AIBU to call MIL again after she disinherited all grandkids?

Is withdrawing from all children a sign of dementia?

My GM wrote in her will to leave it to her carers. She then became paranoid they would try to kill her for her money and changed it back!

Chat with her. You don't need to be confrontational. Just a chit chat, guage how she is. Don't mention inheritance or anything, it's not relevant. She may just need a 'hello, how are you doing' chat.

Unless your MIL has huge savings and investments there may well end up being nothing to leave to anyone, particularly if you think she may have dementia. If she is not talking to family, she will most likely end up in a home in that case and will burn through her money in care fees.

If you really believe she has written new wills, who do you think she has now named as beneficiaries?

She sounds very controlling, it’s probably a storm in a teacup, she’s just saying she’s changing her will, but likely isn’t as I’m sure the solicitors would need to see her and she’d have to have it signed properly, it would likely take a bit of time.
in all
honesty I’d leave it to her kids, it’s not your argument, just support your DH and SIL

Stay out of it, OP. This is absolutely nothing to do with you. Your MIL can leave all her money to the donkey sanctuary if she wants - and, in her shoes, that's exactly what I would do, because families grubbing around for "their inheritance" are just nasty.

If your MIL didn't have money to leave, would you be bothering to reach out to her? If not, then leave her alone.

I know someone who was forever cutting different children out of her will. She had a lot of children. When she died it turned out she had never, ever had a will ever.

It might have been better if this thread focussed on her lonliness and grief rather than inheritance….

She has a perfect right to do what she wants with her own money.

Who will inherit then?

i wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t actually disinherited anyone.

What are the employees like, could they be in her ear? Definitely let the dust settle a bit, but in case she is being taken advantage of, don't leave it too long.

Have you got POA (or any of the siblings)?

Might be hard to get it now as she won't trust you

How old are the grandchildren? Obviously I don't advise using a 5 year old to sadface guilt trip her, but if you have a sensible 15/16 year old to whom you can say that Granny is behaving a bit unusually and you're worried about her health, would they be able to ring her directly and just chat to her - if she's always got on well with them it could help just keeping a line of communication open.

I would still leave the dust settle for a few weeks anyway- it might be that after a month of no contact from her family she will be reconsidering her comments anyway. Then if grandchild just rings with a random pretense "I wanted to tell you about the good mark I got in school/goal I scored in football"/just wanted to wish you happy Easter l, or whatever.

No mention of any money from anyone, just hopefully a way to make sure shes not completely cut off from her family. I can't imagine she wants that either. It's possible if it is dementia it's representing itself at paranoia that everyone only wants her for her money.

It doesn’t quite work like that. DH and I made our very simple wills a couple of years ago basically leaving everything split equally between our DC’s.
We had to go in and see the solicitor twice and it took about three months.
Sounds like early signs of dementia to me to; I would be concerned.

I hope you manage to build bridges OP. Years ago we had a close family friend who had no family after her husband died. She wanted to leave everything to my brother and me. We asked if she was sure…. What about other friends or charities? No she was adamant. The will was written.

We don’t live close and essentially the other people she specifically did not want to get her money, wriggled in. She stopped speaking to us and refused to take calls or see us….. she would be 100 now. I hope the others did look after her….

Forget all the talk of inheritance, I think women of this generation use it as a weapon because they may have had DHs who organised everything, and it's a way of trying to exert control. We had this constantly from MIL as a threat, but actually she would have been incapable to going to her solicitor and actually changing anything as she too was suffering from dementia. It's almost certainly just talk.

The fact is you have an elderly relative who is vulnerable, but difficult, what are you going to do. Well, been there, done that. We took the view that you just have to get on and do it. It's stressful, difficult, we got little in the way of thanks or gratitude, almost brought us to our knees at times, but we felt we had to do it and we got through it.

Some people walk away, and due to some pretty awful treatment too. Only you can decide what to do for the best.

Finally, I don't understand why people assume that DGKs would be left anything, I think it's normal (and easier) to just leave it to the next generation. I was never left anything by my grandparents and I know that my DF hasn't left anything to my DS, even though he adores him. His estate will be split between me and my brother when the time comes.

To those asking if she has genuinely re-written her will twice - very plausible. My dad was at the lawyers so often to change his that I lose count!!

I wonder what percentage of people actually follow through on a remark like that, rather than simply venting their upset in the moment and then doing nothing.

She may just be saying it, her "legal people" doesn't sound d the normal way to say solicitor, give it a few days then call like others suggest but don't mention the will or money just yet.

Leave it with your DH. It's his mother. I would not expect anyone to leave me anything in their will, and certainly not GC, it's usual to leave to DC rather than GC.

Either way, it's nothing to do with you and frankly if you phone her it will look like it is all about the money. He can check on her health if he wishes to.