Gift from Dad - now he wants it back?

"tell him it's tied up" is the new cancel the cheque.

I'd say it's all tied up, in trusts for the children and I can't access it.

He won't give it back. As the old adage says, only lend what you can afford to lose.

He reckons this will be short term while she sells her property - wants my money for three months.

Haha nice try. She can sell her house sooner or scrape the money together herself.

What happens if - God forbid - your dad dies during these 'just three months'? What would happen to the money then?

I would say that it's gone. Not that it's tied up - just in case he offers to pay any penalties involved in withdrawing it early, but that it's gone. You paid off the mortgage or something. After all, what would he do if you HAD? Expect you to sell your house?

Such a patronising comment. I'd be amazed if there's anyone on here who's never been hurt by a man "at some point".

From what he's said about having given you too much in the first place, I wouldn't say he's likely to give you it back. And now he's married and clearly prioritising his new wife, he's unlikely to leave you anything in his will either. So this likely is the only money you'll inherit from either of your parents.

I wouldn't give it back. Its not that he needs it, he's not on the verge of losing his home or needing private surgery, it's not even that they can't buy a house without it, they just don't want to wait till her house potentially sells. There will be other "perfect" homes.

That's money from your mum, even though she didn't write a will he gave you it becuase he believed you should inherit from your mum. He's changed his mind becuase he wants a posh house with his new wife. * *

It seems you have invested the gift for your childrens future and cant get hold of it without penalties.
Perhaps you Dad could wait till his new GF has sold her property befor making his on ward purchase?

No, beacuse there’s always a chance you won’t see it again.
Someone I know did similar- lent her dad money she’d inherited when her mother died so he could buy a house with his new wife. He died suddenly and unexpectedly not long after and the new wife refused to give back anything, carried on happily living in a house paid for by the loan and the sale of the family home. No payback, no further inheritance after his death, nothing.

I’d say I put it in my pension and can’t get it out till 55.

I’m sorry you were asked OP. A generous gift has turned from being unconditional to conditional, and that must sting. Especially from your Dad. Sorry on the passing of your mum 💐.

I agree with PPs, say it’s tied up. We lent a significant amount of money to my DM and had to get legal paperwork drawn up (not just to make sure we got it back but so it was clear the repayment wasn’t a gift from her estate for tax purposes). It’s was a big faff and expensive. I’d avoid doing it if at all possible. It may also muddy the waters later for IHT purposes as it looks less like a gift if he’s asking for some of it back.

His new wife, after he has been widowed 4 years? Not just ‘a bird’. I’m sorry a man hurt you at some point

So your dad is selling the family home, the new wife is selling her home, and they are still asking you to bail them out? Why aren't the two house sales enough money?

They want to do a risky thing but leave you with all the risk!

I doubt she'd see a penny back. It's tied up, thats it. And I'd struggle to look at him in the same way.

A few years ago, we were asked a similar thing by my parents in law. They had being talking about downsizing for along time, and out of the blue, the most beautiful house which was everything and more came up.

They did have pensions and savings, but once their house was sold they would be better off blah blah blah.

Their own house needed work and the new house wanted to exchange but not complete for a certain date.

My husband and I talked about it, and decided the best thing to do was for us to mortgage our home for a very good rate for a year, buy the house they wanted, get them to move out if their house into our garage/caravan, get their house done up which would take a couple of weeks, and sell it.

Everything was on paper, there was no loose ends, especially when it took a whole six weeks to do their house up, things got back on track as it sold for full price on the first weekend and it exchanged fairly quickly.

i don’t think there was any major problems because everything was so clearly defined as who owned what, and the mortgage/interest payments were self explanatory.

If u can help, I would, or I would definitely look into how we can help.

No, never lend what you can’t afford to lose! Simply tell him you’ve invested the money gifted to you following your mums death to secure your pension and your DC further education and leave the conversation there.

I think I would explain that you can’t afford to because of how it’s invested and suggest your DB lends more.

Agree with everyone else.
sorry dad, it’s invested carefully and for the long term for the kids, as I knew you intended at the time!

He'll just have to wait until new wife sells her house then won't he. Tell him no. Job done.

I'd say that you aren't in a position to lend him that money - if he throws a wobbler, that tells you all you need to know about where his priorities lie. It's your money now and nothing to do with him.

Sorry dad I don’t see how I can help. I was very grateful when you gave us this money but the thing is that we have relied on it being ours. We are at such an expensive time of our lives, with your DGC starting and just about to start university, so we’ve planned on being able to support them. Is there anything else we could do to help?

You've wisely invested it so the answer is no. He gifted, you signed the papers, it's now yours. It's been yours for 4 years and he even phrased it as an inheiritance from your mom. This is not necessary for his welfare, he wants it back to spend on new wife. How tacky to ask for money he gifted as coming from your mom to spend on new wife.

He can wait until new wife's home sells.

You would likely never get it back. It may or may not affect your relationship.

This is why bridging loans exist. Apologise & tell him it’s tied up, you’ve looked into releasing some & you can’t. Suggest she takes a bridging loan secured on the house that’s for sale. Also ensure he has a will in place to make sure his share goes where he wants it to.