AIBU to call MIL again after she disinherited all grandkids?

Op you sound like a nice person to not immediately respond in kind with a knee jerk reaction. If as you say she is grieving, lonely and having early stage dementia to be honest for now I would not do anything but just continue talking to her as you normally would.
Have you seen a new will? Or could it just be something she said in the heat of the moment? I think being old and suddenly alone can be a very scary place especially if sometimes your cognitive ability seems to be failing you. Maybe she feels helpless and is using the only thing she has still got to feel like she has got some control?

If she really has written a new will I wonder who is inheriting if she has disinherited all her kids?

This. Old people get very self centred. Has she really changed her will multiple times? Or is it just an elderly person lashing out?

This doesn’t seem right does it. If this was my mum I’d be going to a local hotel and trying to get a one to one calm chat with her over a couple of days. If I was sent away by her “staff” I’d contact police for a welfare check.

She’s obviously got a perfect right to cut off contact with anyone but it’s very unusual for an elderly lady to specifically not want to see or hear from all her grandchildren and I wouldn’t be trusting phone or letters - I’d want to get eyes on her.

Why did she blame SIL by the way?

Do you think she actually did it?
there was someone in my family who consistently said to one or all of her kids that she would cut them out of her will. When she died, her bungalow was simply split between her kids.

I would want to have an idea what's going on, so yes, I'd try to get in touch with MIL.

She's a potentially vulnerable old (?) woman, who's cut off her children, lonely, isolated, with two employees around who may or may not have her best interests at heart...In your shoes I wouldn't like the sound of it one bit.

She will die a lonely, old woman OP.

Is it possible that she has always been erratic and difficult, but your FIL kept her in check during his lifetime?

Lots of different possibilities here that people have raised. In the end, it sounds questionable whether you'll even have the option of getting in touch with her. If she refuses your DH's calls then she may refuse yours.

The phones work in both directions. So she can still get in touch with you, if she wants to.

So glad I’m Scottish when I read threads like this

Agree with previous post. I’d consider the worst 1) she has dementia ( falling out with people and paranoia is a sadly common occurrence) 2) the home helps are exerting pressure on her, maybe to include them in her will. This sounds difficult.

But her grandkids aren't owed money from her when she passes on? How do they know there will even be any left? It sounds so transparently money grabbing.

Of course you don't try and speak to her to try and extract money from her for your offspring. She's alive and her money is her own business.

I don't know why some people talk about their wills or inheritance before they pass. They should tell one person who they trust where to find the will and that's it.

It's not actual real money that you can be expecting to rely on. Many people never even had grandparents who were alive? She owes nothing to anyone.

I would pursue this with her, as it is so out of character - face to face would much be better if there's any chance you could do that - and maybe just you not your DH.

I would approach it from the "I'm not querying what you've done, I'm concerned why you've done it" .

Ask if she is angry at your DH and SIL about something and sees disinheriting their children as "punishing" them, or is she feeling cut off from the family since the husband's death and is expressing like this?

These are possibilities but the more worrying scenario is that her "home helps" have influenced her and/or that she is in the early stages of Dementia.

It's a horrible situation as you are clueless as to her reasons and communications have broken down. I really do think for peace of mind and to be sure of her wellbeing you have to get to the bottom of what's going on.

Inheritance aside if you care for her wellbeing yes you should try to get in touch again, but if she doesn't want to engage you'll have to accept it and move on.

Nope. I feel no shame at that. Grief is no excuse to use grandchildren to punish their parent.

I think if she'll still speak to you then I'd give her a call next week to see how she is. If she's showing signs of dementia and there's a risk of elder abuse from carers (not saying that is the case but there is always a risk especially if there's now no family involvement) then it might be worth having someone looking out for her or flagging to her GP that there are concerns about her health.

How well do you know her helpers? Is it possible they are somehow trying to alienate her from family?

Even if she's ill? Going downhill mentally?

I think it's reasonable to be concerned that the MIL may disinherit her family, it's not crass or greedy to expect that money/property would be left to family.

Thanks to my share of my parents house, I've paid off my mortgage, and my kids will get my house when I'm gone. We're lucky as a family to be able to do this, and my kids know that they get to share proceedes from my house when I'm dead.

I'd be concerned that MIL may leave it to the carers she has visiting her, and that they could be encouraging her to do this.

I’d be worried that she’s got dementia. I’d be worried that her ‘house employees’ will coerce her into re-writing her will. Has she left her will with a solicitor? Does anyone have POA? On her death, if her solicitor has the will, it is easy enough to find if registered, but meanwhile, she’s cut off her children and grandchildren, leaving her vulnerable to god knows what behaviour by her employees.

Really? Shame on you then.

@Namechangdforthis if this is out of character then I'd be concerned for her. Extreme anger and impulsive/irrational behaviour was the first sign of dementia in my father. Equally grief can really mess with a person's emotions.

Is she being influenced by someone? Who inherits now?

I would be concerned that "carers" are manipulating her. I would turn up unannounced at a time they are expected to be at her house.
I'm also concerned that she is driving if she has dementia.

When my DC were small, my DM told me she wasn't leaving her money to me and DB but rather to me and to DB's DDs because DB was being rather profligate with his money. DM told me because her solicitor said "you do what you want but I suggest you tell people so they don't get a horrible shock when you die, cause arguments etc.".
I think my DM executor is still my uncle (my age not her age) but I don't know if she's changed her will, it is possible she's reversed her decision and has now cut me off because I am very LC after she was incredibly rude to me (over years) and DS (increasing over the years, culminating in refusing to get in the car with him while she was staying with us).

If you know who her executor is, it might be worth having a word with them just to say "we believe this is the situation, that's fine, we will [or won't] come to the funeral, but we thought you should know we already know this". They won't tell you what it is, but so they are not worried that it will come as a shock to you.

Being of a nasty suspicious nature, personally I’d be a mite concerned in case her ‘helpers’ are ingratiating themselves with her, in order to be included in her will instead of family.

It’s hardly unknown!

If you suspect dementia, a diagnosis would be some sort of defence against this sort of thing, though that is an awful lot easier said than done, I know.

OP,
Is there much jnheritance involved?
She sounds vulnerable and could be open to manipulation.
It is far more common than you realise when family are not nearby, sadly.

If it's substantial, then absolutely it could be a possibility that someone is winding her up.

The inheritance stuff is irrelevant really except in the context of potentially indicating a cognitive issue along with other indicators. If you're worried then discuss that with your DH and let him deal with it. Leave the will out of it.