AIBU to call MIL again after she disinherited all grandkids?

Anyone else routing for the hired help to get all the money…

sympathies OP. Old people really are difficult. Terrible she would choose to leave her wealth if any of it is left after her soon to be expensive dementia care to anyone but her offspring. Why leave it to a carer who is a paid employee?? Why shouldn’t you DH SIL be concerned about who might be influencing her? Surely your FIL wouldn’t want his wealth to go to anyone but his offspring. Call her visit her keep an eye on her and everyone around her.

Who are the people that are working for her ? Are they trustworthy? It’s easy to take advantage of someone vunerable and they may be influencing her decisions. Have you checked them out ?

Bet she didn’t though.

Are you worried about her? It’s difficult to help someone who doesn’t yet realise they might need help.

I would do a one last chance in person conversation.
Be prepared for it to be thrown in your face BUT start off by telling her it’s a shame her grandchildren won’t know her and go from there.

"She was often selfish and had a temper, but never towards them"

This made me laugh, what are you so concerned about calling her unless you just want to protect thr inheritance for your DH and children.

Not your money . People can do whatever they want with it. Parents are not entitled to leave possession or money to their kids or grandkids. They never work for it at all. I'm not expecting absolutely anything from my parents or my husband's side. We have never asked either. They gave us a great top education which has made us provide for our kid.

This lady is struggling after the death of her dh and unfortunately taking it out on everyone else. Its such a shame, please don't be annoyed with her, although l do appreciate it's easy for me to say... Grief shows itself in many ways, just let her know, you will always be there for her. Trust me, she is really suffering

What was the argument regarding the email, could it have been caused by her not processing the information or something along those lines. If so this could be another sign of dementia. My DM started lashing out and having massive arguments with people a few years before we knew she had it.
Honestly my concern wouldn’t be the will but getting PoA in place.

I would actually drive up and stay locally and turn up the next day at 10 am with large flowers and a cock and bull story about seeing someone nearby eg old school friend who had cancelled so I had a few minutes and decided to pop in and ‘was she available for lunch’ before I headed home and awfully sorry to bother you etc - it will let you see the state of her, her home and everything. If it is a no, ask to do a food shop before you head off. And go.

Do you know any of her friends that you could ask to check in on her. Seems there's more to this than a hissy fit. She may have said she's changing her will but not done it and I would be worried about coercion if the staff are not known to you. Why don't you go old school and write a letter, by hand. Post it to her first class. Only tell her about day to day things and that you miss her and hope she is well.

Her choice. You are best to let it lie. Are you more worried about not getting any money or more worried about her health and having a decent relax with her. It's just on MN every post like this is about £££££.

Did she really write everyone out of her Will?? Have you seen the proof? If she's got early signs of dementia she may just be misremembering. A minefield for you all.

It is unlikely she actually followed through though. It is a complete faff and she would need to get it all witnessed etc.

And if she isn’t leaving everything to family then what is she doing?

However, if the only reason to contact her is about money then you are as bad as she is.

My ex’s gran did this a lot. Someone would upset her and she’d rewrite her will. She’d leave the old ones about the place will “null and void” written across them in red pen for people to find- presumably so they could report back to other people. In the end, probably because she did it so many times there was no will at all to go by when she did die.

Yes, she had dementia- it’s what killed her in the end. But the whole family was inheritance obsessed- there was a lot of ugly behaviour from all of them and the constant rewriting of the will was an early symptom of the dementia. But no one realised because of the obsession from all of them.

I’d try to keep the lines of communication open with your MIL but don’t beat yourself up if she won’t.

When was the alst time either your family or SILs family made an effort to go and see her? Maybe she is upset no one makes an effort.

That was my first thought too!

If you know who her normal ‘legal people’ are, is it worth contacting them to try and see if her ‘employees’ have maybe moved her to a more compliant legal person ie one who will do her employees’ bidding? It’s sadly a common scenario… I fear she is vulnerable being taken advantage of.

If you know her GP your husband can email them saying that there are concerns health wise and ask their advice. At least you will have formally raised the issue of mental capacity.

I think you and ultimately your dh should be trying to build bridges if she's isolated and especially if you think this is dementia creeping in as opposed to her just having a spiteful personality.

Obviously these can be really difficult to tell apart but if you think there's a chance this behaviour is as a result of pain and vulnerability then I personally would keep trying to reach out. Losing a spouse you've been with a lifetime can really rock an older person's world especially if they aren't as resilient as they used to be.

Has she watched a lot of Agatha Christie programmes, it sounds like what's said in those programmes but the person is murdered during the night!

What generation? Nowhere is her age mentioned. Presuming her husband organised everything is patronising.