (teachers and other children) many of who are awful,
• the intensity of the increased workload,
• the constant fear of standing out too much.

It's like a horrible trial by fire but a good learning experience for life that toughest you up. I told my children it would be the worst 5 years but once they got though it everything would be easier.

I did well at secondary school. I excelled academically and had good friends. However, 40 years later I still have occasional bad dreams that I'm back there and look back on it as a hideous time in my life.

The secondary school visits I did with my children brought it all back I think (shudder).

Yeah it's mental. My very quiet bookish Y7 now rages about hating school, hating maths homework, hating this friend or that one... The good kids all seem to be constantly punished for minor things - like odd socks. The is a level of fear drummed into these kids which makes them anxious and terrified about school.

I used to have to listen to parents complaining about how awful their lovely child has become since starting High School and what were we, the school, going to do about it! It's an unfortunate clash of dates however where starting High School at 11 and puberty for most collide and it really isn't the school's fault.

I promise they do come out of it!!
mine are 28 and 22 now and they’re nice people again 😂 just stay firm and no means no!! But being a Scottish mama like myself we both know that we are the boss!!!

Yes this happened to dd1. Totally out of the blue - she thought she was in a little group of 4 including her bf since reception but one totally turned on her with no reason and no warning. Her bf wanted to stay friends with both but was in class with horrid girl and some of the other popular girls so whilst she still saw dd out of school and tried hard to keep that friendship there, she did pick a side. 4th girl just loved the drama. I also remember coming home and dd sobbing like a baby on me for hours.

it turned out ok - horrid girl moved away, 4th girl drifted off to another group, bf and dd made up and bf was pretty contrite- they are still bfs now but dd doesn’t put all her eggs in that basket and grew other groups through hobbies out of school. Dd is very resilient and doesn’t put up with shite. I also found out bfs mum had a huge go at bf and told her she was a crap friend so that helped and if dd laughs at the fact that horrid girls first boyfriend decided he was gay straight after their first kiss, well…..

Same here, currently aged 14 and no real issues yet!

Don't they just. Year 9 girls and brutal and I have one.... 😩

I remember going up to big school at eleven and being a fish out of water. We were actually given homework on the first day and I had taken in absolutely nothing during the classes. I was so tired and I had to stay for 'school dinners' which were disgusting. The entire experience was traumatic. I stopped being fun and got into all sorts of trouble at school.

It wasn't like that for everyone though, some people just slotted in and carried on as normal.

Hopefully your girl will knuckle down next year.

("jesus fucking christ" - was that necessary?)

Mine gave me a false sense of security in their school years. They started to becoming difficult between the years of 18 and 20 when I could do nothing because they were ‘adults’ 🙄🙄🙄

You'll probably be okay because he's a boy, I've got three and I've never had any problems with them at all through secondary school.

All through university in fact or finding jobs they're an absolute delight.

You'll probably be okay because he's a boy, I've got three and I've never had any problems with them at all through secondary school.

All through university in fact or finding jobs they're an absolute delight.

I was coming on to say brace for year 9!

I feel I've been lucky with my year 8 DS who has genuinely thrived in secondary. He has matured so much and is a confident, lovely lady with a great group of friends and a wide range of interests.

But DD is in year 5 and OH MY GOD the drama. She is currently being pushed out of her friendship group by a little toerag and it has caused so much hurt. I'm honestly dreading secondary school for her.

Does it make any difference if private or state? The state secondary DS goes to is actually very good. But we could stretch to placing DD in private. Unfortunately we are semi rural and the nearest one is a 45 minutes drive.

It was all a fucking nightmare for us with an AuDHD daughter.
Kids struggle enough when they are neurotypical-so it was even harder.
She managed about 85% attendance, refused PE & ‘form’ - and did zero (and I mean zero) work during Covid lockdowns.
How she pulled out 7 GCSE passes is beyond me.
The biggest issue was school promising -then not fulfilling their end of the agreement.
Plus girls are such utter bitches! It was bad when I was at school but by God, social media has made it so so much worse.
Don hands hats and buckle up ladies - it’s a bumpy ride!
((She has come through the other side. College was horrific and she had no option but to drop out. She can’t get a job for love nor money but my funny girl is coming back)).

I have PTSD from DD in year 9. Not much of an exaggeration- things were so constantly dreadful that DS (who is a very different, quiet, chilled lad) recently sat me down looking worried and said he had something to tell me- I had a full on panic reaction. Went dizzy, felt sick, apparently went pale, felt physically sick, had to sit down.
He’d lost his scientific calculator!

This is YEARS later. Year 9 DD broke me.

(DD now 20. Second year of university. Still extraordinarily “spirited” and forceful but as a 20 year old woman her confidence , independence and refusal to take shit from anyone is rather glorious to watch. Difficult to manage in a 13/14 year old though….!)

It's easier when they go to Uni. I struggled with sixth form. The change in pressure from the school from GCSE's to A levels is tough on kids, then add in learning to drive and the worry of them getting home in their mate's cars, girlfriends, boyfriends, UCAS, work experience, part time jobs...its all alot which leads to grumpy DC imo

Year 7 was painful, year 9 they all seem to become defiant monsters. Year 10 and 11 all smooth!

My daughter had a much harder time in S1 than (so far) S2... S1 was a wild time (she's also autistic so soooo much change and sooo much drama was a lot). I think just being used to the carnage made for a better year this time (fingers crossed!!)

Really?
My year 7 DS just got really tall, found a decent group of mates, got a girlfriend, got a deep voice, grew hair everywhere and stinks.
He has been earmarked for prefect and head boy when he gets there.
Luckily he showers 2x daily, but otherwise he’s his usual lovely self, apart from the autism rages which he can’t help and he always apologises for.
Mind you, his secondary is amazing and super supportive which he’s never had from a school before, so maybe that’s still to come?

3, now adult DC (30, 21&19 BBG), from a small sample group, I think girls have a far harder secondary school experience than boys. I was fortunate DD was a fairly strong character because around year 9 a lot of her friend group seemed to change dramatically.

Many seemed to lose interest in the academic side of school and only cared about being cool and the male species.

DD always had a career goal and knew she'd need 8&9s at GCSE. It must have been hard for her, but she changed her entire friend group with a much smaller (less popular) one from her science classes. They went on to 6th form together (the old friend group seem to be working in shops), and are still close, regularly visiting each other at university or meeting up if they're home at the same time.

You are right that it's awful. I think I was fortunate DD didn't turn into a monster or typical teen, but I did see it a lot in others.

I have a DD in S2 and it's brutal. Thankfully she doesn't get in trouble at school, has an okay group of friends (not the worst from what i hear) but her as a person, completely changed.
Her attitude is rotten :-(

Y9 was what killed me in teacher training. Boys school, so apparently worse than all girls and/or co-ed, but I decided it wasn’t for me after a term with them. My kids hit walls in y9 with bullying/friendship dynamics, classroom disruption. Wish school and parents could have more guidance about how to manage this age group, they made a swarm of rabid zombies seem quite manageable and benign by comparison!

We're currently at the coalface of dd1 in year 8, please tell me it won't get worse!! Don't kill my delusion 😵😵‍💫

Mine never returned to ‘normal’. She’s 25 now and I miss her so much. Can’t look at childhood photos because it’s too devastating. We were so close.

Solidarity - I have DSs in Year 7 and Year 9 and I am struggling!!! I cried last night in bed and I NEVER cry.