What fresh hell is this

Karma has done her work here too. Dd is now year 12 and massively popular with legions of lovely friends and a great boyfriend. She is invited to every party going. The other girl ….not so much.

This happened to my DD too and it was horrible. So called best friend just turned on her for no reason and tried to isolate her from everybody. She felt like she had nobody. Not a nice experience at all. We were devastated. I'm great believer in karma though....and within a few short months things totally did a 360 and everyone got fed up of the ring leader girl and she was left on her own as nobody wanted to deal with her bull shit behaviour anymore.
To this day I dont know why she did it! It was a horrible time.

God I'm so sorry - this is awful. It's the worst pain isn't it? For them and for you. I'm so pleased to read your DD is now thriving. Something similar happened to my DD - she now has a solid group of lovely friends who really look out for each other whilst the nasty c ow moves from group to group and cannot seem to form any genuine friendships. So rest assured that your DD should not spend a second wondering what she did wrong. It was nothing to do with her....xx

If she’s started senior school, then buckle up for a hellish couple of years. It’s all hormones and stroppy behaviour. Most do grow out of it though. 👍

Same here re starting highers at 15 and sitting the final exams at 16! And I tend to agree that I'd always thought our system was positive because kids started formal schooling a bit later, but also that it's not great that they're being put through exams at such a young age! As my kids get older I'm realising that educational outcomes aren't great in Scotland. I think curriculum for excellence has a lot to answer for.

Feel really lucky. I was dreading the teenage years because I was an utter pig as a teen. Tbf I had my reasons, my childhood was abusive and I was desperate to get away. I was terrified my DD’s would start throwing tantrums again as they did when they were small- that we’d have lots of shouting, slamming doors etc. They’ve been super chill so far. 14 and 15, in year 9 and 10 so I guess there’s time…

I was actually 15 when I started my highers because I was one of the youngest in the year! Exams were after I turned 16 though.

I'm now going to go down a rabbit hole and see what the differences are in terms of achievement. I've always thought that going to school when you've just turned 4 that summer was too young compared to ours needing to be at least 4.5, but I think being older when you sit exams might be more helpful. Interesting.

That's ok 😂 I know it's a bit off-topic, but the discussion about how OP's level at school relates to the English system has been a bit of an eye-opener for me! Like your son I was 15 when I did my standard grades, 16 when I did my first set of highers and then I was 17 when I went off to university (with my fake ID in my pocket 😂). Our school also does accelerated Nat5s so some kids will sit them in S3 when most of them will still be only 14. Until I got involved in this thread I couldn't get my head round how my niece who lives in England and turned 15 last year won't sit her GSCEs until May 2027!

OP - hang in there! My kids are younger, but I have heard that S2 is the worst and by the time they're in S5 they've largely reverted to being human again.

@GlasgowGal2014 I didn't read your username and have just explained to a Scottish person how our kids are younger 😂Sorry!

I had no idea England had an extra year at secondary!

My son did his Nat 5s (equivalent to GCSE grades 4-9 I've just found out!) age 15, and now he'll do his highers age 16, and he's one of the oldest in his year!

I went to university as a mature student and I remember some of them talking about having to get fake ID's for freshers week.

No drama here, thankfully. DS is yr 9. Maybe because it’s an all boys school, or maybe because it’s a selective school. Maybe both! I feel lucky though.

Mine have always been quite nice and pretty much all Bar one of my friends kids are nice again post 16.

I used to host Italian girl teens and dreaded 13-14 - 16 plus were soooo much easier. Must be hormonal.

I went to an all girls grammar that thought it was "exclusive" and the negative effect it had on my self-esteem has shaped my whole life. Constant criticism, my apparently endless stupidity and lack of any discernible talent were all I ever heard about. When I applied to college and was accepted the interviewers fed back to me that they could not get over the contrast between how I came across and the things the school had said about me. Apparently I had "substandard intelligence" and was "not grammar school" material" So my experience informed the way I approached my child's secondary school experience. I boosted their self esteem, focused on all their talents including the non academic ones such as emotional intelligence, kindness and communication skills. Had a couple of years when they found me an embarrassment but that is part of being a teenager. These was all in the days prior to social media and my heart goes out to parents trying to manage this and the way it seems to permeate all aspects of life. I live ner a couple of secondary schools and the whole area is aware of when the kids come out, they seem to take over the pavements, the local shops and the buses, terrifying! They look like adults but of course they are all still so young. Good luck everyone

I can relate to that—the teenage years were more difficult for me.

She will come out of it when she is about 16 from my lived experience and will be fine and do well.

All I can say is, wait for yr 9 to kick in!

good luck, pick your battles and don’t get stressed because it’s not worth it…

Different kids have different experiences and some parents will experience more dramas than others. Our older two had such a huge impact from Covid lockdowns on their high school experience that it's really hard to separate the two. My youngest went from being a gentle dreamy clown to being more of a laddish banter comedian, he's still himself but more toned down in some ways and more full of himself in other ways. His older brother went from being a quiet kid to being a very quiet teen, he's got friends and is respected by his peers but it's mad trying to do that balance of having really different personalities in the house.

@WearyAuldWumman - thanks! I think it will keep getting easier honestly. She's very excited for S3 as she's picked all the most difficult classes she could find - she's hoping there will be more children who are there to learn and less of those looking for trouble (fingers crossed!)

She started her period a month after starting 'and' her best friend went to private school 'and' they're building a new school so it's really noisy and chaotic all the time 'and' she was put into a class with 20 boys and 6 girls so there was a lot to unpick. We had to get some private therapy and such for her as it was so, so hard. But I think it will only get better from here as she gets more used to it - and I also think she probably will enjoy her 20s a lot more than her teens (as did I!).

Oh, yes. Starting high school is such a huge change, particularly for those on the spectrum.

When I was still teaching, we'd try to be gentle with children in that position but it could be so scary for them.

I recall that we once had twins where we were told that one was autistic. It was pretty clear to me when they arrived that both were. (N.D. runs in my mum's side of the family. My only formal diagnosis is OCD, but it's since been suggested that there's ASDS and ADHD.)

One was more independent and I recall that the parent asked us to separate them because one twin was relying too much on the other - and I think it had been easier for primary just to let one sibling do everything for the other.

We did as we were asked and provided support, but—by gum—I remember thinking that the twin who was being forced to function without their twin for the first time in their life must be the bravest person I'd ever seen. I remember seeing how distressed she was by noise, etc.

I'm glad that S2 is working out better for your daughter.

I recall that in my case, S2 was better than S1 because in those days there was more selection at that stage and I was moved into a more 'academic' group for some subjects. (I still shudder at the memory of the P.E. Department, however.)

Very best wishes to your daughter. I do have some understanding of what it's like from the pupil's point of view.

Absolutely fine for my two (boys) too.

Kept their friendships going, no fallings out or fighting, never did more than grunt every so often when we'd laugh at them and they'd be back to their usual selves.

The school they went to wasn't one of the best (some MNers would be appalled) but they got on with it, got the grades they needed and are now both at the Universities of their choice 😀

Can’t relate. Have a son in year 11, a daughter in year 9. They go to an inner city state school. They just get on with it. Yes there’s stories, it’s a state school after all, but it doesn’t affect them.

Daughter picked a low drama friendship group thank god. Son has a wide variety of friends. He’s a lad, likes his football, so again, just gets on with it. Both doing well academically, my son, exceptionally so. He is 16, he can sometimes be rude or entitled at home but nothing major. He is soon pulled into line again.

14 year old DD can get moody just before her period but she’s like clock work bless and I just give her space and low demands for that particular week.

They start upper school at the equivalent of year 9 in my country which seems to delay this change but my god it happens quickly when they move schools. DD lost her entire friend group because everyone changed so much - the girl she had walked to school with every day talking about all the ways they'd improve the world when they grow up since 2nd grade, who was the nicest kindest child, turned into someone else entirely and joined the crowd of vaping bullies . DD has changed a lot too but thankfully is still fairly nice and communicative (she still tells me everything about her day, which is lovely) but she's had so much trouble with friends and bullies these past nearly two years.

I'm sure I didn't change that much as a teenager, nor did I really get involved in the friendship drama (my friends were always splitting up into different groups but I tried to stay friendly with everyone), nor did I really give my parents much grief (and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with them throughout adolescence) so don't think its entirely inevitable with teenagers but just extremely common.

My experience of feral teenage girl bullies is one of the reasons i have never had kids.

I found it a breeze compared to primary. Dd1 in particular always falling out with friends. In secondary I just took a step back but a realise it's not that easy for everyone

Y10 here. I’m hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though.
I hope that’s what it is

Yip. When my DD hit 13 (also scottish high school), it was hellish. Girls are horrors and the boys not much better and throw hormones into the mix - it’s wild. But it will get better, just try to keep communicating with her and not judge when she tells you stuff (easier said than done right!) my 18yr old is a delight now! Godspeed ❤️