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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overreacting or not? 🤔

86 replies

silverstorm101 · 24/03/2026 14:33

Okay so I'm not sure if I'm just being silly or my feelings are justified so I'm sure you will all tell me!

For mother's day this year, I asked my hubby for a bunch of daffodils and any drawings or cards the kids wanted to do or make. We are saving up for a big family holiday so didn't want money spent on needless things and I love daffodils as they brighten up any room and can be found in Lidl for like £1.

Mothers day comes round and the kids come over with wrapped gifts, okay, maybe they wanted to get me a little something, sweet of them.

I got the usual pictures and hand made cards which I love. Then hubby walks in with a massive bunch of lily's, the price tag of £25 still on them. Don't get me wrong they are pretty but I dislike the smell but I get the gesture was nice.

I open the gifts that have been presented to me, first one is a bath set. I love a bath bomb which is well known but this was a 'Christmas Cinnamon' set. I hate the smell of cinnamon and it was obviously marked down with it being March. I'm not upset about it being a bargain but it's a smelly I've always hated. Anyway I smile and move on. The last gift hubby is really smug about, he says "do you remember when we went for that afternoon tea a while ago and you loved those strawberry macarons?"

Which I do of course remember, they were lovely but also very expensive. So I open the gifts to find a large box of macarons, bright yellow ones, I open the box and the smell of lemon instantly hits me. I do not like lemon flavour.

I say "Oh are these lemon!" To which he replies "I dunno I just asked for a box"

So I asked for a £1 bunch of flowers and instead he spent a lot of money we didn't have on things he should know I don't like?

I was a bit miffed and he obviously noticed and said he tried. We have been married 20 years.

So am I justified in being a bit upset?

Or do I need to grow up?

OP posts:
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Contrarymary30 · 27/03/2026 15:44

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/03/2026 14:55

Jesus, how to piss all over his and the kid's bonfire. "I don't like cinnamon, I don't like lemon". You sound like a brat.

You will be back here in 5 years moaning that they don't do anything for Mother's Day, even though it was down to you for making it so unpleasant.

Not forgetting that she doesn't like the smell of lillies either 😂

Contrarymary30 · 27/03/2026 15:38

What do you like the smell of ! Yabu and ungrateful.

AllSlugsAreBastards · 27/03/2026 15:35

YANBU I would hate this, it's inconsiderate of him and lacking in any real thoughtfulness. I don't understand the posters saying you should be grateful - why would you be grateful for things you actively dislike and you would expect him to know after 20 years of marriage.

ShmurpleRain · 26/03/2026 08:19

Endorewitch · 26/03/2026 00:53

So ungrateful.DH felt he couldnt just spend a £1!And OP seems to dislike so much,she must be difficult to buy for.

It’s not that difficult to buy some daffodils is it?

& a Christmas themed cinnamon bath set? Come on, that’s an atrocious Mother’s Day Gift.

& & asking for a box of macaroons but not even specifying which flavour to the cashier.

The bar is so fucking low.

Why do we treat grown ass men who are fathers like children? Surely they are capable of following instructions and putting real thought and effort into gifts for their wives?

Endorewitch · 26/03/2026 00:53

So ungrateful.DH felt he couldnt just spend a £1!And OP seems to dislike so much,she must be difficult to buy for.

disturbia · 26/03/2026 00:45

You need to grow up!

JayJayj · 25/03/2026 22:31

YANBU

You specifically asked for something, he chose to ignore that and get you things you don’t even like.

Catsandbikes · 25/03/2026 21:05

OneNewEagle · 24/03/2026 16:36

Think yourself grateful you got something.

Lots of us mums didn’t.

I don't get this. We don't have to set the bar so low for ourselves. If they've been together for 20 years and she really specifically asked for something then why did he ignore her?
He could have got her 20 bunches of daffs if he's wanted rather than 3 things she doesn't like.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 25/03/2026 20:57

Sorry, but he obviously does not see you or listen to you

Or he would have got you what you asked for

Is he a bit controlling?

ReverseReverse · 25/03/2026 20:17

Yanbu. He’s just demonstrated he doesn’t listen to you

Anyahyacinth · 25/03/2026 20:12

To expect a life partner to know your preferences after 20 years? No of course you aren’t being unreasonable

You like strawberry macaroons …he got lemon does he see you eating lemon cakes? If not then of course he is inconsiderate. The rest too…just mindless with no regard to who you are. It’s normal to find that upsetting

SUUUUUUNNNNN · 25/03/2026 19:15

BigBruisedFruit · 25/03/2026 18:53

YABVVU. I would probably cry if my DH made this much effort even if he didn't get it completely right.

After 20 years of being together? Your bar is set way too low.

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 25/03/2026 19:12

InterestedDad37 · 24/03/2026 14:47

I think YANBU 👍
He spent needless money on flowers, when you'd specifically asked him not to. And after 20 years, his knowledge of your likes and dislikes is not as good as it could be.

I agree with this - to be with someone for so long and not know they dont like lemon, or lilies is just lazy. I know more about friends preferences I have known for less time. I hate this "I tried" shit - he needs to do better.

Insertcreativenamehere · 25/03/2026 19:04

YANBU - I say things like this to my husband but he’s a quantity kinda guy and I always end with loads of tat that I have to pretend to be grateful for! I love him to bits but wish he’d listen x

BigBruisedFruit · 25/03/2026 18:53

YABVVU. I would probably cry if my DH made this much effort even if he didn't get it completely right.

Spirallingdownwards · 25/03/2026 18:50

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/03/2026 14:55

Jesus, how to piss all over his and the kid's bonfire. "I don't like cinnamon, I don't like lemon". You sound like a brat.

You will be back here in 5 years moaning that they don't do anything for Mother's Day, even though it was down to you for making it so unpleasant.

Married for 20 years though. You would expect him to know she dislikes both those flavours. So yes I think she does have the right to ask wtf was he thinking?

dcthatsme · 25/03/2026 18:46

He made an effort - yes the presents weren't your thing but the thought was there. I'd regift the bath bomb next Christmas and share the macaroons with someone who likes lemon stuff. No point in stressing. Imagine if he and the children hadn't got you anything.

SUUUUUUNNNNN · 25/03/2026 18:42

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/03/2026 14:55

Jesus, how to piss all over his and the kid's bonfire. "I don't like cinnamon, I don't like lemon". You sound like a brat.

You will be back here in 5 years moaning that they don't do anything for Mother's Day, even though it was down to you for making it so unpleasant.

OP sounds like a brat? What for being bought tow gifts she didn't ask for nor likes, with money they can't afford......yeah sounds well brattish.

pouletvous · 25/03/2026 18:34

I hate lilies too

I wish men would learn that lillies smell awful and the pollen stains

i told my OH to buy any chocolates except for truffles

guess what i got!

pouletvous · 25/03/2026 18:33

Men aren’t great listeners but try not to let it upset you

Magicpaintbrush · 25/03/2026 10:05

YANBU - as you are trying to be cautious with money I think it's understandable you are miffed that he has wasted money of stuff you can't even use - I too hate lemon so I get where you are coming from, don't like lilies in the house as they drop pollen and stain the carpet, and I wouldn't use a bath bomb, especially a cinnamon one. I think however as it came from a good place, the only thing to do really is be gracious and pretend you like it, to avoid hurt feelings - he meant well, which I guess is the main thing. Next year be really firm about him sticking to the list - in the words of Ross Gellar 'Always stick to the list'.

StationJack · 25/03/2026 09:10

Yardbrushes · 24/03/2026 17:34

Yanbu.
You explicitly said what you would appreciate and he ignored it and bought stuff you have no interest in and actually dislike because even after 20 years he hasn't a clue.

If he actually cared about what you wanted and listened to you, this could have been all avoided.
He didn't.

This. He got you what he wanted to give you which was nothing like what you wanted.

It's the thought that counts - his thoughts trumped yours.

Superficially you could be seen as ungrateful but it was your joint money paying for it.

I hate the smell of lilies and cinnamon.

Snaletrale · 25/03/2026 09:10

If you hadn’t had a conversation about it you’d be unreasonable to moan. But you did, so yanbu. I hate wasting money.

But glad you’ve moved on.

AlongtheWall · 25/03/2026 09:08

It is annoying that he ignored what you did want and after 20 years doesn’t know what smells/ flavours you like/ don’t like. But for me it would depend on what the rest of the relationship was like in terms of how much it mattered in the grand scheme of things.

Imdunfer · 25/03/2026 09:04

silverstorm101 · 24/03/2026 18:34

Thank you for everyone's points of view.

Firstly I obviously was very thankful and appreciative in front of the children, and would never be anything else.

People saying I should be grateful I got anything at all, we are saving to take the kids to Disney. We had agreed as soon as we booked it that we wouldn't spend money on needless gifts we didn't need as we both agreed that saving money for the kids to have a dream holiday was much more important.

To the person who said my marriage is in trouble 🤣 We've been through a lot worse than the wrong flavoured gifts, so I'm sure we will be fine.

And I'm very sorry to the people I seem to have offended by having likes and dislikes 🤣 I promise I'm not a hard to please person, it just so happens he managed to get all my dislikes in one 🤦🏻‍♀️

I know in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world, but I am allowed to have feelings.

Anyway as an update: My son has had a bath using the bath stuff and he loves the smell, the flowers look nice in the window and hubby is enjoying the cakes so all is well with the world again.

Hubby has also apologised and said he didn't think the daffodils were enough and he didn't think about the flavours and had presumed they would be mixed.

All in all life goes on and I have my beautiful pictures to look at, I might even treat myself to a bunch of daffodils on payday.

I think you are completely justified in being disappointed that after 20 years together your DH hasn't paid enough attention to you to know that you don't like lilies, cinnamon or the taste of lemon.

It sounds like you dealt with it well on the day, but you aren't wrong to be sad about it.

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