What fresh hell is this

Sorry this made me laugh

My youngest starts Year 7 in September. Having experienced it with his brother, I know by December my loving, bubbly, polite and cute as a button little guy will have it all drained out of him and he will be someone I don’t know or recognise. The shift is huge. They literally knock their childhood out of them. Year 9 is hormonal hell!!!

If it’s any consolation, it’s not always bad! I wasn’t a bad teen, but I did go off the rails in my 20s…hard! I just never wanted to let my Mum down - if I did anything disappointing she would run a bath, sit in it for hours and cry. Also no boys fancied me as a teenager which I am so thankful for as it kept my out of trouble (until I hit my 20s).

First child is also a girl.

First child Y8 - Y10 were pretty horrible 😭.

Second child (boy) absolutely fine and lovely throughout. 😇

Third child (girl) has basically been dragged up. She’s ok overall, buf can be lazy. Some drama in Y9, but ok after that!

Both my girls have been fairly spitefully dumped by primary school friends in year 7 - they haven’t learned the art of the quiet fade yet so they have to split up with a bang. They establish a pecking order in a new place and it can give their sense of self a real battering. My oldest has been up and down difficult since, younger daughter still in the thick of it but has a much bigger personality and more friends so seems to be holding her own….it is really hard!

When you gave birth didn’t that little red book come attached
explaining the hell you are going to face when they become teens 😱,and the option to return your precious gift. 😂

Sorry that I'm so late in replying to this.

"Suddenly i have become "weird" and "embarrasing""

Then just lean in to it.

Here is a youtube short of parents (in America) picking up their children from school and being "embarrasing"

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FPrA_Iwdg0o

I had god awful toddler years with dd, so her teen years have been a piece of piss.

Both dc lost friends starting secondary, largely because they behave and don't want to get involved in shit.

Ds had a pretty tough time fitting in in ks3 and he's never found his tribe. Hoping 6th form will work for him. Dd would like to be cool, but cool=naughty in their school, so she's too scared.

We're fairly easy going parents, but even then, I've been amazed at the lack of attitude from them both. Although we were strict when they were little, and they know I'd wipe the floor with them off they tried to be twats. I can be quite unpredictable in my responses, which keeps them slightly wary.

My daughter is year 8 and it has been absolute he'll. SEN child but managed primary really well even received good SATS grades and attendance was always high.
Currently battling emotionally based school avoidance, absolute sobbing meltdowns, featal position of a morning wearing just school shirt and a pair of pants as putting the shirt on alone is that triggering...... I did not foresee the transition from primary to secondary being this hard.
Did have EHC needs assessment mediation with Local Authority yesterday who have agreed to assess 🎉, so praying a full plan is given and i can find another provision for her.
So any parents of SEN children in primary, even if they are doing well now..... prepare yourself if your child is going to s mainstream secondary

It does get better! I’ve had a son go through high school with no dramas, a daughter there currently- 2nd & 3rd wtf was that 🤯 she’s finally settled & on track to do really well in her exams this year! Nat 5 in all her subjects & is staying on to do 5th & 6th year- honestly the way she was going I would never have guessed this would happen. Youngest son starts this August so waiting to see what that brings! 😂

Its incredibly offensive to anyone that's Christian.

Has anyone else had a delightful, easy DS all the way through secondary school but then it’s gone to shit in sixth form? Mine was pretty great all the way up to doing his GCSEs last summer and since then we’ve had all the angst, mental health issues, lack of motivation, back chat, grumpiness, generally just descending into the typical teenage stuff that I was warned about but didn’t materialise when I expected it to. It’s knocked me for six because he was always so cheerful and easy going. (And yes, I’ve got him in therapy for the mental health stuff and am being supportive before anyone asks).

Why not? They’re just words.

I sympathise - but need to say, there are Christians on here so would appreciate holding back on the swearing using holy names.

Hang on in there, it does get better. My eldest was quite the nightmare. But eventually, he got his head together and is now a fabulous young man. Good luck!

Sorry for you but do you really have to put Jesus and the F word together!

Yep - it was actually yr 8 and the first part of yr 9 which were most difficult for my YPs (and looking back, for me). (2nd and 3rd year of secondary in old money). Things did start to calm down after that. Seeing your DCs suffering socially and getting their feelings hurt is probably one of the most painful and difficult parts of parenting. It does pass.

Im going through it .. for a 4th time.

Many years ago my eldest flew through it (she is 38 this year) then 2 years after her my 2nd daughter went through it ... during 2000 .. she was a bit different than my 1st ... think EMO stage, black hair (original blonde) then red hair, blue hair, green (u get the picture) then piercings, left & right side of mouth, nose (ine of those bull rings) big horrible holes in her lobes, urghh! (Thank goodness she grew out of that and they managed to close up ok)

Then, when number 1 moved out aged 22, the other one still at home aged 20 ... we decided it would be fun to adopt 2 kids (siblings) and start allllll over again.

Our son who is now 17 (adopted age 4) went thru high school like a bull at a gate - always had mates around, popular boy so all good.

His sister however .. now 15 (adopted age 2) oh hellllll on earth! Always fighting (not physically thank god) then best mates next day, came home with hickie on her neck 2 weeks ago .. suffice to say that didnt go down well with her dad. Short skirts, make up, false eyelashes & nails, tanned ... im not sure if I preferred the Emo stage with my 2nd 🤣

There should be a health & safety warning on teenagers .. its definitely a girl thing!

Still - it was a fab idea at the time lol. I feel your pain ..

I'm so happy to read this. Mine had a similar experience at these points so hoping university is better for her 🤞

Agree. My DD would come home with stories of incidents at school which sounded like she was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. All girls serious MH stuff.

YY to this! At what point does the shattering happen usually and how do they regroup after?

It’s really interesting to read all the comments from other mums and the ages of their children and what their behaviour is like in each year of secondary school. I’m a mum of two now under three years of age so not yet in that school phase but I remember my own days in school as it wasn’t long ago, about 14 years ago I was in year 9 and it was so hard, my relationship with my parents during that time, my mood swings, my anger, omg my anger! And we didn’t have social media like we do today, all the pressures of today’s society but still it was hard. I had sooooo many emotions and felt like no one understood me, and especially my parents were the least understanding of all. I thought I know best about everything (haha so stupid) looking back now I think I was so wild and gave my mum such a difficult time and I’m very regretful. I think having a strong foundation at home and a good relationship with parents is so important in helping teenagers in those times. I think accepting feelings, truly accepting them and empathising instead of scolding and lecturing and blaming and being sarcastic and everything else we do to children is so much better for them. I think as adults it’s really hard to navigate these trenches when we’re going through our own stuff with husbands/partners/parents/family and friends etc, and kids tend to be easy targets for us because we feel in a position of power when in our relationships with others we feel helpless and unable to control anything in our favour.
I’m reading some great books by Adele faber on this, how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk, and it’s helped me immensely, I’m determined to break the cycle!
Power to all you mums going through the hardships, you’ve got this

It’s bad enough with boys … lol .. mine are older now with their own families ❤️but I will say things could calm down by 18 and I know this seems like forever … but it does come around .. meanwhile .. o wish your the best as I’ve heard girls are worse but .. boys do have their issues and I had some extremely difficult times with them .. they had been through a few bereavements too so be mindful of the stress that although not a bereavement they are sort of leaving their old school days behind for a more mature environment and regimented .. it will be a shock and they will have loads and life Is more exposed these days .. my hygienist funnily enough said that her niece has turned into a hormonal girl and says “ nobody loves me “ … it’s a bewildering time and they will take it out on their loved ones .. it’s a safe space .. I remember almost trashing my bedroom I was so stressed aged 12 … I didn’t but my moods got me gobby with everyone .. I’m sure there will be some great advice on here and other groups … where SM is a really helpful tool

I had a friend who could no longer teaching in all Girls Stare Comp High School in an OK area.

She said the first years were almost feral in their attitude to her and each other. The older years were a little better but were very entitled and had awful indulgent parents who pretended to be well off.

She got sick of the lack of disrespect and left She works as a full time Private Tutor to mainly Hong Kong Children.
Whose families have settled in the UK. Not as much security but describes it as a doddle compared to her last job.